Is this a me problem or him problem (oral sex)

[Choco23]

Been with DH 15 years.

Recently been dissatisfied with sex as not much foreplay (never goes down on me etc) and I mentioned this to him and my need to feel desired to get me in the mood rather then a kiss and straight to sex.

When I brought up the subject he finally admitted he's never willing to go down there as the times he's done it he didn't like the taste even when fresh of the shower (said it tasted sweaty and a bit like urine). I definitely wash down there and partners in the past have gone down no problem.

I'm glad he was honest but feel quite upset as obviously a personal thing to hear. I said all women secrete so it's never going to be completely odourless and he said he'd prefer a flavoured lube or something so there's no taste at all.

I'm not saying that I'm not a strong taste maybe I am but I shower daily and always make sure downstairs is taken care of.

AIBU to think this is unreasonable of him? To expect a shower first and still not be ok with it?
Or AINBU to think this is an unrealistic expectation?

(I don't have BV as checked before anyone suggests)

I’ve had partners who don’t want to give oral. I’ve put up with it as I liked them, even given them oral because they liked it.

No more. No oral for me = no more anything.

Time to move on?

Yabu. No one is obliged to go down on you, not even your dh. Imagine if this was posted in reverse!??!

If he doesn't like doing it then he should just say so rather than making you feel crap about yourself. Not everyone likes it.

I think sexually, the overriding rule has to be that both people want to do whatever you’re going to do - and it sounds like he doesn’t want this.

I don’t think I could allow my DH to do something that I knew he didn’t like. I wouldn’t want him to expect me too; either.

I think the details haven’t helped here - they’ve made it seem very personal - but it’s difficult to know how much you forced that information. It sounds like he’s never bought it up before; so it’s reasonable to believe he doesn’t think it’s a hygiene problem and understands it’s just your natural taste.

Is there another way he can get you in the mood? Surely knowing he was doing it but not enjoying it would be a big mood killer anyway?

If he doesn't like it, he doesn't like it. End of.

Maybe his sense of taste is stronger than previous partners. But regardless, he doesn't like doing it. It makes him uncomfortable so YABU to expect him to do it.

I suppose I did click to open the thread so it's my own fault but yeeeuuch it's dinner time. 🤮There's a sex topic you know.

I don’t like the taste of male or female secretions. Just a preference, nothing personal.

YABU. Like anything else in life, everyone has different tastes (quite literally in this case). If he doesn’t like it then he doesn’t like it, you’ve asked him and he’s given you the reason.

i hate oral for this reason i'm always worried i smell or taste bad. dh never complained and is keen to do it but i can't relax

I think a big post of the issue here is seeing sex as only meaning penis in vagina, when sex is so much more. He might not want to give you oral but he can do lots of other things for you. I would point this out to him, and refuse not only to give him oral but refuse piv until he improves his offering.

He doesn’t have to do it if he doesn’t want to. It must be hurtful for him to give that reason but I presume you didn’t want to hear “I don’t like it” so he had to come up with something.

there’s plenty of other things he could do for you - he needs to get inventive instead of just refusing to try anything

Some people don't like giving oral, men and women. That's alright. He didnt have to hurt your feelings though and it does mean you dont have to give a blow job if you don't want to.

However, he can still put a bit of effort in, it doesn't have to be oral. Although in your shoes it might be a while before he gets anything. Twat.

Don’t open a bloody thread about oral sex then

It might be what you eat. Try eating pineapple.

Sexually you should only do what you feel comfortable doing nothing should be forced

If he doesn't like the taste, he doesn't like the taste, but 15 years seems a long time to find out.

Do you know how you taste? I have kissed men after they've been down on me, so I know what I'm like. I think that things can change a bit through one's cycle and with menopause, but if it was a lot, I'd suspect BV or thrush or something. (Which you say you don't have.) However, if he just doesn't like it, then showering isn't likely to make a difference. You can't force him to do it.

I don't think I could be with someone who didn't want to go down on me, and I'd expect to find out pretty early on, but I have never had a relationship last as long as yours. I don't know if it would be a deal breaker after that long - only you can decide that for you. But even if he won't do oral, he can definitely do more foreplay, and if he's not prepared to put in the effort there at all, I think I would be questioning it all.

why did you click on it then??

Try having a bath instead of a shower, that seems to get it completely fresh. I hope he is willing to try it again as it's clearly a big part of sex for you.

How is he about receiving oral? Hopefully he doesn't have double standards and takes it from you when he's not willing to give it back!

I wouldn't stay with someone who wanted me to do something even after I told them I didn't like it. He's made his feelings clear. Why not try flavoured lube, if he thinks it would help? Failing that, there are other options. He should be allowed to say he doesn't want to do this, but you're also free to tell him that you need more than a kiss.

Does he ever taste a bit like urine when you give him oral? If so, make sure you let him know 😂

🤣🤣🤣 or smeggy 🤮

AIBU to think this is unreasonable of him? To expect a shower first and still not be ok with it?

YABU and grim. Of course he shouldn’t just have to do it anyway if he’s not comfortable. Have a word with yourself.

🤮🤮🤮

Why not try flavored lube, if he thinks it would help?

I'd much rather taste naked human than lube, but it could work for him. Chocolate sauce or cream could also be options.

It's not a you problem or a him problem, he's just not that keen on giving oral sex by the sounds of it. It's not unreasonable for him not to like something.

It you would like it though then try with some strawberry lube and see if that helps.