Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Sex

You need to have been registered for 7 days to post in the Sex forum. Please don’t send unwanted PMs to other users.

Original poster

He only goes down on me, but doesn’t want sex

27 replies

Rochellebee · 10/02/2023 21:14

Hello, I’ve been dating a man who is 30 for two and a half months now (but we’ve been friends for few years). We spend every Saturday night together. He is amazing , kind, funny. However, he is extremely giving and goes down on me for hours. I went down on him few times, but he seems to prefer giving me pleasure. Awesome! However, I get frustrated we are not having sex. I asked him second and third time we were together and he told me he had a lot of sex in his life (he used to work in nightclub as bartender) and he much prefer intimacy of oral sex and also he loves learning about my body and teasing me. I’m very shy and don’t like to initiate (have some abusive history so it’s hard for me to initiate especially first time). Last two weekend I tried and went on top, but didn’t put it in and told him that I have condoms in my drawer - hoping he will get them and take charge. He didn’t and rather changed position to give me oral sex again . He seems to be hard the whole time we are doing things together so I don’t think erectile disfunction plays role. Any advice how to deal with it?

OP posts:
KangarooKenny · 10/02/2023 21:44

Just being hard doesn’t mean anything. Doesn’t mean he can perform.

Merlott · 10/02/2023 21:50

Has he got an sti and doesn't want to admit it?

Maybe he has ED or numbness.

Ultimately if the relationship isn't working for you then you have the right to end it regardless of the reason.

Ihatethenewlook · 10/02/2023 21:54

This is really weird. There’s definitely some sort of issue imo that he’s not admitting to. Maybe what pp said that he’s got an std. Or maybe he only lasts a few seconds and he’s embarrassed? Oral is fine, but it generally needs to lead to sex to leave both you and him satisfied. I think you need to just ask him why he’s reluctant to have sex, as that’s what you want. I’d message him if you’re struggling to talk to him.

FuoriComeUnBalcone · 10/02/2023 22:00

My first thought was STD too.

Either way, there is definitely something weird going on.

I'd say to him that, while you enjoy oral, you'd really like to progress to full sex.

If you've been friends for years, surely you can talk about this kind of thing.

Original poster
Rochellebee · 10/02/2023 22:01

I mean he told me he gets Sti tested regularly and is clean. I still think sex with condom would be safer than hours of unprotected oral sex…

OP posts:
Original poster
Rochellebee · 10/02/2023 22:02

He is quite small si first I though it might be insecurity … but cmon we need to at least try

OP posts:
windyarse · 10/02/2023 22:04

I have had 2 men do this.

The first couldn't maintain an erection which turned out to be as a result of meditation. The second who gave the best oral ever turned out to be fucking gay!

DarkShade · 10/02/2023 23:14

windyarse · 10/02/2023 22:04

I have had 2 men do this.

The first couldn't maintain an erection which turned out to be as a result of meditation. The second who gave the best oral ever turned out to be fucking gay!

Dying to know if this is a typo for masturbation or if he was just too relaxed from all that meditating! 😀

OP my guess would be death grip.

NameChangeFor2023 · 10/02/2023 23:17

@DarkShade I'd guess medication typo.

Galadriel90 · 10/02/2023 23:21

I had this with someone. He had ED and would immediately wilt at penetration. Very, very frustrating.

Aldisfinest · 10/02/2023 23:23

I've dealt with this before, he would get hard but as soon as he would put it in it would go soft. I think it was a combination of nerves and ED. He soon got past it but it definitely took me asking about it and him deciding to be really honest. He's probably really insecure about it

SunshineLoving · 10/02/2023 23:25

That's strange. I am thinking ED. It's a shame he can't be honest with you whatever it is.

windyarse · 10/02/2023 23:34

@DarkShade

Dying to know if this is a typo for masturbation or if he was just too relaxed from all that meditating!

It's actually a typo for MEDICATION SmileSmileSmile

DarkShade · 10/02/2023 23:36

Aaah that makes more sense!

Original poster
Rochellebee · 11/02/2023 07:26

Thank you everyone. I never dealt with ED so I thought men with ED usually can’t get hard at all or go soft quickly even when not being inside. But maybe he can keep it hard until he puts it in (I think at this point I just gently ask him if that the issue)

OP posts:
IwasToldThereWouldBeCake · 11/02/2023 08:05

Gay
Or
Can get it up but can't keep it up.

I m guessing gay, as you said you are shy, and I think closeted gay guys can sometimes feel at ease with sexually non assertive women who will allow them to explore their female body and the gay guy gets to explore is he actually gay or has he just not met the right woman...... If this is the case, no woman can actually meet his needs, and he needs to own his sexuality and not waste anyone's time.

NoDatingForOldMen · 11/02/2023 15:43

Why not just ask him why he doesn’t appear to want to have sex with you?

C1N1C · 11/02/2023 15:57

I think you hit the nail on the head with the size thing. I think it's him being insecure and trying to divert your attention with satisfaction elsewhere.

ToBeOrNotToBee · 11/02/2023 16:25

Maybe he has premature ejaculation and doesn't want to put you off.

Maybe have an open and honest conversation outside of the bedroom and tell him your worries.

Original poster
Rochellebee · 11/02/2023 16:37

I asked him few times and his replies were “ I’m getting to know your body” “ I enjoy pleasing you too much” “ I had a lot of sex in my life and im just enjoying this intimacy of oral so much more at the moment”. I will need to tell him I guess that as much as I love it I need sex

OP posts:
GoodNamesAreGone · 11/02/2023 17:25

""What's the difference between erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation? If you have erectile dysfunction, you can't attain or maintain your erection. If you have premature ejaculation, you have an erection but you reach orgasm and ejaculate earlier than you or your partner would have liked"

According.to google, he probably suffers PE rather than ED

user1501270679 · 11/02/2023 21:58

In a similar situation it turned out he couldn't stay hard when using condoms.

Some empathy and patience in this situation is helpful and kind, but he needs to be honest with you, or it is unfair as you don't know what you are dealing with.

Zanatdy · 11/02/2023 21:58

as much as l love my bf giving me oral it’s always as part of foreplay and I think I’d have definitely been very disappointed if we hadn’t progressed to intercourse after the oral. I’d just initiate sex. See what happens. If you’re shy about it this could go on for months until he says what the issue is. I’d expect it’s a performance issue. I’d just say I love oral but I want sex, see what he says

Samedaysameshit · 11/02/2023 22:05

Yiu said he’s quite small, that’s probably the issue.
Hes probably had some harsh feedback in the past, like is it in yet.

harrassedmumto3 · 12/02/2023 01:59

Many men these days are obsessed with oral, without actually being able to get it up.

This topic prevents users from posting on it until they have been members for at least 7 days.