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MNHQ

If your toddler were Prime Minister...

103 replies

KateMumsnet · 23/04/2015 16:30

Hello all

You may have already had a 'why-is-there-a-live-stream-from-a-nursery-on-telly-OH-NO-WAIT-IT'S-PMQs' moment. It got us wondering - how might the national landscape differ if your toddlers did actually hold the keys to number 10?

Ban on broccoli? Compulsory puddle-jumping? Confectionary industry nationalised? What's the first Act of Parliament your toddler (or ex-toddler) would pass if they were actually allowed to swap wet wipes for Westminster?

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 23/04/2015 16:35

Mind would have solved the housing crisis by ensuring everyone had a den, made from 4 dining chairs and a duvet cover.

dinkystinky · 23/04/2015 16:35

If DS3 were PM, Peppa Pig would be showing on every screen in the nation on constant loop and there would be official Jumping in Muddy Puddle bank holidays every time it rained.

WorraLiberty · 23/04/2015 16:35

*Mine

ChrisQuean · 23/04/2015 16:35

The "No, Self Do It! Act 2015" would receive Royal Assent and be brought on to the statute books. This Act being passed would make it illegal for any adults to help, aid or otherwise assist a toddler with an act or take any action that they wanted to do all by themselves.

WorraLiberty · 23/04/2015 16:39

The National Anthem would of course be replaced with "The wheels on the bus"

EggsAreNotFromCows · 23/04/2015 16:39

The current knife laws would be extended to the outright ban of all cutting implements. Thus removing the risk of any food being cut into the WRONG SHAPE

Reluctantlandlord · 23/04/2015 16:40

There would be a law which stated that if someone even slightly helped you get dressed then you'd be obliged to strip naked and start again.

AnythingNotEverything · 23/04/2015 16:40

Mine wouldn't get much done unfortunately, as she'd insist on trying on all your shoes. That'd take up most of her first term I imagine.

Other than that she'd probably shout "Cheese!" a lot. But go easy on her - she's only 18 months.

Reluctantlandlord · 23/04/2015 16:44

Formal dinners would be tricky because despite the plethora of food sitting on the table, she'd be under the table adamant that she wanted the tiny piece she'd just dropped.

WorraLiberty · 23/04/2015 16:45

Not removing crusts from sandwiches, would carry a mandatory naughty step sentence.

Reluctantlandlord · 23/04/2015 16:47

But at least there'd be no arguing over HS2 as we'd all have to travel by talking steam engines under the control of someone rather portly.

ChunkyPickle · 23/04/2015 17:04

All channels will show Bing (Cbeebies) on a loop (except for Goodbye - DS1 doesn't like Bing being told off for putting Sula's shoe in the toilet)

Parents would be required to ensure the ice-lolly shelf in the freezer is fully stocked at all times, and free access is given.

Welly boots will be the only shoes.

fattymcfatfat · 23/04/2015 17:07

mine would fund research into dinosaur genetics in the hope of creating a living one that would be her pet roar! Grin

Icedfinger · 23/04/2015 17:14

We would all only wear a nappy and wellies.

The national dishes would be meatballs followed by toast and dairy lea.

Peppa would rule the land

You4coffee · 23/04/2015 17:14

Stones would form the bedrock of any fiscal Policy. Grin

You4coffee · 23/04/2015 17:14

And no more potty training!

KleineDracheKokosnuss · 23/04/2015 17:17

Indeed. Potties would be outlawed. Except when PM changes her mind, of course.

UnidentifiedSighingObject · 23/04/2015 17:21

There would be no more issues with waiting times because waiting as a concept would be outlawed. All broccoli would be replaced with sausages (or cheese). The best high-pitched screamers would all be given leadership positions and their own ice-cream van. The words "quiet" and "in a minute" would be banned.

SoupDragon · 23/04/2015 17:25

DS1 is not a toddler, he is 16, but I think he would like to be Education Minister and introduce GCSEs in FIFA and CoD (triple award).

4candles · 23/04/2015 17:27

My DS would nationalise all industries with buses, trains, cranes, trucks and nee naw cars.

He would laugh manically and shout, "mine, mine, mine".

IhavenevermetAnthonyHead · 23/04/2015 17:28

The five a day rule would be amending to chicken nuggets instead of vegetables.

Parents forcing their children to wash their face and hands more than once a week will be reported to social services.

rugbychick · 23/04/2015 17:29

My 3 year old will agree with a lot of the above policies. Also bedtime when I say, not mummy and daddy. You do what what you're told. Vegetables to be outlawed. And only milky to be drunk

crassula · 23/04/2015 18:00

All rice cakes and biscuits would be made so that they never break in half. Ever. And we would be allowed to feed chickens to Venus Fly Trap plants

howabout · 23/04/2015 18:04

Carries on demand for the PM! No sharing whatsoever. An afternoon a week in the bath may hold up some official business. The right to change her mind all the time. Six figure reward for anyone inventing a way to dispense with toilet visits.

MonstrousRatbag · 23/04/2015 18:09

Official state religion would become Lego Chima with DS as High Priest. Chima role-playing would become compulsory in group sessions before school and work every morning.

DD would decree that no one would be required to get out of bed before they were ready to do so ever, and every resident of the UK would have to wear a tiara at all times.