MNHQ so what is allowed.

[ChristmasFuckers]

Whatand how can we discuss the donations??

Gah, my cloak is rubbish! Thank you for the reply, Helen.

god, sorry TSC, wasn't meaning to sound as though you were doing the asking

gawd, it's a minefield!

was just interested in how it was all perceived, really, and since we are talking about the generosity of MNers, and various ways in which support has been garnered, etc

sorry

Akiram We will have a wonderful Christmas stuffing our faces and basically acting like children for the day We have each other and we have delicious food what more could you want?

The post I quoted is on the thread in chat started by the OP of the thread last night "I might as well rip my heart out and stomp on it" I think.

"In this case, it was felt that the OP was getting accused of all sorts and that the thread was degenerating into a trolly bunfight - and it does certainly look that way from what I can see now."

Helen, can you clarify what you consider 'trolly bunfight' as opposed to 'raising concern and pointing out that you don't think something is 'on'.?

We all know and love MN - I've been here 6½ years. In 2 years of posting you will, I suspect have seen every shade of MN life.

I have never known it to be the case on here MN that people are censored for expressing misgivings by site activity. Perhaps it is different now.

QueenofJacksDreams
That is why I am against people asking (or implying that they would like to receive) donations from other posters.

Yes, the giver may well be someone with £££ in the bank.

But they may be someone like you, who is skint herself but wants to help those that seem even worse off than themselves.

I suppose we aren't meant to be discussing a particular thread, but I agree with Lougle that most of last night's dissention came from concern for the OP as much as general discomfort at the cash flying around.

There were a few more pointed remarks, obviously, but not enough to justify deleting the thread, in my humble opinion.

And the OP could have stopped all of the unpleasantness by asking people NOT to send her money once she had had some helpful advice, sympathy and a few kind offers of practical help and some food.

Mme On threads like the 1 in question there were many posts by people saying "I don't have much but I can you some tins, or something from my freezer. Quite often it is the posters who also have little who are the quickest to offer.

Sponsorship, blankets or the donations for CupOfTea/Beatrice are very different, imo.

With CoT, a few of us organised where to send the donations and it was organised by CestTout.

Not a "woe is me", "here, have some cash"

Ok, MNHQ...leaving aside the mechanisms that were at work last night. Leaving aside the 'troll/not troll' (I don't actually think anyone suggested trollery, except that MNHQ seem to think that we, the posters who expressed concern/caution/outrage/whatever were trolling). Leaving aside whether there should be systems in place...

MNHQ - could you confirm if any attempt has been made to investigate exactly how much the poster was sent in payments/payments in kind/shopping?

Could you confirm if, in the light of the OP feeling so terribly embarrassed about all this and pledging to return some money, MNHQ are offering the OP assistance in making sure that the posters who she feels should have money returned will do?

QueenofJacks - what you have posted is my exact problem. People who are in a difficult situation themselves but who have planned effectively and used their own resources to get through a tough patch see a sob story and think 'we are lucky to have what we have, I can spare XXXX'.
When the reality is that the person posting the sob story might actually be in a better position.

MmeReindor (love the name)- research has shown that poorer people tend to give proportionately more of their income to charity/helping out family and friends than richer ones. Whether that is because poor people understand how hard it is to be struggling, or because rich folk don't get that way by being soft-hearted, I'm not sure...

RichTea, maybe she doesn't want to respond because she's having a shit time. I don't know about you, but if I was having a bad time, I wouldn't be up for talking to people who are calling me a liar.

Mme, yep.

Mme, yep.

"RichTea, maybe she doesn't want to respond because she's having a shit time. I don't know about you, but if I was having a bad time, I wouldn't be up for talking to people who are calling me a liar."

If I were having a bad time, I couldn't do anything else but respond to those with concerns, so that I could move on..

So you're a different person to her Lougle. Personally if I was being called a liar, I'd be in such shock that I wouldn't want to post about it for a while.

That's why she posted, isn't it Queen? Because she was skint and miserable and depressed.

So what if she's posted on other threads. Just because she hasn't answered your questions doesn't mean she is a liar/was on the scrounge.

Yellow But she has also been helped out very generously. Where would the harm be in saying "you know what, deep down I knew someone might offer some financial help and I am so greatful to everyone who did whether financially, practically or emotionally. I was given X amount, plus a tesco order therefore I am able to return X amount to MNHQ for them to donate to a charity so it is all above board. Again thankyou everyone." How hard is it to post something like that when you have just been given a life line by strangers?

IF I had generously received some monetary donations AND there were doubts about how much I received, I would have posted a thread to say thank you and listed exactly where and who I took money from for example, Realitree for the £10 received, Queen for the £20 received etc... so it's clear what the total was and that everything else would be returned or donated. And if donated, I would happily put up a PDF showing the transaction happening. But that's just me.

We did a bring and buy sale at my work for the tsunami appeal in 2006. It was hugely successful and we raised over £800 in cash. Completely unexpected, we expected to raise £100 at the most. It would have been easy to walk out of my workplace either with part of the money or all of it. Hundreds of people came to the appeal and donated more than they bought etc. NO ONE questioned us as to whether we donated the money. However, I (and a few workmates) made it as transparent as possible. We had colleagues not involved in the organisation of the appeal to 'witness' me donating the money via my bank to the tsunami fund and we took a PDF of the acknowledgement and sent an email out to everyone in the company thanking for their support and to prove that the money went to the right place. But it would have been so easy to just walk out with the cash. Sometimes, people are just too trusting.

Queenofbingo - the OP has thanked people who gave her cash by PM, and doesn't want to talk about any of it any longer.

Actually, I just remembered last week a poster talking about taking out a doorstep loan because her dc's has no presents. She was given short shrift with comments like "xmas comes on the same day each year ffs, how can you not plan for it" along with practical advice and quick cash tips. No offers of cash.