Page 4 | Rape myths thread in gransnet

YonicScrewdriver · 2015-09-03T07:28:07+00:00

Hi MNHQ, can you ask the GNHQ bods to look at this thread? Thank you! http://www.gransnet.com/forums/news_and_politics/1218612-Can-a-drunk-woman-give-consent?pg=2

FattyNinjaOwl · 03/09/2015 11:31

That thread is awful. I wonder what some of those posters would think of me. I was raped. Repeatedly. For years. There weren't any signs of it being forced and I never went to the police. I was scared, I would have knives held to my throat, my family threatened. I led there and "allowed" it to happen. Not rape?
I was 11 years old. I was too scared to tell anyone. To this day my family doesn't know as it would destroy my mum to know that she wasn't able to protect me. It's my secret, the one I can't tell because I'm not believed. I tried to tell a nun. I was called a liar. I tried to tell a friend at school. I was branded a slag. Because people with those views, its only rape if there's physical signs of force, don't believe people. Tell them its their own fault. Disgusting.
Some gransnet posters should be ashamed of themselves.
Sorry if thus is garbled, its difficult, even now to talk about.

differentnameforthis · 03/09/2015 11:39

FattyNinjaOwl I believe you.

YouBastardSockBalls · 03/09/2015 11:40

for you fatty. It's never too late to report it, if that's what you want. I'm so sorry that that happened to you.

TwoFoldBenifit · 03/09/2015 11:49

fatty I'm so sorry to hear that, I can't find the right words to comfort you, and so wish I could

DixieNormas · 03/09/2015 11:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LineyReborn · 03/09/2015 12:02

I agree it isnt generational. I'm early 50s and old enough to be a grandmother and I fucking loathe the rape myths that have turned up on that thread.

FattyNinjaOwl · 03/09/2015 12:04

Please don't be sorry, the only person that needs to be sorry is the arsehole that stole those years from me. He is the one responsible, and he can rot in hell, because even if he was sorry, it would never be enough to make up for what he did.

AnyFucker · 03/09/2015 12:04

Fatty

BertieBotts · 03/09/2015 12:13

Do you not think it can be a bit generational, though, certainly the idea of "not promising more than you intend to deliver" seems like an idea which would have been valid in the past but isn't any more as we have a more sophisticated understanding of consent now.

Just because not everybody of a certain generation thinks something does not mean that it's not a generational trend. Perhaps MNers of GNers' age group are more enlightened about such things than most of their generation?

For example it's typical in my generation to remove pubic hair to the point that it's expected. Just because many people in that generation don't, doesn't stop it being a generational trend that most do.

Helpmeoutofthemaze · 03/09/2015 12:24

I think this thread shows MN in a bad light.

OK so some GN posters have some victorian views. But to call them cunts, idiots, bastards etc rather than educating, with examples and illustrations is not helpful.

Hi, Gransnet poster, you've written xyz but actually the situation is abc because...
Or
Look you stupid old cunt, you've written xyz you fucking bastard but actually the situation is abc because...

TheLightsWinning · 03/09/2015 12:27

Some of the views on that thread are bloody horrifying!
Im sad to say that I've had a many a debate on the issue with my own DM who is usually pretty forward thinking in her ways.
BIL also sneers about "well if your baby (I'm due with first DC very soon) is a girl will you let her go out in short skirts when she's a teenager than?"! and "I know police who just never take rape claims seriously - 9 times out of 10 the girls are just saying it to get their boyfriend back for something". Mind you, they do both read the Fail.
Still saddens and horrifies me and my DH though that even members of our own family have these apologist views.
I have two very good friends who were victims of assault - one attacker got away with it based on the defence that she was in her thirties with kids who she'd left at home with her OH, and was wearing a low cut top. Other police cocked up the evidence. Its disgusting in this day and age that we still have to explain why this is wrong to anyone.

differentnameforthis · 03/09/2015 12:28

Helpmeoutofthemaze I think someone who says (and I quote) but if a girl goes out looking oven-ready she is asking for trouble isn't really able to be educated.

