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a chance for the SN community to tell you how it really is and to tell you the horrid stuff they have to deal with

492 replies

2shoes · 17/04/2012 11:02

all the time..
after the horror of the other thread, I think it would be good for the sn community on mn to tell their stories, when they have been harassed/assaulted/ and abused by the nt world.
night help to put a couple of minor incidents that someone in the nt world has had to put up with for a very short space of time.

so I will start ....
we were subjected ot haye crime for 5 years....why because my ds fell out with them when they called my dd a spaz.
we can't go out without the staring...small children blocking out way in the shop, whilst mummy/daddy does nothing, just so their child can stare at dd, who is shock horror in a wheelchair.
my son was bullied at school by nt kids who took delight in calling dd a spaz.

mie are minor compared with most.

OP posts:
TheEternalOptimist · 17/04/2012 12:03

JimJams
I have just bought a convertible. If you live anywhere near Scotland, I will come round and let your DS open and close the roof :)

2shoes · 17/04/2012 12:04

hathorinareddress69 how lovely that your little one said hello

OP posts:
couldimaybe · 17/04/2012 12:04

This thread has me in tears, I am so very sorry that your children have to go through this on a daily basis xxxx

Rillyrillygoodlooking · 17/04/2012 12:05

This thread just makes me so sad. We've had it easy.
We've only had people nudge each other and whisper really loudlyHmm about ds's hearing aids coz he had them at six months old.
I think with neonatal screening it should get less unusual to see babies with hearing aids.
But nothing bad just interest and looking.
Although mil found out about cochlear implants and suggested that DS get one( he doesn't need one). When she found out how big they are, ie slightly bigger than a hearing aid, she agreed it wasn't for DS. She was basically trying to hide ds's hearing aids and was trying to find smaller/ invisible ones Hmm

hathorinareddress69 · 17/04/2012 12:05

DD1 had multiple food intolerances and PID (thankfully grown out of it's called transient hypogammaglobulanaemia).

She used to have horrific meltdowns around food. She couldn't have most normal food.

She was smacked by my mother in law.

Shouted at by my BIL (and I mean in your face really really shouted not just tutting)

We were told we were pandering to her.

2shoes · 17/04/2012 12:06

lovingthecoast I put it in chat as I wanted it seen and no way was I doing AIBU as I am not lol

OP posts:
saintlyjimjams · 17/04/2012 12:06

Oh yes ds2's 'friends' charmingly told him he had a spastic for a brother. Or something like that. Maybe they just made durr noises and put their tongues in their mouths. These are otherwise perfectly pleasant kids. Ds2 was upset. I went into school to complain and ensure they were aware and was told ds2 was over-sensitive (this is an otherwise sane school as well).

Kladdkaka · 17/04/2012 12:06

I got thrown out of a museum because my present spoilt other people's enjoyment of the facilities.

I got spat on on the bus.

A woman in the supermarket queue loudly announced she'd kill herself if she was like me.

My daughter got shouted at and called a hobo while innocently waitng for a train. (It was kind of funny)

A woman attacked my car with her brolly.

A market stall holder grabbed me, man-handled me away from his stall, threw me to the ground and told me to 'fuck off' all for stopping to look at the clothes he was selling.

I've been pushed out of every job I've ever had by intimidation from colleagues and refusal of employers to follow equality/disability discrimination law.

A neighbours son kicked me in the back of the head while I was gardening, much to the amusement of his mum and the other neighbours.

Another neighbour delibrately smashed my windows.

Someone regularly let all my tyres down.

I could go on, but it's so depressing.

MagsAloof · 17/04/2012 12:07

MN-ers on the SN boards got me through DS's first disasterous years at mainstream school, taught me everything I needed to know about getting a Statement, gave me the balls to fight for one when it looked like it might not happen, and basically helped me to become a Mumzilla in the face of the LA and every other fucker who thinks they are going to shirk their responsiblity for educatingmy son.

So, thanks for that Grin

hathorinareddress69 · 17/04/2012 12:07

Oh I had a massive row with my MIL when she said DS should get a hearing aid and I wasn't doing enough for him because he didn't have them.

She refused point blank to believe that the type of hearing loss he had would not be suitable for hearing aids. I told her if he could have had them I would have gotten him them even if they were 2ft tall and pink with green spots.

Then she read something about cochlear implants and that was another session of me being told I wasn't doing enough for him he should have them.

No, he's not a suitable candidate for them either.

Sigh.

saintlyjimjams · 17/04/2012 12:09

JimJams
I have just bought a convertible. If you live anywhere near Scotland, I will come round and let your DS open and close the roof

ha ha - opposite end of the country but ds1 loves watching convertibles on you tube. :) He runs up to them in car parks and shouts 'shut' if the roof is up.

alifeunlimited.wordpress.com/ - have a scroll down - there's one of his youtube convertible videos :) also a photo of him sitting on a car roof (encouraged by the owner who climbed up through the sun roof first). Grin

MagsAloof · 17/04/2012 12:10

Half of my family dont believe DS is autistic and think we are just bad parents.

UnChartered · 17/04/2012 12:11

oh yes, and i've been called a 'pushy mum' because DD goes to dancing and trampolining lessons

not a single consideration that these are actually therapy for her self esteem and physical development Sad

Peachy · 17/04/2012 12:11

I've got too many sorry. In my 'defence' I have two with diagnosed invisible disability (ASD).

So.

