Let's talk about sex toys (well, ads for them on Mumsnet), please

[HelenMumsnet]

Hello.

We'd like your opinions, please, on Mumsnet taking ads for stores/sites that sell sex toys.

We accepted a campaign for one site like this earlier in the week - and then removed it after receiving a fair number of complaints.

So, what we need to know now is...

Do you mind ads for stores/sites that sell sex toys - generally speaking?

Does it matter which stores/sites these are? And what kind of stuff they're selling?

And, if you wouldn't run a mile from these kinds of ads, would you be happy to see them all over Mumsnet (with the obvious exception of our more sensitive topics such as Bereavement, Special Needs, Relationships, Miscarriage etc)? Or would you prefer them only to be in Chat?

Do please post and let us know your thoughts.

Thanks MNHQ

I certainly don't object to the use of sex toys between consenting adults.

I object most vigorously to degrading products, porn, costumes etc being advertised on MN. This is and should continue to be a woman-friendly space.

You find a shop which sells sex toys etc advertised in a way which is not demeaning, does not promote body fascism, does not normalise the idea of woman's sexuality as subordinate to male sexuality & desire - brilliant. Advertise away. I'd love to find an online shop like that myself.

I suspect we all draw the line in different places. What this and the other thread has demonstrated, I think, is that the majority of MNers are NOT happy for you to identify us with retailers like LoveHoney.

Those that find being tied up in a straitjacket and having a smear test erotic - feel free. Just not in my prudish, feminist face please.

Doesnt bother me, I think its best that the ads dont picture anything that may offend the delicate types [or the feminists] fair enough....and yes dont particularly need my 12 yr old seeing a rabbit dildo on the screen.

But we are all adults and have the choice to click on a link or not. I never click a link to Boden or The white house 'cos they are not my thing.

Coco de mer and Myla are over priced shite for people that think buying from them makes their smut more classy, Lovehoney is fine by me but then I am a customer tester and reviewer with them anyway.

I expect from the general consensus on this thread that it will be a no no anyway though.

Whatever

I've heard MmeL has a bit of a crush there, BOF

on a stupid stupid tablet and can't link, but anyone who thinks casual sexification of cjlture isn't a problem should look at aibu to think this is incitement to rape...

Christina! I will be contacting my lawyers to instruct them to sue MN's arse for that slanderous post.

what swallowed a fly said

And as to the comment that MN is a business - no one is saying that we should refuse all ads.

Just those from companies that sell items that are degrading to women.

I have actually noticed that the ads on MN have been getting better, cleverer. I saw one recently that used MN slang, and thought it was very good.

And I agree with WMMC. Lets have some ads for stuff other than Boden and mummsy stuff.

There must be loads of companies who would fit better to MN.

:o MmeL. Sorry, Friday night, and all that

On a serious note, agree with Per Adua.

If there were a company who exclusively sold 'sex toys' for women which could in no way be construed as degrading, offensive or mysogynistic, then I wouldn't have a problem with them being advertised on here.

You'll never find one though

HERE YOU GO PERA6URA

OMG - what will DH think if he looks on the history?!!!!!

thanks mwahaha

No, just no.

I'm no prude but I'd rather follow up links from other Mners than be faced with adverts. Frankly I've had a lot of problems with cookies and what-have-yous ( lacking technical knowledge here) then leading onto 'dating agency ' and 'let's chat' 'looking for sex? 'sites following from looking on these sites and i would really rather i didn't get them while looking at Mumsnet or any other time frankly.

I know Im late joining this thread but I cant resist adding my opinion.

Personally I dont want to see ads for sex toys (or other sex stuff) on any mumsnet page regardless of topic, regardless of which company the advert is for.
Even if the ads are mostly just words with no 'offensive' pictures, I dont want my kids saying "mum, what is love honey?" or whatever!

Ive no doubt that makes me seem a prude - so be it!

No, wouldn't be happy with that at all.
For the reasons cited above

MNHQ You have a feminism board, you didn't really think this was going to be a winner did you??

I personally wouldn't care so long as the adverts were suitable for small children to see (so you'd have to click the link to see anything 'adult') as I know many MNers MN with their kids on their knee/in the room. But then I don't see every second thing/comment as degrading, offensive or mysogynistic

I do think, however, you would be really really stupid to go ahead with it, as it would cause nothing but grief for you & it probably would make MN less respected by the media etc.

I happily wander into Anne Summers and browse the rabbits - I don't want them hopping popping up on my screen thank you very much!

Don't sell your souls for cash, MNHQ

What about Sh! Women? I really like them. Run by women and for women.

I don't like ads for sex products. I find them very off-putting. Tacky, nasty and unpleasant, they are always hideously designed. I've always thought of mumsnet as a classy brand, but carrying these ads completely contradicts this. Just looks desperate and undermines MN's position.

One of the things that I want to challenge, is this bland assertion that these are sex toys and nothing else and we have to accept all this at face value.

Some of them of course, are just sex toys. Some of them however, are instruments of abuse. MN is full of threads from women who are being forced to do things in the bedroom that they don't want to do. If you enjoy being whipped, tied up, having your vagina stretched by specula, being fist fucked until your anus bleeds, I'm not talking about you, whatever rocks your boat, this isn't about you. It's about all the women who are forced or pressurised by their partners, to do things they feel really unhappy and uncomfortable about sexually and come on to MN to seek support and advice from other women.

Sometimes those women will have handmaidens and trolls telling them that their feelings aren't valid; they receive the modern day equivalent advice of "lie back and think of England". The sexual revolution hasn't happened for them - just for their DP's. And what makes me uncomfortable about MN advertising companies that buy into those sorts of attitudes, is that a woman posting for support and advice, will not only have the idiots to contend with who warn her that if she doesn't comply with her DP's wishes, then she'll only have herself to blame if her husband leaves her for another woman or pays a prostituted woman for sex or some other such twaddle that I have sometimes read on MN, but she'll also have to contend with the undermining of her feelings by the "official" endorsement of those attitudes that the advertising represents.

And yes, I know that all these sorts of advertisers would emphasise that they don't condone sexual bullying blah di blah; but it is still a massive taboo for women to admit that they are having to do things in bed, that they don't want to and the proponents of porn culture, have a vested interest in denying that this sort of sexual bullying is rife and in fact have a vested interest in getting their stakeholders to participate in the sexual bullying by advising the victims of it, to get with the programme and just try it out, stop being prudes and just do it to make your DP happy when he wants you to try anal sex, or being tied up, or blindfolded or whatever. These sites make those activities look as though eveyrone is or should be doing them and their presence on MN would further undermine the objections of someone who comes here for support. That would be extremely shit IMO.

Ooops sorry for the essay.

Off to bed, good night.

I see someone has beaten to mentioning Sh. The website is here and on a brief look doesn't appear to be in the usual mould.
The physical store will only let men in if they are accompanied by a woman.
Just don't ask me how i know that

Very good post Uppity. I know of a number of women who have been severely harmed by BDSM relationships and other kinds of sexually abusive behaviour.

Sh Women still has BDSM gear (including ropes for rope bondage which is dangerous) and promotes the idea of women as sex objects (women having to get dressed up in sexy gear to titillate her partner)

It's horrible. Please don't do it, you'll lose my readership at any rate.

I find these things really offensive and especially if my children are looking at the screen - no other site I look at advertises this shite so why the feck do you think it's appropriate for you to? As a parenting site?