New partner interrogating me during sex

[BePearlKoala]

Hi ladies
I desperately need some help
My new partner keeps talking to me lots and asking questions during sex
For example 'How does that feel' and ill say 'good' and he will say 'How good?' im not really sure how to respond to that ?? I thought it was a rhetorical question so have tried ignoring it but he will say 'hmm?' or repeat himself. Whats the correct way of responding? Or he will ask me stuff like 'you want me to cum inside you' and I honestly feel a bit awkward about it.

Also sometimes he whispers stuff and i cant even hear what he's asking, so i have to say 'huh?' and it ruins the vibe.

AIBU? is it normal he keeps interrogating me

What you need is to talk to him when you are both fully clothed.
Tell him you're really not enjoying the talking, it's taking you out of the moment and it's not sexy to you to have to rate his performance.

You have to be able to talk about sex if you're having it! So tell him this is not doing it for you.

I dunno, I think with the right partner the mood doesn’t get killed very easily. Sex should be fun which means not always super serious. There have definitely been times where I haven’t heard what my DP has said and we have laughed about that or about what we misheard it as. It’s never stopped us dead in our tracks. These moments increase the intimacy if you aren’t in your own head about it.

I thought you were going to say he’s asking you some loaded questions during the deed. Not dirty talk related to what you’re doing. Just tell him you prefer to be silent if it’s bothering you.

"We're not making a porn movie , we don't need all this dialogue"

How misogynistic. People like different things. I couldn’t cope with someone wanting reassurance throughout sex.

You need to arm yourself with some Alan Partridge quotes such as:

Oh butter my arse!
Back of the net!
Smell my cheese you mother!
That was classic intercourse.

Textbook!

Haha I misunderstood your post!

I just don’t understand why so many people can’t just say ‘not for me’. Instead they have to denigrate the action as something sick or perverse maybe to justify their position.

there is no rule right? Some like stuff. Some don’t. There is no right or wrong unless it’s something illegal!

I wouldn't like 20 questions but at the same time are you completely silent or does he get any feedback at all?

I once had a sex with a man who was completely silent even when he came and honestly it was like sleeping with a silent robot. Complete turnoff.

If it's a case of him pushing for dirty talk rather than there's zero indication you, when he asked next you can just say "mediocre or I've had better". That'll get rid of him if you want.

My ex could only reach climax if I kept up a torrent of talking absolute filth the whole time. This went on for years and I ran out of things to say, and by that point, I'd really had enough of doing it. Escape now while you still can OP!

Oh he knows when to be quiet... ..that's my point. We discussed it. I've come out of my shell (and it actually enhances things) but equally when I just want love making, he knows not to say anything, we go by my body language...... he can do whatever he wants at the end 🤣

Here we go again. Anything sexual besides the most basic things are described as ‘ghastly’ and ‘gross’ and cannot possibly be enjoyed by women according to Mumsnet and any couple indulging in ‘outside the ordinary’ sex have been influenced by watching too much porn or rooted in misogyny.

My ex could only get off hearing me talking about me with other men...I loathed it but he couldnt come otherwise so I went along with it. For 21 years!!! never ever again. Grim.

I do like dirty talk but not that.

Same! And I actually don’t think I can ever do it again. It killed our sec life in the end.

"Erm, I'm going to have to give you a 6.5 out of 10 this time. Not your best work but definitely above average. Here, have a bronze medal."

This.

I’d like it.

Wish my husband was more vocal.

My partner and I both “talk to each other during sex, l love it and wouldn’t feel right in silence. Dirty talk can really encourage your partner so he wouldn’t have to ask you. If you said something like “look how wet you are making me” I guarantee he will be so turned on no further questions would be asked. .. and even if there were I think communications a good thing . It’s good he cares. I don’t think he’s a perv .. he’s not trying to make you reenact a porn scene. The best men are the ones who care in bed and don’t treat women like a blow up doll.

👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

I think he's either asking for direction or this is his way of trying to engage you into spicy chat?

My comment included a link to a smutty blog so it has been blocked. But my advice is - for anyone who WANTS to get more comfortable with talking during sex, the blogger Girl on the net has a really good guide, that I am sure a Google would find. It’s definitely not safe for work, but it is a genuinely helpful beginner guide to becoming comfortable talking (assuming you want to).

She's not a performing pony!

Solid advice.

If you don't feel you can say how you really feel, @BePearlKoala, then this isn't a great relationship.