a chance for the SN community to tell you how it really is and to tell you the horrid stuff they have to deal with

[2shoes]

all the time..
after the horror of the other thread, I think it would be good for the sn community on mn to tell their stories, when they have been harassed/assaulted/ and abused by the nt world.
night help to put a couple of minor incidents that someone in the nt world has had to put up with for a very short space of time.

so I will start ....
we were subjected ot haye crime for 5 years....why because my ds fell out with them when they called my dd a spaz.
we can't go out without the staring...small children blocking out way in the shop, whilst mummy/daddy does nothing, just so their child can stare at dd, who is shock horror in a wheelchair.
my son was bullied at school by nt kids who took delight in calling dd a spaz.

mie are minor compared with most.

We where lucky DS was middle child and DD1 was extremely bright but SENCO hated him and made snide remarks to DD1 then aged 7 about his behaviour he only had GDD LD's and ADHD at the time she raved about DD1 in P1 though she was there when head had office days.

And just to make things even more interesting Chez Hunty, the school are trying to get my DS1 assessed for Aspergers. Isn't two dc on the Autistic Spectrum enough?!

I have had my suspicions since he was about 2yo, but have never pushed for a diagnosis because until a year ago, he was coping fine. Now though, his problems with social skills are becoming more apparent. Hey Ho.

Oh, there was the time my DBro was attacked at school, having his two front teeth (thankfully still baby teeth) kicked out in the school playground when a gang of children held him down and took turns at kicking him in the face when he was 7yo. The school said that they couldn't guarantee his safety.

So He was pulled out of that school, and after being HE'd for a year, we finally found a school that was willing to take him for half days - and the other parents at the school got a petition up saying that if the school accepted my Dbro, they would take their DC out of the school. Thankfully it didn't work.

My DBro was expelled from pre-school, refused access to a children's church group unless he was accompanied by me, he wasn't allowed to attend primary school full-time until he was halfway through Y6.

Now, though, he is 21, is currently in his second year at Uni, at UAE, studying environmental science, his last two essays he got 85% and 93% on, he has lots of online friends, who he chats to through FB and other sites, and is a lovely man to be around.

(Ooops - forgot to say, my DBro has Aspergers)

He sounds amazing hunty

Oh, God, I'm just so glad that the horror of it has dimmed with the passing of the years! (DD is now 14yo).

Thankfully, DD had my friend's boy to play with, and didn't notice really - it hurt ME more I think, that any ONE person would be so cruel, let alone twenty-fucking five of them.

I moved her school after that, and it was never that bad at her two subsequent schools.

Kids are nasty little. Sorry if I offend but after seeing all 3 of mine on the physical end of them because of DS I really feel it and the age they start I despair DS had friends before he started school one of those same friends was the one who assaulted him at 7 they actualluy stopped speaking to him as soon as he started at the unit now no-one is telling me that 4/5 year olds hold that prejudice without adult influence.

thing is dotty that kids will pick on anything ......... whether it is hair colour, body build, spectacle wearing, freckles .... or just that one child is quieter than others. Yes parental factors can come into play at times ( to positive and negative) but bullies and gangs will always find someone to pick on.

I was bullied throughout school life for being quiet and well behaved ..... then for being more physically advanced ( boobs and periods at primary) ...and for wearing spectacles ... .. and for standing up for the boy they called "retard" and being his friend.... and for being poor and having handme down clothes / free school dinners . I used to try and be first out so I could run home before they got to me.

( and as for secondary school ) just as bad so I just stayed in at breaks practicing piano ... never went out. All because I was quiet and did not like joining in and of the teen stuff I just "did not get".

I think that there are many nice kids out there but some just seem to from an early age have to be top dog and negate the ones they see as "weak" .... and some others follow that example.

I was ready for bed when i started reading this thread.....AAgghhh!!!
My DS(7) has ASD&ADHD. He has very challenging behaviour due to anxiety and he makes noise constantly, so he screams/barks/clucks etc regardless of where he is.

Possibly the worst thing anyone has ever said to me about SN children, was my friend's husband..."It was probably gods way to make them like that cos they might have grown up to be rapists and child abusers!!!' WHAT??? FFS... My reply...'My DS was sent to teach me to be a better person. DS is my4th child, been a mum for nearly 20 years but i knew nothing about anything until i had my son!

