Long running sticky thread request

[SlightlyJaded]

Hello

I started a thread (randomly) in relationships, because I am hopeful that there is a way for MNers in need to get some RL support from other MNers.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1426504-When-you-need-a-RL-friend?pg=2

Is this something MNHQ could help with or support in any way?

Thanks

Me too

just adding my support to this

What a lovely, lovely idea Jaded. This is why I love MN. I would be happy to help. :)

Helen - I thought you were the Power!

Count me in.

Good idea about the MN Local Friendship Bench. To advertise it, you could have a GO LOCAL day once a month where you 'check in' to your local MN site to visit the friendship bench to see if anyone is sitting there...... So the GO LOCAL could be a thread just giving everyone a nudge to remember their local area....

I'm in...

Didn't see this thread, have just posted in the other thread re why I don't think this is a good idea. While the vast majority of MNetters would be doing this for the right reasons, there is still a risk that a vulnerable person could be befriended by someone for the wrong reasons, could be given duff advice and could end up trying to extricate themselves from a friendship/situation and be under more stress. similarly the befriended could end up totally out if their depth.

Befriending organizations have extensive training, policies and guidelines for a reason.

MNHQ need to really think about this and maybe speak to some befriending organizations before proceeding.

Sorry that should say the befriender could end up out of their depth dealing with complex emotions, situations or mental health issues they are totally unqualified or unable to deal with.

Yes, think this is a good idea. There may be unforeseen downsides but we can all think this through together.

I think this is a lovely idea, you can count me in too. Having someone to talk to is the best therapy ever.

Im in.

I love this idea.
Lovely, lovely, lovely.

Oh yes great idea, I'm in too :)

good point Wipsglitter - perhaps there could be some readily available backup from "real" befriending organisations should a MNer feel she is out of her depth? clicky links and all that?

I'm in. Am shite at small talk though but really good at coffee and cake :)

Coming over from original thread and yes, count me in too. Hopefully my "maturity" (well in years, if nothing else!) would be useful?

Wips I think you have a point and I am sure that if MN do give us a thread/board, they will do so with consideration, but I also think that on balance, this will potentially benefit so many people.

The type of troll/person who is likely to want to meet people for the wrong reasons is far more likely to use dating/matchmaking sites where people are going in with rose tinted glasses, I think. I honestly believe the risk is small and far outweighed by potential good

Also, anyone on MN can currently offer to meet someone who seems lonely for a coffee - that isn't a new thing - it's just the idea of a more specific place within MN for people to post.

I think this is a great idea and would definatly be interested in this.

just adding my support - lovely idea

I've been thinking about the points in your 10:48 post, too, Slightly. It would be bonkers to act on advice from one internet poster. But your point, I think, was that when we're friendless we are in the worst possible position to find a friend.

In my (frequent) down times, I consider myself such a drag that I assume nobody would want to spend time with me. It's probably not true, mind you! Consequently, I wouldn't offer to go meet somebody or ask anyone who hadn't offered. A coffee-cake thread, where everybody understands this, could be a godsend to people stuck in that self-doubting double bind. The awkward bit's already out of the way :)

I agree that trolls looking to meet someone may not use this; but even the most well intentioned mumsnetter could be giving someone in a one-to-one situation totally duff advice/support. As the poster above said when you are down its the worst time to find a frien, but it van also make you vulnerable and easily manipulated. Or may find themselves drawn into a complex situation that becomes very difficult to extract

Like I said I think if the local boards were better used/rethought then that would be a better starting point.

ah, but Wips, if weird shit started to happen they would POST ON MUMSNET about it, wouldn't they? A thousand finely-tuned twat radars at your service!

No one of us is in a vacuum.

I'm sorry, I don't understand what you mean?

Wips, I don't think anyone would be expecting professional advice - thousands of people on MN offer advice all day long, we all know that (most of) it is not 'expert' advice.

The thing that has struck me, and the immediate concern I have, is that there are people who are so entrenched in their situation that they can't see the wood for the trees. They have literally nobody other than their partner (if they have one).

If you are feeling at rock bottom with nobody to talk to, the thought of foisting yourself on some jolly, unsuspecting MN group meet up (for example) is just overwhelming. For me, this was about a place where you could see if anyone in your area was up for a low key coffee/chat/walk in the park whatever, where you may or may not discuss your issues. That might be the last thing you want to do. I am sure that there are people who would just love someone to chat to in a general way to help them get their focus readjusted IYSWIM

The main benefit of doing it this way is that there would be no expectation or onus on the OP to be jolly, chatty, entertaining etc as there so often is when we meet new people - although this may evolve, which would be lovely.

People look for sexual/relationship partners on line all day long. A cup of coffee in a high street Starbucks with MNer is surely a safer bet?

Not neceassarily. You "know" a handful of posters on here, you only "know" what they tell you about themselves which may or may not be true. You simply cannot generalize and say " they post on mumsnet they must be nice" or safe to meet.

Say I post asking for advice and someone local agrees to meet, I then spill my guts to them as I am at rick bottom and totally alone. The next day I see them in my Childs playground. We turn out to gave kids at the same school. I am not totally reliant on thus person to keep what I have told them confidential, and may feel worse that I've ended up in that situation.

Or I see avpidt from someone in trouble, agree to meet them. Give then my mobile number to arrange to meet. When we meet untapped what they posted was the tip of the iceberg, they appear to havenmentsl health problems, they ask me for money, only £5 - what do I do?

Like I said, befriending organizations and listening organizations have training, policies and guidelines to protect everyone involved. I don't want to rain on your parade,but just because someone posts on an anonymous Internet forum it does not make them qualified to help. It would be great if we could trust people but it only needs to go wrong once for people to get hurt and mumsnets reputation to be damaged.