StanSmithsChin · 03/09/2015 12:28

We want to educate them but some of us cannot log on to the site.

Also given that a lot of posters myself included have been raped or have empathy with those that have, the rape myths they are projecting insight raw emotion and anger. Which given the topic I think anger is forgivable.

Simatmum · 03/09/2015 12:42

Again, please don't tar us all with the same brush. It isn't generational - many people of all ages carry these ill-informed views. There are many Gransnetters who don't accept rape myths and going over there to 'educate' will be preaching to the converted. Just come and join the discussion, please.

iPaid · 03/09/2015 13:07

Sadly, my niece and many of her university friends believe a lot of rape myths.

Backforthis · 03/09/2015 13:18

It's not just an age thing. It's sad that only feminists seem to view men as intelligent, rational human beings that are capable of controlling themselves.

BertrandRussell · 03/09/2015 14:05

Really- have a look at some threads on the subject on Mumsnet before you start being self righteous about gransnet!

BertrandRussell · 03/09/2015 14:08

But as usual ageism is alive and well and largely unchallenged on Mumsnet........

WilmaKnickersfit · 03/09/2015 14:20

I doubt if much 'education' will be going on because most of the posters have stopped posting and one poster caught most of the flack. This is an emotive subject, but surely it is possible to discuss it without ranting? Much as I agree with what mumsnetters have said, I don't think the aggressive approach is helpful.

Plus the discussion is about consent, but has gone off on a tangent about rape in general and not all of the posts follow on correctly. It would be great if mumsnetters came back over, but tone down their anger. There might be more chance of engaging with the people who views need challenging. grabs tin hat and runs

WilmaKnickersfit · 03/09/2015 14:20

I doubt if much 'education' will be going on because most of the posters have stopped posting and one poster caught most of the flack. This is an emotive subject, but surely it is possible to discuss it without ranting? Much as I agree with what mumsnetters have said, I don't think the aggressive approach is helpful.

Plus the discussion is about consent, but has gone off on a tangent about rape in general and not all of the posts follow on correctly. It would be great if mumsnetters came back over, but tone down their anger. There might be more chance of engaging with the people who views need challenging. grabs tin hat and runs

holmessweetholmes · 03/09/2015 14:49

Awful thread . Btw, it's pretty obvious that asking if it's generational does not mean that people are suggesting ALL women of that generation have those views. They are wondering if those views are more widespread among that generation. Which they almost certainly are. Most grandmothers were brought up at a time when views were not as enlightened about these things. Many of them may still have those views.

MsMarthaMay · 03/09/2015 14:57

I was raped many times by my ex husband. Outwardly we looked liked a nice normal family. I certainly didnt have any signs of force, but then he used sleeping tablets to knock me out before raping me. Was I asking for it because I married him and had a child with him? He is due to be sentenced tomorrow after pleading guilty in court. That thread has made me very sad, the thought that so many people probably wouldn't view me as a real victim is devastating.

Simatmum · 03/09/2015 15:02

I don't agree that most grandmothers were brought up with those outdated views. Don't forget, many of us were teenagers in the 60s, involved in the surge in feminism and the campaigns against sexual discrimination. We have vivid memories of the challenges to men and taking responsibility for ourselves, our sexuality, reproduction, financial independence and getting away from the control that men had exerted previously. It wasn't the Dark Ages but a time of enlightenment and protest.

Simatmum · 03/09/2015 15:07

Sorry, Martha crossed with your post. I can understand your sadness at some of the comments from women. I hope you'll be able to recover from your terrible ordeal and applaud you for being able to speak out. He deserves to have the most severe sentence possible. Best wishes x

Blodss · 03/09/2015 15:09

Grandsnet doesn't appear to have a secure log in page so bear that in mind when logging in. Its http and not https.