I don't hear the mutters any more, ignore the stares and always smile at the strangers... its the hypocrites that get me. The people who tell me they understand, how sad, you know where i am if you need a chat, blah blah blah but then you find out your DS was only child not invited to the party/outing/trip.

I meet people who are ignorant, just as i was until 4 years ago but i also meet alot of people who are just rude, prejudiced and quick to judge.

My DS has an I.Q of 126, the very first person i met from a very well known disabilities charity said ' Don't worry he can get benefits when he's older!!!' I went to her for advice on his statement, i remember thinking then, (he was 4), should we just throw him on the scrap heap now?

Oh i could go on & on...

I really don"t give a great big poo what anyone thinks now, took 4 years to get to this point but i will not let those bigots get to me. DS has no understanding of bullying or even if someone is taking the piss out of him, they simply are not worth it...

Right i'm off to bed!
xxx

the horrors that people come out with.
I thought mn was bad, but some of these rl ones beat it.
I still havn't got my hear round my BIL who was jealous that we got respite, as he had 3 nt kids and they were hard work, (he got loads of help form the family, we gone none)

Oh, I could cry

That party story has really got to me

How can adults be so dispicably cruel???? How?

Hunty as another with 2 dx'd and one beinga ssessed I feel qualified to offer you massive hugs X

Becaroo - thankfully, due to memory problems etc, DD doesn't remember it, it was 9 years ago now.

At least SHE doesn't remember it. I still remember the HORROR of watching the clock tick-tock round, with NO-ONE turning up. I ended up going outside and ringing my friend and asking her to bring her DS round for DD to play with.

DD didn't notice, but I will never forget that feeling of dawning realisation that not one person who had RSVP'd was going to turn up, and the penny dropping that it was because of DD's SN's.

Ah, Peachy, what good will the diagnosis do? It won't get the school to actually DO anything to help, or get them to stop the other children from hurting him, or finally allow him to spend lunchtime in the library in peace and safety, will it? And it's not going to get him a statement when he is academically brilliant. It's not going to get him moved to a better school. It's just going to be a bit of paper and more consultants appointments...

I never pursued it purely because I know that it won't do any good. Not here, and not without severe behavioural difficulties - which he doesn't have. The fact that he will more than likely get a diagnosis doesn't change the fact that he is who he is, and people are bloody nasty.

Okay!

This thread is very sad, but also great, because i'm getting ideas now of what i can do within my own charity to help. People's shared stories are increasing awareness, and higlighting where there is need. Education seems to be a key thing.

I seriously agree with the poster who said awareness of SN should be on par with racial, sexual discrimination, and i believe it should start as early as nursery level.

I like the idea of Nt children and SN meeting together, having parties and making friends, or just interactly positively. It was really shocking reading about the poster's sister who has loads of qualifications but at 35 has NEVER had a friend and NEVER been invited to a party, just shocking!

Do parents of SN children ever get together on a regular basis to have a party and support eachother ? Im not talking about small local groups but like a national event ?

There ARE events like that, but often it is hard to travel to them when you have DC with SN's, so more regional or even local things are often more helpful.

For someone like me, it is hard enough to cope with my dc on a 1hr train journey to London, I wouldn't attempt it lightly, as with 4 dc, one a baby in a pram, two with diagnosed Autism, one in the process of a diagnosis, me with epilepsy, and being a Lone Parent thus having to possibly try to cope with 2/3 meltdowns AND a baby all at once alone, even the 'local' groups are almost impossible for me to access.

The 'local' group for parents of children on the Autistic Spectrum is an hours' bus ride away, across the town, and I haven't been more than once a year because it is so difficult for me to access.

It's VERY isolating, and there is no help available for me to access to GET me there quicker.

I can't access the Epilepsy support group as it is in the evening AND is impossible to get HOME from by public transport, as it is two buses there, and the last bus from the group to the town centre leaves 30 minutes BEFORE the end of the 2 hr support group.

I can't access the support group for Autism, as the hour bus journey each way isn't feasible with all 4 dc when I am alone.

I can't access the LD's group for DD because the teenagers one runs from 7pm-9pm on a school night, and she would get back home too late by public transport when she has school the next day.

IME, All the support groups seem to assume that everyone has a car. Or has a partner with a car that can drive them around. If you don't, then you are screwed for support.

