Sexless Marriages Support thread

[Aishabibi]

I’ve noticed since coming onto this section that there are a lot of us in sexless marriages. I wonder if having a thread to share experiences, survival strategies, sex toy recommendations, FwB set ups for those who’ve agreed to open things up or anyone that has managed to get things going again.

my situation is nothing from DH for over 3 yrs. he says he’s not interested at all, no urges whatsoever. He agreed I could explore a FwB, which I did find. Before that, lots of failed attempts to get him interested (lingerie, porn, and a growing collection of toys

The bit that scares me is I'm only in my late thirties, this could be my life for another 40 years ! For me it's not just the lack of intimacy, it's tip toeing around one another, there's a lot of needless arguments created, she's adamant she wants us to stay married, she says I'm still her best friend etc, but its got to the stage were I seem to have a constant headache with the stress of it all and I can't see how we come back from this. Thinking about it, things all went wrong during the first Covid lockdown, we probably spent too much time together.

So even the golf tournaments are taking the piss now !!! I won't be coming first 😪

Hows everyone doing? Another hot week last week. Another week of feeling horny all the time, cold showers and sleepless nights. Thankfully cooler the last 2 days so easier to sleep. I tried a cuddle and kiss this week. Got denied :( Maybe next week...

If you do it right they will. Happy parents who still get on really well is better than miserable ones.

@ThatAquaSnail It was hot and steamy last week, shame nothing else materialised to make it more so for either of us. I did sweat a lot at the gym though.

I’ve not been on here in a while as things picked up with DH when I had a big cry to him towards the beginning of the year. We went up to twice or three times a month, but now it’s been once in the past month and I was turned down last night.

I’m so tired of it.

I am so generous in bed and open to new experiences, and I so sad that I can’t share this big part of myself with him. He has never really been down on me and I miss it so much. I often feel like he does the basics of foreplay to get to penetration. I miss having a man worship my body, I miss watching someone get turned on by turning me on, not just by what I do for them. When we met I was so happy to be with someone who really wanted a proper relationship and not to just use me as a fuck piece, so I overlooked some sexual mismatch (though I’ve always orgasmed very easily with him, which was near impossible with everyone before him) for the life I wanted. He’s given me everything I ever wanted for my life; two beautiful children, a beautiful home, a true marriage of equals full of love and respect. We other talk about how together we feel greater than the sum of our individual parts. But it’s all come at the cost of my sexuality, which is often something I’ve felt the need to hide the magnitude of. It’s like there is this huge part of my personality I’ve never had the courage to show him, lest I disgust him.

I should really sort out some marriage counselling, thankfully he has said he is open to going. I think he probably has a lot of childhood stuff to work on, but ultimately I am slowly coming to terms with the loss of the sex life I want for myself.

So it appears I'm not alone!

So it's been neigh on 19 months since me and my other half have "done the deed" and I'm at a point now where I've been turned down so many times I've stopped trying to initiate anything, I've tried speaking to her and she said she would try to make an effort...... this extended to a couple of half hearted HJ's over the couse of a couple of weeks which then dried up after that.

An early night these days is now a solo affair, I understand that we have 2 little girls and can be tiring....... But I don't want this to become our sex life.....!!

I have often toyed / fantasised about the idea of finding another like minded individual to help work out each others frustrations be it virtually or physically...... however..... I guess I can take comfort from this thread that I'm not actually alone and I'm not the "odd" one out 😂

I'm so sorry to hear this, and I feel exactly the same about my marriage. I feel like I'm in mourning for my old sex life.

"I've been turned down so many times I've stopped trying to initiate anything"

This is so true. The rejection that ends in giving up is the worst bit.

100% I will always remember the straw that broke the camels back where I felt I had to stop for my own sanity!

It's not a place i want to be in terms of stopping trying, my family mean the world to me, but, as my user name suggests, It's incredibly frustrating!!

I hold on to the notion that this rut will pass, but my worry is how deep will the rut get.

Same here. I am so bored of bringing it up to my husband, I just feel desperate and even more unwanted. I just think, if he really wanted to, he would ... right?

100% how I feel.....

This is so how I feel. I was so grateful during those newborn weeks/months when both our babies were tiny, and when our second never slept etc. I thought he was being patient and giving me time. Now I realise he probably but didn’t think about it.

I've been reading through alot of previous posts and what resonates with me, apart from the fact we are all flesh and blood and have needs, is the fact deep down we are all looking for the same thing, the want yo know we are all still desirable.

I know I certainly have lost that feeling!

Are there any sites or apps, etc that you would recommend for having those flirty chats? I've been on IE before and found it a bit underwhelming.

This is where I'm at and I don't know what else I can do to fix things. We are good as a couple, apart from this, so it seems like I just have to suck it up. We have the same conversations about it, but nothing ever really changes, at what point do you give up and accept it I'm not sure, but the other options of splitting or cheating are not options I'm willing to consider.

How has everyone found this weekend? I'm just thankful it's cooled down a little as the heat always seem to supercharge things for me!!

I always find the weekends to be the worst, I always wake up with the H and the thought of today could be the day...... I try to be tactile and affectionate etc etc but then feel the OH picks up on this then the excuses start to flow..... headache.... tired..... backache..... so I then pull back and can feel myself getting into a mood and just resign myself to an early night one one again!

Same as always...lonely.

I just want to say a big thank you for starting this thread. I know it won't solve the problem but it's so comforting to know I'm not alone.

I did post on here years ago and pretty much all I got was a "I'd be so happy with this" and "I wish my husband was this way!"

So helpful. Not. Like asking advice for the best way to roast a chicken and vegans posting about just don't eat it! Completely pointless.

I've got so much to say but I'm afraid it would turn into war and peace...!

I spotted someone on Mumsnet recommend FabSwingers, so am on there now. Don't know whether it makes me feel better or worse, tbh!

I know what you mean about weekends. They arrive and there is the vague hope that something might be different this time, but the reality will be the same as usual, another reason found to avoid anything approaching intimacy

I'm not sure why I'm posting, moaning into the void about it, I suppose any outlet is better than none!

Same, to vent, to find someone who understands how it feels!!

It just makes you feel like shit doesn't it?

I know if I instigate it more often than not it'll happen but I don't want it that way if that makes sense?

But then I think some is better than none? Thing is as soon as I have some I want more and that's almost worse? Does that make sense?

Sometimes the horniness fucks off and I just think it would be easier to never happen again because then I won't miss it? But I absolutely love sex and not sure I'm ready to end that chapter of my life at mid 30s.

Kind of feel like if a line was drawn underneath ot you could just crack on with life..... it's the hope that kills you!!

My marriage has been on and off sexless for years, finally found out recently what makes him want sex so I let him do that to me. I don’t particularly enjoy it, but it means we have sex more than we used to. But last night it ended in tears (mine). I don’t know what to do, I just want my DH to want to have sex with me because it’s me, not so he can recreate porn.