New partner interrogating me during sex

[BePearlKoala]

Hi ladies
I desperately need some help
My new partner keeps talking to me lots and asking questions during sex
For example 'How does that feel' and ill say 'good' and he will say 'How good?' im not really sure how to respond to that ?? I thought it was a rhetorical question so have tried ignoring it but he will say 'hmm?' or repeat himself. Whats the correct way of responding? Or he will ask me stuff like 'you want me to cum inside you' and I honestly feel a bit awkward about it.

Also sometimes he whispers stuff and i cant even hear what he's asking, so i have to say 'huh?' and it ruins the vibe.

AIBU? is it normal he keeps interrogating me

Yeah he's giving you cues there girl, just elaborate a bit more 🤭 x

"that's nice, yes well done"..

Sounds like he's just more of a talker than you during sex. I'm like you op.

It depends how strongly you both feel about it really but definitely have a conversation about it while you're not in the moment.

He’s just not reading the room. There are times when that sort of sex is absolutely right time, right place. There’s other times when the communication is not via words, just mms and aahs and the occasional oooh. And sometimes total silence (especially when camping 😉)
Someone who cannot recognise that is quite selfish and boring and needs more support than I could be arsed to give in the longer term.

My favourite form of communication would be ‘blimey that was great, cheese on toast?’ Mind you, I am old and have been sexing for nigh on 50 years.
If it doesn’t change after a convo then move on.

silent shaggers give me the ick. they're usually the wham, bam, ty mam types

i'd rather a chatter who wants a laugh.

Mind you, the ones who take it too seriously are also grim xD

If you're not into it, you're not gonna be compatible and that's fine. It's not interrogation, it's just a pretty common kink for talking dirty and if you were into it, it's not hard to respond beyond "it's good". "How good?". "So good, right there, I want your blah blah inside me" and so forth. Honestly though just let him go because you can't go with it just to do him a favour, you can't be feeling all uncomfortable during sex trying to please him at your own expense, and if you can't talk to him about it outside of sex then the comms are inadequate all round and it's not got any future. It's a bit shit for people to scorn him for 'wanting praise' though - wouldn't we all want praise from our sexual partners? For them to think we're hot, beautiful, good in bed or whatever? Or is that so scornful and we have to put him in his place for being turned on and tell him he's pathetic?

Just say ‘meh’ until the sex talk stops.

Start giving him marks out of ten. Drop a point for every time he asks.

Ask him what his ‘trigger reply’ is. There will likely be a particular phrase that he wants to hear… ask him what it is. X

Why dont you get some of those reward stickers for childrens behavior charts and slap one on his forehead frequently:

"Well done - high 5"

"Good work - KOKO"

alternatively images - three bells when he hits the jackpot.

Seriously you need to chat about this before the next session - just say its not doing it for you - so maybe you might not be sexually compatible ... that might shut him up.

How old is he - whats his relationship history - might be clues?

I’m on his side with this OP! I want to be spoken to! But if it’s not your bag then it isn’t!

This would give me the ick. It sounds like he wants you to act as a porn star. Oh yes baby, that feels so good, you’re so big, please cum inside me, you’re the best I’ve ever had” 🤮

If you’re into it, fine. And if on the off chance he’s actually asking because he cares about your pleasure then a conversation should sort it.

Bit of a personal question so don’t answer it but is he the one doing all the work? 😂 If so I’d wonder if he’s just worried that you’re not that into it. And he’s kind of wanting to check that you are? Is he feeling like he’s guessing?

If talking isn’t your thing I’d chat to him at another time and discuss ways you could both show what is and isn’t working in the moment maybe…

As an aside, very refreshing to read a thread that involves a bloke who seems at least interested in how his partner is finding/enjoying the experience!

Im female. I love some dirty talk and when ive had a man say nowt it really freaked me out. I dont think hes asking for much. Just a 'omg that feels amazing!', keep going, oh just like that'. That sort of shit. Silent sex is just the pits for me.

@BePearlKoala ive had this, i just said sorry i can't relax and enjoy of you keep asking me questions, it stopped

Just tell him to shut up!

My husband is into talking and mostly I don't mind because it's just an ego boost thing (and, not to brag, he is very good and deserves it) but honestly sometimes it feels like he's reading a novel and I have to tell him to shut up. Never be afraid to tell someone to be quiet so you can enjoy the moment.

Sounds the opposite to me. There are so many agony aunt style questions (I’ve read a few recently in the Guardian), where women have written in saying their partner doesn’t satisfy them. The response is usually to be more communicative and ask the woman what she wants and see what she likes.

OP, if you don’t like the communication in bed, talk it over with him out of the bedroom, say what you like and don’t like and hopefully you both will enjoy it more.

But from context maybe OP isn’t reading the room. Maybe he feels she’s being a bit bland and disconnected and is trying to get more understanding about what she’s enjoying and how he could improve. Maybe he thinks she looks like she is silently praying for it to be over 😂 Remember this is a NEW partner, not someone OP has been with for decades.

Can’t lie, I’m sort of with him on this one - my partner is dead quiet and sometimes I just feel lost because from my POV it can feel very disconnected and mechanical. I’m not a blow up doll, at least moan. That’s why I talk/check in throughout.

We’ve talked about it and his reasons are that 1) he’s partly deaf and super loud, he’s worried his voice will carry and be heard by someone else (fair, I don’t want that either) and 2) ADHD, if he doesn’t focus he can’t stay on it and will just start wondering about how wells worked in the 16th century or something.

I think the “how good” is a bit much but he’s obviously into it.

It sounds like he is just trying to increase the communication level. I think that is a good thing.

I can recommend NOT saying ‘I need to put my hearing aids back in because I can’t hear anything you’re saying’. It killed the mood completely!

Lol at the obvious fellas on here... not liking what they hear. 😂

Reply asking if it’s in yet?

I think he just wants you to talk dirty to him. Or show more enthusiasm. But probably best to talk to him about it and ask him? If you’re not happy with how he wants to do things could you think of an alternative that might meet his needs without making you feel uncomfortable.
In my experience though it could be a mismatch sexual desire thing. My H likes me to talk dirty and I hate it. It’s only gotten worse over the years as he wants more and more and it gets worse.