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Original poster

a chance for the SN community to tell you how it really is and to tell you the horrid stuff they have to deal with

492 replies

2shoes · 17/04/2012 11:02

all the time..
after the horror of the other thread, I think it would be good for the sn community on mn to tell their stories, when they have been harassed/assaulted/ and abused by the nt world.
night help to put a couple of minor incidents that someone in the nt world has had to put up with for a very short space of time.

so I will start ....
we were subjected ot haye crime for 5 years....why because my ds fell out with them when they called my dd a spaz.
we can't go out without the staring...small children blocking out way in the shop, whilst mummy/daddy does nothing, just so their child can stare at dd, who is shock horror in a wheelchair.
my son was bullied at school by nt kids who took delight in calling dd a spaz.

mie are minor compared with most.

OP posts:
5inthebed · 18/04/2012 17:48

I would feel uncomortable with this thread being linked on Twitter/FB. If you are wanting to start a campaign, I am all for that thread beig linked though.

MmeLindor. · 18/04/2012 17:53

2shoes
Don't misunderstand me - I am not wanting to start a campaign. A few comments were made earlier along the lines of emailing MPs etc. I took that to mean that some posters would be interested in campaigning about the awful treatment experienced by those with SN at the hands of the general public.

I was merely offering advice, based on the campaigning that I have done for MN in the past - miscarriage and rape campaigns for example.

I have no intention of taking this anywhere. I was just reacting to the posts.

I guess that for those of us not directly affected, there is a sense of "Oh FFS, this is awful", which leads on to, "what can I do to help?".

Since I can't go stand for you and your DC in RL, I am trying (in my clumsy way) to do it online.

Original poster
2shoes · 18/04/2012 17:54

MmeLindor oh I do get that Thanks

OP posts:
MmeLindor. · 18/04/2012 17:57

Phew. Didn't want to add to anyone's worries.

HansieMom · 18/04/2012 18:46

Hath, I am so proud of you and your remarks to the
Head. I read that entry three times. Would have loved to have been there!

That was about the tenth message in the thread, which is up to 421 now.

Becaroooo · 18/04/2012 18:48

Sorry, I didnt mean to worry anyone! Sad

I also meant more of a campaign like mme lindor

Would MNHQ have an SN?SN awareness day for example?

hathorkicksass · 18/04/2012 18:56

Apparently, Hansie, in all his years in teaching he had never been spoken to like that by a parent.

I may have suggested that if he had been his school might run a little better.

Grin

(I actually said - well if someone with some fucking balls had told you to get off your fat arse and actually do your fucking job I wouldn't be standing here would I?)

DS left the school not long after.

Becaroooo · 18/04/2012 18:57

hathor I think I might love you!!! Grin

r3dh3d · 18/04/2012 18:58

Hathor, do you do guest appearances? Grin

hathorkicksass · 18/04/2012 18:58
Grin Blush

I have more. Many more.

But I shouldn't have. If it was all run properly (and not much seems to have changed) I would never have had to be like that.

dottyspotty2 · 18/04/2012 19:17

I had a huge row when I removed my son told me I couldn't BIG mistake in the 10 minutes it took me to get home they'd been on to education and he was found a place in the afternoon class that he'd been in the year before.

wentshopping · 18/04/2012 19:26

KalSkirata - I know this is going back quite a few pages - my dd got given that J Wilson book ("hey it's got a sn kid in it, you'll love it") and I hid it, before throwing it out. However, dd2 (nt) got "Out of my mind" by Sharon Draper (we live in US, but it may well be available in UK) which has cp girl as heroine - there are low points in it, but quite positive in her favour - she talks with a comm. device (like dd3) and the people around her don't realise she is as capable as she turns out to be - it is a bit weepy, but lots of kids have read it in dd's school.
I am relatively new to sn boards and have found cp threads useful and friendly.
Sad at all these awful experiences

PurplePidjin · 18/04/2012 19:55

Because, I've never met a SENCO I could respect, either - mainstream or special school. They were invariably trained before Lorna Wing even started her undergrad degree, and haven't quite shaken the lingering after effects of refrigerator mothers Angry

Teachers never seem to comprehend that someone with a degree and PG qualification might not want to be a teacher. They treat all TAs as part time unqualified, ignorant helping mummies. Oh wait, most of them are...

KalSkirata · 18/04/2012 20:10

Hanks wentshopping. We have it. Dd is 8 so i dont know if she is ready. Right now she refuses to have anything to do with disability related stories so waiting fir a better time.

wentshopping · 18/04/2012 23:02

oh, 8 is a bit young - dd3 is 10 and not ready for that book. Dd2 read it at 12. I guess why should disabled kids want to read books about disability? It would be like nt kids reading about getting up in the morning, going to school and doing homework. Hmm

Original poster
2shoes · 18/04/2012 23:09

one of the hardest things i find is when someone who might work with people /kids with sn or have a relative with sn, think it suddenly gives them insight into what it is like ot be a parent of someone who is disabled....
I have never thought that someone who spends a few hours a day or week, or see;s a relative once in a while will know what it is like to actually be the parent. it is totally different

OP posts:
Original poster
2shoes · 18/04/2012 23:11

have to say Kal, dd has never shown any interest in books about disability, imo books (or audio books in our case) are escapism, just like for an nt child/adult.

