New partner interrogating me during sex

[BePearlKoala]

Hi ladies
I desperately need some help
My new partner keeps talking to me lots and asking questions during sex
For example 'How does that feel' and ill say 'good' and he will say 'How good?' im not really sure how to respond to that ?? I thought it was a rhetorical question so have tried ignoring it but he will say 'hmm?' or repeat himself. Whats the correct way of responding? Or he will ask me stuff like 'you want me to cum inside you' and I honestly feel a bit awkward about it.

Also sometimes he whispers stuff and i cant even hear what he's asking, so i have to say 'huh?' and it ruins the vibe.

AIBU? is it normal he keeps interrogating me

Sorry but this made me laugh.. Love tunnel 😂

Surely her physical response is a bit of a clue?

Tell him he often speaks to you when you’re in the throes of passion and having to respond to a question you didnt quite catch ruins it for you.

Definitely wants a bit of dirty talk back from you and it depends if you feel comfortable going along with it or not. It's best to communicate it with him beforehand you don't want to feel awkward during sex. I'm surprised he hasn't picked up on your reaction tbh maybe he's too into It at the time.

It sounds like he wants to know if you’re enjoying yourself! That’s not a bad thing, is it? Do you lie there silently during sex?

the stuff you don't catch i would say 'honey, if you want an answer you're gonna have to speak up' with a chuckle while running my hands through his hair and puling him down to my ear while i bite/lick/kiss on his ear/cheek/throat.

relax, be inventive.. it's meant to be fun, you should be laughing/smiling and enjoying it.

I think that you're trying to find a way to make yourself okay with doing something that you're not actually okay with doing.

Have a conversation with him outside of the bedroom about it. Tell him that it's not what you're into and you get distracted in the moment because you never know what to say, because you're just not into dirty talk. Then take careful note of his response. If it doesn't include accommodating your wishes and making you feel not only comfortable but sexy, desired and turned on, that tells you everything you need to know about how he feels about having sex with you.

This thread is so interesting.

One group saying this guy is simply into talk during sex and thats OK and giving suggestions to OP what she can say in return (if she WANTS too)

The other group who seems to think if any man opens his mouth to even ask if what he's doing is working - that he must be a pervert or sex pest??!!

Honestly @BePearlKoala it's simple - if you dont like it - or you're just feeling awkward just have a conversation with the guy about it - outside the bedroom! Just because he's started this thing - doesn't mean you have to fall in line with him and do the same. If you feel like you might be OK with talking during sex thats fine - it can take practice and you might feel awkward at first but if you have a conversation with this guy about it you can work it out between you.

On the other hand - if you feel so awkward - or know its not your thing - you need to tell him to shut up during sex.

I'm getting the impression from the OP that they haven't had that conversation, and since she posted here to see if others thought it was a bit off, I'd say she feels strongly and negatively enough about it to make the conversation necessary - but for some reason it hasn't happened.

If she needs something different from sex, perhaps silence and not a running commentary on his 'performance' then telling him that would be the obvious way to proceed. She could ponder about what's holding her back - is he too invested in the feedback style of sex he's engaging in? Does she have a fear of putting him off and is she willing to put up with something she's not happy with in order to have other benefits of the relationship (good company, fun, etc)?

I think it really is a performance for him and she's a prop, and she may have a feeling that for her and even for him, it's not really an intimate experience.

What about "well so far, so good..."

Or if he wants something more specific say you'll have to refer to your spreadsheet later.

Just tell him that you're into dirty Talk during sex.

Maybe gag and handcuff him.

@AmyDudleyHahahaha the facts 🤣

😂

Have a conversation with him at another time about it.

'How does that feel' and I'll say 'good' and he will say 'How good?'

Start grading him on a scale of 1-10.

Make it sound sexy.

I don’t think it’s about him asking if it’s working, it sounds more like he wants an actual report ‘How good?’ is like requesting performance critique! I think I’d find this somewhat offputting. I think it would be useful to just tell him, outside of the bedroom or wherever, that him asking puts you off your stroke, as it were.

I would answer in increasingly surreal ways until he stopped asking silly questions.

He likes a bit of dirty talk, it obviously gets his motor running! If you don't like it, then tell him, you find it a bit off-putting and you're not sure how to respond! A 'check-in' is different, that's making sure you're OK. It's fine if dirty talk isn't your thing, but you do need to tell him, because if you don't, he won't know!

When he asks “how good?” give him a number. A low yet specific one. This will be both informative and motivational. I suggest starting with 4.1

Because he’s trying to get more communication out of you. He’s wanting a bit of the old “yes, and” improv 😂 You shutting him down with a two word sentence is ending it dead, then he’s fumbling to try and get a bit more flavour. It’s not an interrogation at all.

“How good does it feel”
”amazing, I would like it if you XYZ”
”does this feel good”
”It feels SO good, I love it when you ABC in my EFG”

Its really not that hard and for a lot of people is a lot more stimulating and intimate.

I'm sorry but

Also sometimes he whispers stuff and i cant even hear what he's asking, so i have to say 'huh?' and it ruins the vibe.

is very funny 😄😄😄

Never mind the sex bit, anyone who says 'hmm?' to extract some kind of response gives me the rage!

I think yabu because I think that a vocal man is so important

You don't want a silent shagger just humping away behind you, believe me 😔😒

Just talk to him and say you don't know what to say to him and feel awkward

Or look on porn hub, for some inspiration 🙌

(Not something I've ever done, heard it from a... friend)

@BePearlKoala the way I read this suggests you aren’t truly invested in this relationship, consciously or subconsciously.