Is this a me problem or him problem (oral sex)

[Choco23]

Been with DH 15 years.

Recently been dissatisfied with sex as not much foreplay (never goes down on me etc) and I mentioned this to him and my need to feel desired to get me in the mood rather then a kiss and straight to sex.

When I brought up the subject he finally admitted he's never willing to go down there as the times he's done it he didn't like the taste even when fresh of the shower (said it tasted sweaty and a bit like urine). I definitely wash down there and partners in the past have gone down no problem.

I'm glad he was honest but feel quite upset as obviously a personal thing to hear. I said all women secrete so it's never going to be completely odourless and he said he'd prefer a flavoured lube or something so there's no taste at all.

I'm not saying that I'm not a strong taste maybe I am but I shower daily and always make sure downstairs is taken care of.

AIBU to think this is unreasonable of him? To expect a shower first and still not be ok with it?
Or AINBU to think this is an unrealistic expectation?

(I don't have BV as checked before anyone suggests)

Saying something is stupid is not helpful to the OP or others with selfish partners.

Your comment was ridiculous.

Assuring OP that there’s nothing unpleasant about it, when OPs husband has said that for him there is, isn’t at all helpful.

He doesn’t like it and that’s ok. The fact that you do doesn’t matter. People have different preferences.

If he’s selfish in bed in terms of not doing things that he doesn’t dislike, but is just being lazy, that’s different. If this is a dealbreaker for OP, that’s ok, but to say you can assure OP theres nothing unpleasant about it is a load of rubbish, because not everyone feels that way. You can’t assure her of shit, other than what you like.

🙄

If you can't orgasm from penetration alone and he thinks that sex alone is fine with no foreplay then no you are not being unreasonable!! We all need that foreplay and most women can't orgasm though sex alone so he is being selfish if that's the case. I have to agree with other posters I couldn't be with someone who refused or didn't want to pleasure me! There is nothing attractive about that and believe me there are plenty of men out there who enjoy it.

This!

But l’m ridiculous and stupid, so what would l know?

I really feel for you, OP. I appreciate that nobody should be expected to do anything they don't want to but for me this would be a dealbreaker. I absolutely love going down on my DP and it really gets her going. She loves it as much as I do so I would hate to deny her something she gets so much pleasure from.

@FannyFanDanny Clearly, I can tell by your name! Good to get a male perspective. Is there any reason why you might not be so keen? Or tips to make it more appealing? Have you liked it with every partner or just some?

Being 'freshly showered' shouldn't have any bearing on whether a man goes down on you. I shower once a day and the men I've had been intimate with have had no qualms about giving me oral.

Maybe other women have a stronger odour or sweat more than you do. I wouldn't want to lick a a stale pussy and I'm a gay woman who appreciates the beautiful natural scent of another woman. It's common courtesy to be clean!

I wouldn’t want to be gone down on worrying that it’s not fresh. I’d have to be really really in the mood and moment to decide fuck it I don’t care. Much like I wouldn’t want to suck a dick that’s not washed after a piss basically.

I honestly don't understand why anyone wouldn't love it. It's so intimate and the pleasure it gives the recipient is immense, often overwhelming.

Personally, I much prefer the natural taste of my partner rather than the 'just washed' taste. And, yes, I've loved it with every partner. I could very happily spend all day down there if needed!