Do you think that having the sex topic in ‘active’ has changed the tone of the responses here?

[ForestLilac]

Why does it come up in active anyway?

Or is it just a glitch for me?

I don't use the sex chat thread to request DMs but it's fair to say it doesn't feel very safe for anyone, male or female to post anywhere on the sex topic board with all the trolling, expressions of disgust and risk of having posts displayed on other parts of the forum for ridicule.

Never said you were, nevertheless it's true.

I guess that's the danger. You post on MN, your words are out there. If they translate poorly across the rest of the site, maybe that's a salient lesson about whether they belonged here in the first place.

To reiterate, I was and am pro a sex board which is away from active and only open to people who've been here 90 days. There are myriad excellent reasons for it. Hook up threads? Nah.

And unsafe? Dangerous/risky? (to use the dictionary definition). Again, nah.

Two women that I know of have had their threads on the sex board ridiculed in other parts of the forum.

That's not safeguarding.

That's the very opposite of safeguarding.

No idea why I'm being deleted. I haven't sworn or abused anyone or asked someone to send me explicit messages.

Comes to something when men's comments are allowed to stand but women's aren't

Again, not a safeguarding issue. Inappropriate maybe, embarrassing, regretful, unfair. Many things. It's not a safeguarding issue.

And not wanting men/women asking for help with a quick wank or to aid infidelity, isn't making anybody unsafe. Quite the opposite actually. It's an attempt to make vulnerable people safe from harm.

I'm undecided about the sex chat thread but otherwise I agree.

Feeling unsafe is different to being unsafe.

Women should feel safe to ask for advice or experiences, some don't because of the presence of men and that's worth considerable thought.

Virtually no women feel safe asking anything of a sexual nature if they may be ridiculed and shamed by other women.

It's not a theoretical risk like the possibility of predatory DMs.

It's actually happened twice in the last week and there's precious little to suggest the risk is over.

Was any of this happening before MNHQ changed the parameters? Nope. And there's the crux of it. It has to feel right for all users and this is wrong for the majority.

And do you know what, if I had a genuine query pertaining to sex, I'd jolly well ask because I'm anonymous. I might get replies I didn't want but, nope, not worried about consequences because I am genuine and if you post my anonymous words back to me and laugh, then well, welcome to the Internet. MN has historically been very good at spotting when people are posting in good faith. Posting for help with a wank, the good faith is already obliterated. It's different.

Great arguments for these sorts of conversations to happen elsewhere - things that relate directly to relationships (dead bedrooms, erectile dysfunction) can be discussed on the relationships board.

Titillation, wank fodder and hookups are unsuitable for a parenting site.

I don't necessarily disagree with you but I do think theres lots of legitimate questions that because sexual tastes are so varied will illicit a lot of disgust and judgement on the wider forum.

The massive change of tone of replies since everyone became aware of the sex board on active is evidence of that.

The regulars here seem very astute at uncovering dodgy threads without shaming anyone that has different tastes to them.

I haven't personally got any problem with the sex chat thread, it's not my thing but so long as those involved are consenting, aware of safeguarding risks and it is closely monitored. I don't think masturbation is perversion but it needs a close eye to ensure that the fear of it attracting predators is just that...a fear and nothing more and doesn't spread to other threads or the larger forum.

HQ said they brought the registration delay down from 90 days to 7 about a year ago and have not detected any increase in predatory behavior and that most of the men are long standing members that post widely of the forum at large. I'd hope they continue to monitor.

I hope everyone has had a wonderful weekend! Fingers crossed we can fade back into oblivion this week and have silly, thoughtful, inclusive and interesting discussions again! 💗

We've just been chillin and hanging out together here. 😊

Is there any cake left?

I’m sure I could find a slice just for you! It’s vanilla, hope that’s ok? 😜

I'm trying to watch what I eat but I'm finding it very difficult.

As soon as it reaches my mouth it disappears! 🤔

@surplus 😂