When we used to take DS1 swimming and he got too old for the ladies changing but could not go in the boys alone. He needed the loo and we were wrestling with autistic ds3 so we sent him into the disabled tilets (he has ASD also). He cmae out crying; some kids ahd decided he shouldn;t be in there as he 'wasn't disabled' and cracked his head against teh cistern. The pool did their best to sort the kids out but the parents flat denied everything and in the end there was nothing we could do.

At a family festival (just a day music thing) ds1 was refused admission to the disabled toilet even though he had urge incontinence and the NT toilet queue was huge; DH explained he has autism to the security guard who said 'ooh that's nice' and shrugged- DH went in anyway and luckily that one was dealt with as we happened to be mater with the head of security there Grin Had dh not got ds1 in we'd have been l;eft with a wet boy in seconds.

At the mainstream school ds3 was forced to attend before getting a place in a SNU, some of the aprents took offence to ds3's 'special priveledges'- now think he was at that time a child with no speech and in nappies. DS3 depended on routine each day to get him through the door and his TA would meet him outside in the yard and take him in- TA allocated with his statement money. These parents protested by getting between ds3 and the TA with their kids every morning and barricading his access to TA' lously declaring 'You (child's anem) have as much right to this TA as that child'. We had each time to take ds3 home and try agin hourly until he'd go in.

The MacDonalds in Newport who refused a key to ds3 to use the disabled loo as apparently he's not autistic, even though if unsupervised in a loo he has been known to lick inside the bowl of the toilet.

The trip to Cwmbran where ds1 knocked me out (DH had to run into the bank unexpectedly s there was an error on his account)- and a crowd just stood and stared even though ds3, then about 3 and using reins, just bolted away in front of them.

The people at ds1's old Primary (luckily we moved) who raised a petition against his being there, though when I asked the teacher if she'd been given one, she announced loudly that if anyone tried to give her such a thing tehre's be trouble- Mrs Gorsuch I will always love you for that!

The trouble with the police going on right now after ds1's SN taxi driver decided to assault him and the other child he took to their ASD Base each day. Still waiting to hear from the people who deal with vulnerable kids, it's been a fortnight today and nobody has spoken to ds1 yet Sad

The kids who decided to teach ds1 a lesson by getting 12 of them to beat him up, leaving show shaped bruises. they also used to make ds1 PAY for being allowed to play with them.

Now I also have had lots of blessings- family fund help, a benevolent fund funded trip to BIBIC when ds1 was small, lots and lots of acts of kindness that outweigh the bad in some measure but I do fear hugely for what the boys face when I am gone.

Agincourt · 17/04/2012 12:12

we have also had one of my sons friends (both NT) call my dd with sn a spaz Hmm I had to take him to task about it too and then the mother helpfully told me that he didn't 'mean it like that at all'. What?? He didn't mean to keep calling her a spaz, saying there was some bloke on sky tv who was a spaz and then mock her and start talking funny. Oh Hilair.

Fucking hell Kladdkaka, that's bloody awful :(

I have just posted on the other thread re. this. But if my dd says hello to people 95% do not say hello back and just stare aghast.

whatkungfuthat · 17/04/2012 12:13

Mags I am all too familiar with that!

TheEternalOptimist · 17/04/2012 12:14

JimJams
He is adorable. Love the surfing photos. If I ever make it down south, me and your DS have a date!

5inthebed · 17/04/2012 12:14

Ah yes Mags, the good old relatives. My MIL thinks we are withholding that magic tablet that will make DS2 normal just so that we can claim all the benefits or him. She also thinks he needs a good hiding and has been known to smack him to "keep him in check". Needless to say he does not get left with her however desperate I am.

ValiumQueen · 17/04/2012 12:15

What does NT mean?

saintlyjimjams · 17/04/2012 12:15

Oh theeternal - he would love that! :)

Rillyrillygoodlooking · 17/04/2012 12:17

Unfortunately DS only got his hearing aids at six months because DH didn't want to have them earlier.
Even though DH accepts that DS needs his HAs now, if I bring up in conversation something that illustrates DS's deafness, DH has a bit of a strop and says something about the HAs making it worse, like he wouldn't have been deaf if it wasn't for the hearing aids Confused
hath does your DS sign? I am learning sign language. It's a great language, they should teach it at school.

MagsAloof · 17/04/2012 12:17

NT = neurotypical , or 'normal' as my stepdad would say Sad

ValiumQueen · 17/04/2012 12:18

Thank you mags

VJayazzle · 17/04/2012 12:19

On a positive note I did get an apology off my dad once ds got his diagnosis of autism. He had always told me ds was naughty whenever he saw him up to that point. Doesn't help when you're dealing with challenging behaviour, and to be fair he is very supportive now. Though some family still don't get it. I explain to them that surely all the people involved in his dx would not have got it wrong, but it's been 4 years now and I know who I can turn to for support and who I can't Sad

hathorinareddress69 · 17/04/2012 12:21

Rilly - he does sign, but he learnt it as a bigger teen he always just managed with speech (although his speech was slow to develop and just generally he talks a bit slower than normal he now has 65%-ish hearing although until he was 10 it was about 25%)

He does lip read though - very well.

And please anyone who has a child with SN - it isn't necessarily all a bad thing. It won't necessarily make their live terrible. Yes, it might be harder than an NT child, but it will mostly just be different. Not better, not worse, just different.

As I said, DS's deafness made him the man he is today (he's 21). I am very proud of him and I wouldn't change him for the world. Although, it would be good if he would cut his hair and his trainers were less smelly. Wink

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