a chance for the SN community to tell you how it really is and to tell you the horrid stuff they have to deal with

[2shoes]

all the time..
after the horror of the other thread, I think it would be good for the sn community on mn to tell their stories, when they have been harassed/assaulted/ and abused by the nt world.
night help to put a couple of minor incidents that someone in the nt world has had to put up with for a very short space of time.

so I will start ....
we were subjected ot haye crime for 5 years....why because my ds fell out with them when they called my dd a spaz.
we can't go out without the staring...small children blocking out way in the shop, whilst mummy/daddy does nothing, just so their child can stare at dd, who is shock horror in a wheelchair.
my son was bullied at school by nt kids who took delight in calling dd a spaz.

mie are minor compared with most.

Ds has been bullied at school by 'nt' kids, he has been poked in the face with a stick, strangled, bitten 3 times, pushed down the stairs, had his lunch and belongings taken from him.

He has been called weirdo, freak, shitty pants.

'nt' kids constantly take advantage of him, tell him to do things, blame him for things as they know he gets confused easily and cannot speak up.

Usually within about 10 minutes of entering a swing park, other children will realise he is 'different' and tell him to go away. He will sometimes be hit by other children in the park too, for wanting to join in with them.

Ds has some involuntary noises and sounds, head shakes and hand flaps, spinning around etc which often get stared at.

Ds has been left to sit in his own poo all day, as the 'nt' adults couldnt be bothered to help him.

Our next door neighbour is very intolerant of ds, she ignores him if he says hello to her over the fence. She has even knocked on my door to say she saw ds throwing pebbles into a bucket in my garden (with me supervising, part of his coordination therapy) and she was worried that he might throw them over the fence and smash her windows.

I will let you know if i think of anything else.

And we had the "low level" bullying - name calling, making faces, taking bag/lunches.

Making fun of him because he couldn't join in with swimming.

Or rugby. That one got him called gay and a sissy.

My dsis is 35 and has HF autism. She lives in her own house and has qualifications coming out her ears. She has not one friend, not even casual aqauntences. She never has. In her entire 35 years on this planet she has not experienced even a hint of friendship. No invites to the pub or the cinema, no one to text or phone, noone to pop into and visit. No parties nothing, zilch, nadda.

I am beyond upset reading these, I am incandescent with rage.

I am stepping away now.

I am a Mum of 6, 2 of my children have disabilities (one very severe). We have been incredibly lucky on a whole. One incident I now look back on though and actually laugh at was when an elderly man in Waitrose who was just in front of me in a que turned to me and pointed to my daughter in a maclaren buggy/wheelchair (she was 5 at the time) and said, 'Lazy child, and lazy parent, she should be walking at her age, it disgusts me seeing children that age in oversized pushchairs, guess thats young mother's for you (I was 25)'. I was used to these stares as many people wondered at that stage why she wasn't walking. It was the first time someone had commented though. I was stood with my friend at the time and she was horrified. I calmly replied to him though, I asked him if his name was Jesus ? to which he replied 'no, of course not' (quite crossly) and so I said ' oh in that case you can't perfom miracles either then because my daughter is disabled. It would be so nice if people could help teach children good manners and to think before they stare and speak'. He then said 'disabled people are still capable of walking, they're just lazy'. I then had to explain she was physically disabled
as in she didn't have the use of her legs at all. Only after a lengthy explanation from me did he then just turned his back to me and continued waiting ! No apology though ! Unbelievable !

It sounds like we are so lucky where we live, I haven't heard the word 'spazz' for years thank god. My children all get a lot of kindness and understanding from their friends for having siblings with disabilities. I have recently helped set up and chair a charity for children with disabilities and their families that has young helpers (teenagers) from local secondary schools that come and volunteer their time to play and socialize with the children. It promotes social inclusion within the community and works so well. My 14 year old daughter with disabilities now has a circle of 'mainstream' friends (as well as friends with disabilities) that she might never have met, it is wonderful.

I think to some extent it does depend where you live unfortunately as to the majority of attitudes you can come across. I just wish attitudes every where could be more like they are here.

My ds has asd too but he is still so little I cannot bare to read anymore because the thought of any of these things being his future breaks my heart.

As a support worker I earn fractionally above minimum wage. I have been seriously bitten (teeth marks, significant bruising) 8 times. I have been kicked in the ribs so hard I was off work for 3 weeks. That is the most likely cause of my occasional flare ups of pleurisy.

I have had my glasses flung across the room, hair pulled from my head in handfuls, been headbutted, kicked, punched and called every single swear word you can think of, and a fair few creative ones you probably can't.

I've done this type of work for 6 years and have 2 professional qualifications. I'm still worth around £13k per year and am expected to work late nights, weekends, bank holidays etc. I'm one of the lucky ones, I get to go home at the end of the day. My SIL and the ladies of the SN boards here are subject to that every single day.

So far, these are all dreadfully sad . What amazing children you all have.