OP posts:
CardyMow · 18/04/2012 23:22

I myself have epilepsy. I have had my purse stolen whilst I have been mid-seiure in the town centre. I have been verbally abused in all manner of places, called a spaz, a retard, posessed. I have been PISSED ON in the street while having a seizure. (By a passing drunk, but still!)

I have been shouted at for spilling a drink in a cafe and told that I would be better off dead. I have been sacked for weeing on a customers shoes while having a seizure (and therefore NOT in control of my bladder).

And none of that comes ANYWHERE CLOSE to the harassment, verbal abuse, bullying and everyday nastiness that my two dc that have Autism have to put up with from members of the general public, from their classmates at school, from their classmates parents, the ostracisation they have had to endure, being left out of whole class parties, having no-one turn up to my DD's 5th birthday party, when 25 people had sent RSVP's saying that they were coming, having my DD sit alone in a corner of the playground hiding from the bullies for her entire time at primary school, no matter which of the four of her primary schools it was.

I love my DD and DS2 just as much as I love my DS1 and DS3. The fact that they happen to have SN's doesn't change the fact that they are still children, and mostly lovely ones at that. I just wish everyone else would see that. I HATE the fact that my DC have to put up with things like this every day. That is all.

CardyMow · 18/04/2012 23:30

So many of these stories ring true. I could add my own, very similar examples, but it wouldn't change the fact that the same incidents happen to parents of SN children up and down the country EVERY DAY. Sad

ouryve · 18/04/2012 23:37

Just to clarify for the confused.

Piss taking, I usually ignore, with nose in the air, or else I'll probably biff the ignorant parents who are standing ignoring it, themselves.

Questions such as "why has he got baby reins" I answer frankly. "He doesn't understand why he shouldn't run into the road and i want to keep him safe". The answers are as much for the benefit of accompanying parents as the curious kids. (And sometimes, I've already seen the curious kids running into the road, themselves!)

CardyMow · 18/04/2012 23:45

And the amount of times I have been told the 'jokes' "Well, if we put the washing in the bath with you, it'll soon be clean", or "I bet you're a good break-dancer", I may be forced to kill someone. I have even lost long-time friends who thought that telling me those jokes would be amusing. (Why? Why would someone newly diagnosed with epilepsy and coping with the loss of their career and home be in any way amused by comments like that??)

Thumbwitch · 18/04/2012 23:48

Probably trying to "jolly you along", Hunty - you know, so you don't bring them down by being miserable about your life - I can understand entirely why you got rid of them.

dottyspotty2 · 18/04/2012 23:52

My best friend at highschool had epilepsy he had the piss taken out of him by some of the arseholes we moved away at 15 found out about 10 years ago that he had died was trying to find him.

CardyMow · 18/04/2012 23:53

I was told by the SenCo (who doesn't believe in Autism, by the way, she's about 95 and still won't flipping retire) at my DC's primary school AFTER my DD left, after 6 years of her doing precisely NOTHING to help my DD (who left Y6 working at reception level), that though she believed that everything wrong with my DD was because I was a crap parent, she has been proved wrong because she has now taught my DS1, and if he is so academically amazing, then I must have been telling the truth about my DD's Learning difficulties, deafness and 'other issues' (which I took to mean her Autism).

Doesn't bloody help my DD get the 6 years of education back that she lost because that bloody witch refused to help her by saying that it was all my fault...

It took every ounce of my self-control not to let rip with a barrage of verbal insults, and a swift puch to the nose, instead I calmly replied "Well, thank you for your apology, though it would have been nice to have it 6 years ago", and turned and walked out of the classroom.

And this was the person who was tasked with HELPING the DC with SN's...says a lot for the rest of the general public!

tazzle · 18/04/2012 23:58

I remember feeling puzzled when we had a party for my DD2 (then about 7 or 8 I think) and the mum of a little boy who was profoundly deaf came to me and thanked me profusely for inviting him ...... apparently it was the first party he had ever been invited to Shock. .... he was soooo excited !
It had not actually crossed my mind at that time that he would NOT be invited to classmates parties. ( no matter how much evidence to the contrary, for my sanity I have to try and believe the best of people I know ..... and that all the crud is "out there" somewhere)

My only consideration was would I need to adapt anything re the possibility he might be at a disadvantage playing things like musical bumps if he could not hear the music. FAr from it ........ clever little lad positioned himself where he could see my fingers on the buttons of the stereo and was sat down first every single time ROFLMAO .... that put me firmly in my place !!!

I actually can hardly take it in Huntycat that 25 parents would actually LIE about thier DC coming to your DD party ... ie people you actually know .... and no one turn up. ((((0)))

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