Is this a me problem or him problem (oral sex)

[Choco23]

Been with DH 15 years.

Recently been dissatisfied with sex as not much foreplay (never goes down on me etc) and I mentioned this to him and my need to feel desired to get me in the mood rather then a kiss and straight to sex.

When I brought up the subject he finally admitted he's never willing to go down there as the times he's done it he didn't like the taste even when fresh of the shower (said it tasted sweaty and a bit like urine). I definitely wash down there and partners in the past have gone down no problem.

I'm glad he was honest but feel quite upset as obviously a personal thing to hear. I said all women secrete so it's never going to be completely odourless and he said he'd prefer a flavoured lube or something so there's no taste at all.

I'm not saying that I'm not a strong taste maybe I am but I shower daily and always make sure downstairs is taken care of.

AIBU to think this is unreasonable of him? To expect a shower first and still not be ok with it?
Or AINBU to think this is an unrealistic expectation?

(I don't have BV as checked before anyone suggests)

If he doesn’t like it that’s absolutely fair enough and he doesn’t have to do it, I certainly wouldn’t be doing it for him either though.

there are plenty of other ways you can both please each other. I would match his effort.

@BreakfastAtMimis

you're right.

you did open the clearly titled thread.

Eh? That's not what that PP said at all.

I don't think this is about oral at all. It's about the op's partner taking pleasure from sex but giving nothing back. It doesn't have to be oral but there does need to be a bit of sensuality and romance for there to be mutual comfort and mutual pleasure.

Nobody should have to perform oral sex for whatever reason they deem fit.

He shouldn't be made to do it if he doesn't enjoy it but sometimes sex is about give and take and part of the enjoyment is giving pleasure to your partner. Oral can be a big thing for women, as most of us need clitoral stimulation. However, someone repulsed by doing it is not going to be skilled enough to give you mindblowing orgasms and you surely wouldn't enjoy it knowing he was so uncomfortable. So I suppose it depends on how important it is to you, if you don't think you can live without it. All female genitals have a scent but it shouldn't be bad or smelling like urine. Time of the month can alter your odour down there and make it less than fresh, but I'd try to work out if you do actually have a hygiene problem down there or if he's just put off by a woman's natural scent.

Do you think he’s lazy? If not, if he wants to pleasure you, then he’ll work on other ways.

I thought we all knew pineapple before oral is a good thing? Worth a try?

“and refuse not only to give him oral but refuse piv until he improves his offering.”

So what are they saying?

Her husband could do many other things than just oral as satisfying foreplay!

Pleasuring her in other ways, using fingers or toys together? That’s how I read it.

But OP hasn’t said that he doesn’t do all the other things plus he suggested using flavoured lube so it’s not like he’s taking it off the table, he suggested an alternative to try make it more enjoyable for him

But OP said that her partner suggested using a flavoured lube so it’s not like he isn’t willing to try make it more enjoyable

Some men love it. Some don’t. If it was the other way round and a man was telling his wife she was being unreasonable for not performing oral on him then everyone would be telling her to get rid.

However, sex should be enjoyable for both of you. There is far more to foreplay than oral and this should be explored. I wouldn’t even want my partner to perform oral on me if I knew he wasn’t enjoying it. What about his hands? And toys?

TBH I wouldn’t want to give it to another woman. I’m not gay but it’s not appealing. It’s not that important to me to receive it or give it to DH and vice versa. That’s fine. He shouldn’t be forced and neither should you.

She said not much foreplay and a kiss and then straight to sex so she is saying he’s not doing those other things at the minute. Sounds like there is a recent change here though.

I agree, no one needs to wax. However, no one should expect oral if their partner doesn't like a stale, hairy growler. It was just a suggestion for OP

This probably should have come up 15 years ago. What has changed now?

Giving a man oral does absolutely nothing for me, and it's kind of gross when you think about it, but the reason I did it because they liked it, not because I liked doing it.

@Unwantedadvice having pubic hair does not equal a stale growler! FFS!

However, no one should expect oral if their partner doesn't like a stale, hairy growler

Ugh wtf?!🤮

He's not being unreasonable to not want to give oral, and yanbu to expect more than just kissing before piv sex.
YA also NBU to not give him oral sex seeing as he doesn't reciprocate (unless you enjoy doing it & get off on it yourself).

YABU to expect him to do something he doesn't want, same as he WBU to expect the same from you if you didn't want to.

YANBU to expect to enjoy sex, and that's the bit you need to work out.

Maybe as he doesn't want to use his tongue, he could use toys, fingers, etc, to help you get more enjoyment from sex.

Sex is about give and take. It sound like he doesnt give just takes. No foreplay straight to sex? It's completely normal to sometimes do sex acts your not massively keen on because your partner likes it. Sex is about giving your partner pleasure as well as recieving.

This isnt about oral really. It's reasonable for him to want you to shower but it's not reasonable that he hasn't talked to you about it before and just decided not to bother and that should just be fine for you.

Do you give him oral?
If he really hates it he shouldn't have to do it but he should be pleasuring you in other ways to make up for it. You shouldn't be going without. In all honestly he sounds bad at sex. Life is too short for bad sex.

I really don't like giving a head job. Never have. But I'm not going to be rude about and I wouldn't expect a partner to give me oral if they didn't like it.

YABU.

But I don't understand how folk know what urine tastes like / or that that's what they are tasting... ?

I’m going with tastes like what you’d image it would from smelling it.

Or he once lost a bet and chugged a pint of piss when he was a young laddy boy 😬

🤮🤮🤮🤮