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Original poster

Is this a me problem or him problem (oral sex)

110 replies

Choco23 · 31/03/2024 19:10

Been with DH 15 years.

Recently been dissatisfied with sex as not much foreplay (never goes down on me etc) and I mentioned this to him and my need to feel desired to get me in the mood rather then a kiss and straight to sex.

When I brought up the subject he finally admitted he's never willing to go down there as the times he's done it he didn't like the taste even when fresh of the shower (said it tasted sweaty and a bit like urine). I definitely wash down there and partners in the past have gone down no problem.

I'm glad he was honest but feel quite upset as obviously a personal thing to hear. I said all women secrete so it's never going to be completely odourless and he said he'd prefer a flavoured lube or something so there's no taste at all.

I'm not saying that I'm not a strong taste maybe I am but I shower daily and always make sure downstairs is taken care of.

AIBU to think this is unreasonable of him? To expect a shower first and still not be ok with it?
Or AINBU to think this is an unrealistic expectation?

(I don't have BV as checked before anyone suggests)

OP posts:
coastalhawk · 31/03/2024 19:30

YANBU !!!

underthemilky · 31/03/2024 19:31

Motherproblem101 · 31/03/2024 19:16

If he doesn't like it, he doesn't like it. End of.

Maybe his sense of taste is stronger than previous partners. But regardless, he doesn't like doing it. It makes him uncomfortable so YABU to expect him to do it.

Sadly this is right. So no foreplay results in no satisfaction for OP which leads to no sex. Sadly.

Sapphire387 · 31/03/2024 19:32

Oral is how I orgasm, so no oral for me = no PIV. Simple as that.

But... how has it taken 15 years to get to this point?!

TeaKitten · 31/03/2024 19:32

underthemilky · 31/03/2024 19:31

Sadly this is right. So no foreplay results in no satisfaction for OP which leads to no sex. Sadly.

Show quote history

Oral isn’t the only foreplay available. They can explore other options

BirdyandBee · 31/03/2024 19:33

he could use a dental dam if he doesn’t like the taste, there are other things that could be done (like lube suggested) if he’s still willing to try.
If he doesn’t want to do oral then he also shouldn’t be made to do it either, but he does need to realise that there needs to be some sort of foreplay to get things going!

underthemilky · 31/03/2024 19:35

@TeaKitten
After 15 years of him not trying anything else I don't think he has it in him. If he knew he didn't like the one thing that she really wants and didn't bust a gut trying to find something alternative then he's hardly coming across as being particularly concerned about her pleasure.

Some of us only orgasm through oral. It would mean no orgasms for me unless I used a toy which kind of makes him redundant.

Kind of the end of the line in my view.

Motnight · 31/03/2024 19:38

BreakfastAtMimis · 31/03/2024 19:17

I suppose I did click to open the thread so it's my own fault but yeeeuuch it's dinner time. 🤮There's a sex topic you know.

Edited

If only there was a clue in the thread title.

iloveshetlandponies · 31/03/2024 19:38

hangingonfordearlife1 · 31/03/2024 19:20

i hate oral for this reason i'm always worried i smell or taste bad. dh never complained and is keen to do it but i can't relax

Same

DH loves doing it but I feel too self conscious even though I know I'm super clean

TeaKitten · 31/03/2024 19:40

underthemilky · 31/03/2024 19:35

@TeaKitten
After 15 years of him not trying anything else I don't think he has it in him. If he knew he didn't like the one thing that she really wants and didn't bust a gut trying to find something alternative then he's hardly coming across as being particularly concerned about her pleasure.

Some of us only orgasm through oral. It would mean no orgasms for me unless I used a toy which kind of makes him redundant.

Kind of the end of the line in my view.

They’re both responsible for not discussing it sooner after 15 years though. OP hasn’t said she only orgasms through oral either. It may well be the end of the line and that’s fair enough but he still shouldn’t have to do oral when he’s not comfortable with it.

iloveshetlandponies · 31/03/2024 19:40

EBearhug · 31/03/2024 19:29

Why not try flavored lube, if he thinks it would help?

I'd much rather taste naked human than lube, but it could work for him. Chocolate sauce or cream could also be options.

