I am in a sexless marriage. I think I want a FWB. Maybe. But where to start???

[JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff]

Right, I have ALL the issues going on.

Am 45. DH health means he cannot/ will not have sex. It's been years. I am so so horny if I'm honest.

I don't think he's going to change. I kinda want to explore with someone else.

Plus, I think I am into sub stuff, which he never has been.

But don't know where to start!

I am in okay shape - I think - but I've had 3 children and like I say, am 45, so my body isn't perfect like a 25yo. So I feel a bit self-conscious for something like going to a Killing Kittens event.

I also feel rusty. I haven't given oral for ages e.g. or done much of anything.

....I want to find someone with a bit of patience who can kinda take me by the hand and get me started again. Is that a thing? Where would I even start to find someone like that????

I have read this thread with considerable interest, the OPs situation to some extent mirrors my own. Reading through there are things to reflect on, and lots of valid points.
I think most people here regardless of whether they support or otherwise the OPs approach would agree that sex outside the marriage is wrong morally. From experience what i would also say is that it can easily laden you with a lot of guilt which you then have to carry around. Unless you are completely callous.

But what i would say is not to judge those who don't do the "right" thing and leave the relationship. It is not always that simple. Kids, family, finances, the otherwise positive elements of the relationship, peoples individual circumstances and backgrounds all play a part as well as the individuals mental health.

I say well done and congratulations to those who have done the "right" thing, and I hope everything has worked out for you and your families as you hoped.

For those who chose to manage there needs by looking outside the marriage, be careful, respect yourself and your family and enjoy what you get from it. But beware of the incomplete satisfaction, and emotional toll it leaves on you.

And to those struggling with a lack of affection and sex in their relationships right now. Don't suffer alone, don't dismiss what you feel and feel that you are wrong to have those needs and expectations. Reach out to whomever you can. Facing what you feel alone can crush you. Don't let it do that. What you will find is as much as you feel you need a lover you will soon realise you need a friend that doesn't judge and within whom you can confide as much if not more. Without that life will not be better whatever route you choose. Because ultimately you are running away from some level of loneliness.

just go on hinge, put up your nicest photos, be open and honest, and set your age group 20-50. You will get a great choice of 20-something guys wanting to explore sex with you. So take your pick. Try several until you find the right, regular provider of sex and love.

And don't feel guilty about it. Your DH is not interested. So just schedule in this sexual pleasure and connection for your physical and emotional health, twice a week, like a spa visit.

What you will find is as much as you feel you need a lover you will soon realise you need a friend that doesn't judge and within whom you can confide as much if not more. Without that life will not be better whatever route you choose.
don't feel guilty about it. Your DH is not interested. So just schedule in this sexual pleasure and connection for your physical and emotional health, twice a week, like a spa visit.

OP I have lifted the above from two separate people above.
How do you feel about this after thinking and reading a lot of sensible comments.
Could you treat it in a light way? Could you keep the home running and go out once a week like a spa visit?
Have you had sex with any other men since you met your husband? If yes how did you cope after? Guilt or a shrug of the shoulders?