He only goes down on me, but doesn’t want sex

[Rochellebee]

Hello, I’ve been dating a man who is 30 for two and a half months now (but we’ve been friends for few years). We spend every Saturday night together. He is amazing , kind, funny. However, he is extremely giving and goes down on me for hours. I went down on him few times, but he seems to prefer giving me pleasure. Awesome! However, I get frustrated we are not having sex. I asked him second and third time we were together and he told me he had a lot of sex in his life (he used to work in nightclub as bartender) and he much prefer intimacy of oral sex and also he loves learning about my body and teasing me. I’m very shy and don’t like to initiate (have some abusive history so it’s hard for me to initiate especially first time). Last two weekend I tried and went on top, but didn’t put it in and told him that I have condoms in my drawer - hoping he will get them and take charge. He didn’t and rather changed position to give me oral sex again . He seems to be hard the whole time we are doing things together so I don’t think erectile disfunction plays role. Any advice how to deal with it?

There are lots of possibilities here. From a male perspective I'm having a real think about what it might be that would ever cause me to hold off from penetrative sex. I love giving long, lingering oral sex to DW so I completely get that. But I'm also aware that she ultimately wants me inside her - so don't hold back on that (and wouldn't want to either, from my own perspective!)

So I can't help thinking that there is some fear, some anxiety going on.

For what it's worth, in my own experience, I began to be anxious about sex a couple of years ago when I began to experience occasional ED. Nothing too serious but at odd times, suddenly in the middle of sex, and especially when DW was on top. The anxiety I was feeling actually made the problem worse. I began to avoid that particular position for a while, which was frustrating for DW.

I then discovered Viagra (and more recently Cialis), which has resolved the issue completely. But what had been a mild physical issue - I guess maybe due to me being in midlife - had become a psychological issue, which was causing me at least a degree of sex avoidance.

Could it be ED? Possibly. He's only 30, but it's something which can affect men of all ages, and for different reasons, whether physical or to do with body confidence from knock- backs in the past. But it could equally be something else which has been suggested by other pps. But it is definitely something.

Whatever it is, OP, the only way to find out and help him resolve it (which might be quite straightforward) is to get him to open up about it. To say how important it is to you and that you want to offer help, support, and encouragement. Maybe write him a note if that's easier?

Look he probably thinks he’s doing a good job and being unselfish and the perfect lover.
Hes been reading women magazines about how 90% of women don’t orgasm through penetrative sex so he’s taken that on board and as I presume you are having orgasms with the oral sex there is no way he thinks he’s doing anything wrong.
This is the issue most men have, they are simple creatures and yet are supposed to somehow work out that they are doing the wrong thing via some hard to read low frequency vibrations or scent or some other mysterious sign.
You might do better to say, how about some cock action love?