Oh my god if I tried putting chocolate or cream on my minni I just know would be Thrush alert 🚨

OhmygodDont · 31/03/2024 19:42

I mean you can’t force him. He clearly doesn’t like it. Imagine a man wanting blow jobs when his wife doesn’t like it.

His said a flavoured lube would be a try and might work. So his willing to give it ago.

Also how soon after showering is he going down. If you taste like urine I’d hazard a guess it’s not shower then sex.

maybeitsmaybellinebutmaybeitsme · 31/03/2024 19:43

Do you go down on him?

MiltonNorthern · 31/03/2024 19:44

Sorry, some people just don't like it. It's clearly not you, it's him, but if he doesn't like it you can't expect him to do it.

NotSayingImBatman · 31/03/2024 19:48

I’d place a cash bet on you not tasting of urine or sweat at all. My guess would be he can’t be bothered with it so he’s said something personal and hurtful in the hope you’ll be too self conscious to bring it up again.

underthemilky · 31/03/2024 19:51

OP as you have recently become dissatisfied, what was he doing before that satisfied you that he isn't doing now?

Health47 · 31/03/2024 19:59

Caluse · 31/03/2024 19:21

I think a big post of the issue here is seeing sex as only meaning penis in vagina, when sex is so much more. He might not want to give you oral but he can do lots of other things for you. I would point this out to him, and refuse not only to give him oral but refuse piv until he improves his offering.

So you would withhold everything until he gave in and did what you want even though he’s said he doesn’t like doing it?

beAsensible1 · 31/03/2024 19:59

Caluse · 31/03/2024 19:21

I think a big post of the issue here is seeing sex as only meaning penis in vagina, when sex is so much more. He might not want to give you oral but he can do lots of other things for you. I would point this out to him, and refuse not only to give him oral but refuse piv until he improves his offering.

This.

he needs to make an effort with foreplay.

HesterPrincess · 31/03/2024 20:01

If he's not making an effort, there's a reason why. Fair enough if he doesn't like oral (I don't enjoy doing it at all due to DH's lack of hygiene), but there surely has to be a compromise.

And I wouldn't be doing it to him if he won't return the favour...

YoureALizardHarry11 · 31/03/2024 20:02

NotSayingImBatman · 31/03/2024 19:48

I’d place a cash bet on you not tasting of urine or sweat at all. My guess would be he can’t be bothered with it so he’s said something personal and hurtful in the hope you’ll be too self conscious to bring it up again.

This could well be it as well OP, there are a few blokes out there who are quite happy to receive and not give back. If it’s something you really enjoy and can’t imagine forgoing for the rest of your life then I’d say it’s time to leave if you can’t come to a compromise. As I said, any hint of an unpleasant taste when you next go down on him, make a mental note and tell him!

Ohffsbarbara · 31/03/2024 20:04

I couldn’t be with someone who didn’t do oral, especially if they wanted it themselves.

What I will say is that in past relationships when I started to dislike someone’s smell it was usually because I had the Ick and had just gone off them generally.
Are things otherwise good? Does he instigate sex?

Unwantedadvice · 31/03/2024 20:04

No one should ever do anything sexual that they don't really want to do. However are you absolutely sure you're washing properly? Maybe try going for a wax?

BethDawn · 31/03/2024 20:05

Two issues. He is NBU to not want to give oral. Some men and women just don’t like doing this.

However he is BVU to be a shit shag who does fuck all to get you in the mood or pleasure you but just dives straight into sticking his cock in.

YANBU to expect more satisfaction from him sexually, and to be more than just a hole for his cock.

zurg123 · 31/03/2024 20:06

I don't mind giving oral but don't like receiving it and never have. Dh and I are very open though and I would only give it on a freshly cleaned (or recently cleaned) body. That's just me.

Pigeonqueen · 31/03/2024 20:06

If he doesn’t like it, he doesn’t like it. That’s that. Imagine if a man was posting this saying he likes anal and his wife doesn’t want to do it? Same thing. You have to respect his choices.

BethDawn · 31/03/2024 20:06

Unwantedadvice · 31/03/2024 20:04

No one should ever do anything sexual that they don't really want to do. However are you absolutely sure you're washing properly? Maybe try going for a wax?

Oh for goodness sake! What a ridiculous suggestion! OP, you do not need to wax!

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