Mine was last week. We went to a farm. DS2 (6 with ASD/dyspraxia) was happily playing in the soft play when he was singled out by two older chilren, a girl aged around 8 and a boy around 10. They hounded him around the soft play, chucking balls off his head. And because he laughed when they did it, due to his little understanding of bullies, they did it even more maliciously despite being told by several adults to pack it in. Their mother? Sat thumbing away on her blackberry. It was only when I say it happen, and yelled at her kids did she say something to them, briefly looking up. I had not seen the other times happen as was dealing with my toddler but a couple of people from the group we were with did. I had to take Ds2 out of the soft play as they refused to stop.

Oh, and we were thrown off a bus by the driver as I refused to fold DS2s pram down for a wheelchair. Only DS2 was in his Maclaren Major, a pram for disabled children. I was 8 months pregnant at the time.

My DS is 11 and autistic. He has jUsT started going out to the park which is 2 seconds from our front door and we are able to see it from our front window/door. He never goes alone and always has some neighbours children with him who know him well. He has a mobile and has had the rules drummed into him for months.

He has been bullied (obviously the weak link of the group and easy target) only last week he was punched and ha a knife waved in his face by a boy who was younger than him. Police have been involved.

I have been accused of abusing my son by a security card at a shopping centre when I was actually retraining him while he was in crisis, if I hadn't held him he would have ran and endangered himself and others.
My car tyres have been slashed by neighbours kids because of my son making too much noise whilst havin a meltdown (I was 7 months pregnant at this point and couldn't restrain him so had to let him 'get it out of his system'!!!!!
I have also had people ring social services on me and a school accused my husband of domestic abuse as they figured DSs aggression was learnt!!!!!!!

Not sure why you think that is helpfull purple? Please don't pity me for the beautiful son I have he brings me more happiness than you can imagine.

Very sorry for all of you having this to deal with.

Catsdontcare, you reminded ds is 8, but does not have a single friend, apart from his dog. Its so sad to read what the future might hold

I have more.

Being told that he would never achieve anything in his life and the best place for him would be a special school. By the headmaster of a school I was thinking of sending him to.

He didn't go there.

A man walked past my cousins friends son (who has very severe CP) and looked her straght in the eye and said;
"they should be drowned at birth"

Yes.

That acutally happened.

My ds1 (8) has sen and has had to leave one school due to bullying over his dyslexia. At age 6 he was showing signs of clinical depression

Its not the big stuff for me...its the daily snide comments/ignorance/pitying looks that get to me. There will always be very bigoted people around....nothing you can do about it. Its when it comes from someone that should know better...GPs, HVs, teachers etc...thats when I find it hard to take.

And then there are the fights with the professionals - today I have spent the morning pleading to have DS's nappies reassessed because he still isnt getting enough.

hath I was at Oxford uni with someone who was profoundly deaf. She used to lip read the lecturers. We were seriously in awe of her for managing that. Didn't even worry her if she ended up sitting at the back.

There was a blind girl at Dh's college. you'd never have known except for the guide dog.

voidka Its just so, so wrong that you have to do that.

Also had a mother of another child tackle me about his "special treatment" when he eventually did get his statement (just before his A level modules in the Dec/Jan) and ask what could she do to get her son the whole extra 15 minutes per paper he was getting.

He has a communication processing difficulty. Because of his level of deafness when he was younger. It takes him longer to form a thought into language.

I suggested she take her son to the hospital and let them cut his ear off 4 times and remove tumours. And innumerable ear infections to the point where he is resistant to most common antibiotics. And then when she was done doing that he could have SALT for 5 years. And nose cautery. Twice. And tonsils and adenoids out. And double hernia and hydroceles and pyloric stenosis.

She blushed.

(That isn't even all his surgeries either lol)

The pitying looks are tricky aren't they? Because people do feel sorry for people for the condition not for the child. I don't think, when I walk past someone with SN that I pity the parents for having that child, I pity the child and parents for having to cope with the difficulties. Although I'm pretty sure I make an effort to give a broad smile at the child and ignore the parents!! (The children are much cuter than their parents)

This thread is depressing.

And yes to the fights with professionals.

Why do they have to make it so hard?

This is all so sad. Reading this I wish I could set up more charities like the one I help run. We hold free parties once a month for children with disabilities and their families. Helpers, thoughtful young people from local secondary schools come along and volunteer their time. They form friendships or just play alongside the children and it works fantastically well.

2 of my children have disabilities, one quad CP and one with ASD. They now know lots of NT friends who will even come round to the house now and again to play and a couple of girls (who are 16, my daughter is 14) have offered to take my daughter just round the corner from our house for a milkshake when she gets a decent wheelchair.

I think more and more of these initiatives could really help. It is so nice to see that my daughter now has a really mixed social circle including both other children with disabilities and NT. My son also loves the fact he now has a party to go to once a month as he has often bee missed of birthday invites too.

Claw4 I take much hope in that things are not what they were 30 years ago. My parents had no information and no support. They were very isolated themselves and they and my dsis have never managed to break away from that.

I hope that I will be able to make things different for my ds in a way that my parents perhaps could not

Catsdontcare Your poor DSis, have tears in my eyes reading about her.

Thank you for this. That other thread had me in tears and I couldn't put together an eloquent response to combat the ignorance and hatred.

My DB has severe learning disabilities, he is 19 and we regularly go to parks as swings are one of the few things that give him real pleasure. We get a mostly positive response.