New partner interrogating me during sex

[BePearlKoala]

Hi ladies
I desperately need some help
My new partner keeps talking to me lots and asking questions during sex
For example 'How does that feel' and ill say 'good' and he will say 'How good?' im not really sure how to respond to that ?? I thought it was a rhetorical question so have tried ignoring it but he will say 'hmm?' or repeat himself. Whats the correct way of responding? Or he will ask me stuff like 'you want me to cum inside you' and I honestly feel a bit awkward about it.

Also sometimes he whispers stuff and i cant even hear what he's asking, so i have to say 'huh?' and it ruins the vibe.

AIBU? is it normal he keeps interrogating me

I think he wants you to engage in a bit of dirty talk with him. Which can be fun and tbh can be helpful in making sure your needs are met as you can give directions in a fun way. If you don't like it or aren't comfortable with it then I think you need to just tell him that gently, or ask him to tone it down a bit and have a think before you talk to him about how much or what type of questions you're ok with and what you're not ok with so you can give him a clear boundary. Equally I'd be expecting my partner to be "checking in" during sex to make sure I was enjoying it.

Yeah it's dirty talk, that's his thing. A simple conversation can put this to bed. (Scuse the pun) we all get turned on by different things.

Well he wants to know if he’s doing the right thing! Maybe try being more vocal yourself ‘oh yes that feels great’ etc. But if you are not comfortable talking or making noise just tell him that you don’t like to talk. But he’s basically asking for guidance, so if you won’t tell him, show him.

Not sure that ‘interrogating’ is the right word but you gave me a giggle.

Just tell him to stop with the questions!

Although I do wonder if somethings happened previously that he feels he needs masculinity? Or he could just enjoy dirty talk.......have a conversation over dinner outside of sex.

You’re supposed to claw his back, let your eyes roll back in your head to signify the bright of pleasure and whisper ‘I need you to fill my love tunnel with your magical juice, Nigel!’

Have you ever tried saying "Not great/ left a bit/ no not that far left.." etc?

Is he expecting a round of applause? Does he take criticism/ direction well?

It all sounds very like a command performance.
"How good?" isn't a way to check if you're enjoying it as much as he is. It's a way for him to boost his ego.

This would put me off permanently, tbf.

Oh God this would drive me nuts. I'd tell him what would feel great would be if he shut up and used his mouth for something useful.

It’s pretty standard bedroom talk, he’s not expecting a five point performance plan just for your to moan enthusiastically; groan and you say it’s good, so good, the best. Etc etc.

if you’re not into it then tell him, preferably when he’s not mid thrust. Over drinks might be better.

Have you considered presenting him with a questionnaire?

“Do you like it up the bum all the time, some of the time, neither like nor dislike, rarely, or never.” On a nice clipboard. Then a graph with the results.

I think that's a bit unfair. Everyone has their "thing" in sex. I was always very quiet until I met my partner (very much like the ops) A conversation took place....he wanted confirmation, I was embarrassed..... now we know each other sexually we're both in tune and it works wonderfully!!

That’s also an option! Like Harry in Harry Met Sally dreaming about his sexual performance being rated by a bunch of Olympic judges, including his mother as the East German judge. You could say ‘About 4 out of ten but last time it was 3.8, so you’re improving!’

But supposing you just wanted him to be quiet?

Are you not supposed to tell them when they’re doing it wrong?

Yes, he wants praise. 'How good' is looking for you to gasp 'Unbelievable, the best ever'..

Eugh i had this once. He wouldn't stop wittering on and most of the time I couldn't hear either and too many questions!!

Ick.

I can't deal with talking during unless it's "ow, you're on my hair" or "get off".

Tell him, when you're not doing it, "I am enjoying myself and talking takes my mind off how good it is".

It sounds like he has been influenced by pornography where women are depicted as vocally very enthusiastic, despite some of the ghastly things being done to them.

OMG, you’ve got a talker

at least he’s new, so binning him off and getting an upgrade should be no issue

' Oh FFS Nigel, its a orgasm i'm after, not a interrogation by the gestapo'

Strange attitude. People have different ways of enjoying sex. Some people like silence. Other people would find silence freaking weird. Some people like constant talk and sexy comments. Others find it off putting.

but your attitude of ‘this is bad, he’s a freak’ is just so limited. Can’t you accept everyone is different and as long as it’s not beastiality or some other inappropriate kink, the. It’s not good or bad. Just for you or not for you.

communication is the key.

if he shut up and used his mouth for something useful.

Christ, if a man said this some women would be up in arms….disgusting comment

If your not a sex talker op, you could always tell him that silence turns you on.

It’s hardly an interrogation!

So annoying and such a turn off....I'd probably snap at him when he did it if it was me!
You'd be better off bringing it up calmly and explaining it puts you off, it all sounds very performative and tiresome.