The SN crowd on here ARE my only support with my issues - the only other people I know in RL that also have SN DC have been dealing with it for a lot less time than me, and look to ME for the support IYSWIM.

that is horrendous HuntyCat

also don't forget sometimes you can feel like an intruder.
dd is severely disabled but if we went to a large event we would probably end up on our own as she is very much an individual and doesn't tick the right boxes

Very well said on your post (Wed 18-Apr-12 23:09:29) 2Shoes.

Huntycat, your story about your DDs party pulls at my heartstrings. Had the exact same thing happen to DS2. Invited roughly 30 IIRC (from SS and MS as he did both at the time) to his 4th birthday party, I'd hired a soft play out, no other children would be there. One came from SS (fair enough, it was a class of 6) but only 2 came from MS and only then because they were my friends DC. Nobody else had bothered replying. I cried all day long, DS2 OTOH had a great time. I think it was more the rejection of my child from adults that hurt the most.

When DS2 started reception, within a week he was targetted as a bully as there was a child going around smacking other children. The filthy looks we got off other parents and the pulling their children away if DS2 approached them was very stressful. As it turned out it was another (NT) child that was doig the smacking, not DS2. The school already knew it wasn't DS2 from day 1, the parents of the child who was doing the smacking already knew it wasn;t him either, yet because DS2 acted the way he does, he was instantly assumed to be the hitter.

I remember just after DD2 started P1 another parent came up to me to complain about DS as it happens I'd seen the incident and was going to apologise to her and explain (he'd spat at her) but she did it in front of all the P1/P2 parents (composite class) so I left it shouldn't of but she embarrassed me. He only ever got one party invite and that was off another parent who's son attended OT out of the same class with him.

The class teacher pulled me aside over it as well thought it was shocking behaviour from her.

Huntycat, your dd's birthday party experiences have been ours too. Also attempts to arrange play dates with friends from school are declined

how awful that children are left our of parties because of cruel parents,

DS had a birthday party that only 2 classmates came to as well - luckily his class didn't RSVP though, so we had time to invite friends and family...he was happy with his mini party, but I was so upset that out of 28 classmates only 2 wanted to come to his party and the 2 that did come were just nice wee girls who would have gone to anything, lol

Re support meeting type things - I don't have masses of DC free time, even though DS is a teenager and he hates crowds, so anything big just wouldn't be possible and anything geared towards him isn't massively suitable for DD

Huntycat, we have the same problem with getting to groups. I don't drive and everything for disabled children and their parents is too far away. I went to a baby group for children under 2 with special needs with ds1 for a while when we had a driver from barnardos but now the funding for the driver has gone and I can't go with ds3.

:( such a sad thread.

My brother has downs/ASD and health complications. I used to be his main career/send a lot of time with him..from the looks of this thread we were so lucky!

DB is diabetic & has anger issues. He once ran away from his residential 6F college and was met in the street by two police officers (by chances). He was having a hypo and was v. angry. He attempted to punch one of the younger policemen, missed and according to the report slumped to the ground. An ambulance was called as his HT got there. According to 2nd hand story telling the younger copper tried to say he had to take DB to police station for assault BEFORE he was allowed medical treatment and wanted to arrest for assault. An older copper intervened and over ruled. He was treated in the ambulance and no charges were pressed, but the mind boggles as to what the younger copper was thinking!!

I am sorry so many of you have had such harrowing experiences. SN children/family members is so difficult, and made no easier by ignorant people.

There are people out there who are SO kind though. It would be nice to see a thread talking about all the help/care/concern of strangers too, because it really happens. I have physical disabilities and MH issues and as I mentioned my DB has LD's/health issues. People can be horrible, yes..but they can also show so much compassion and care. I know it does not outweigh the horrific experiences, especially like that the OP suffered, but I think it is a fact v. worth holding on to.

twitchrabbitbouncebounce oh yes I would love a thread like that.
we have met so many lovely people because of dd's sn

I can see my initial thought of a big party would be impractical i suppose i thought if it was a national event it will give it a bigger profile and draw more support and better organisation so people could get there.

I really can't understand how people can be so cruel. However, do you think part of the ignorance of the parents is because they really dont know a child has SN ? Perhapsparents as well as children need to be informed when starting a new class ?