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Is it desperate to message him

119 replies

KnickersInADrawer · 18/08/2021 15:51

Essentially was invited to ‘join for a drink’ for tomorrow.
A few months ago a Friend, let’s call her X, invited me out with one of her former colleagues (Mr Y) and he brought a friend along too. We all had too much to drink, Mr Y and I ended up kissing all night and he went down on me but it didn’t go any further. The next morning he asked my friend for my number and he text me to say I should have gone back to his with him and asking when I was next in his city. Flirting too such as ‘next time whisper what I’m good at’.

So a few months have passed and then he messaged me on Friday night to say he was with his friend and they were just discussing that night. He asked when I’m next in his city and I said this Thursday as I have a meeting, we discussed the meeting and he said ‘if you’re here on Thursday then join for a drink?’ I tried to be casual by responding that Thursday could be fun with a wink face. He gave a flirty response about working Hard Miss and then asked if I’m staying in his city after the exam- I responded yes and that’s where it was left.

So, do I message to ask if he’s still free tomorrow? Is that desperate? I don’t want anything other than a night of fun- I’m moving abroad next year (which I discussed with him in our texts on Friday as he has worked in the country I’m moving to) so not looking for anything serious, but equally I don’t want to seem desperate and if him not following up with a time/place is a message?

OP posts:
bigbaggyeyes · 18/08/2021 15:53

Yes drop him a message 'you still in for tomorrow night?'

Aquamarine1029 · 18/08/2021 15:54

I don't see how that's being desperate. He was the one who asked you when you're next available. You're not looking for a relationship so does it really even matter how it looks?

girlmom21 · 18/08/2021 15:56

'What's the plan for tomorrow then?' is perfectly acceptable!

LouLou3002 · 18/08/2021 15:58

Not desperate at all OP! he was the one that made the move, you're simply just following up on it!
all sounds exciting :)

KnickersInADrawer · 18/08/2021 16:04

Perfect! I’ll message him maybe tomorrow lunchtime after my meeting? I suppose I worried in case it was just alcohol talking on Friday night when he messaged (he messaged at 9pm whilst with the friend) and he woke up on Saturday and decided against it, hence not hearing anything. That’s my concern.
And maybe a part of me feels weird because we were introduced by a mutual friend, X, whom he also messaged but about her business. She has a boyfriend and has never had any involvement with Mr Y outside of being colleagues.
But if based on all this, it still isn’t desperate, I will message tomorrow and hopefully have a night of fun

OP posts:
AnonymousCheerleader · 18/08/2021 17:08

Hold on, if you didn't go home with him, where were you when he went down on you?!

😱😱

KnickersInADrawer · 18/08/2021 17:10

@AnonymousCheerleader in a hotel room! My friend and I had booked a hotel for the night so we had an after party (all 4 of us). Friend and Mr Y’s friend were sitting in a separate area (it was a suite so they couldn’t see).

OP posts:
thanksforyourcommentrandomman · 18/08/2021 17:12

[quote KnickersInADrawer]@AnonymousCheerleader in a hotel room! My friend and I had booked a hotel for the night so we had an after party (all 4 of us). Friend and Mr Y’s friend were sitting in a separate area (it was a suite so they couldn’t see).[/quote]
But they were in the same room? Shock

Ewww

category12 · 18/08/2021 17:12

"So, you up for it or what?"

Littlemissnc · 18/08/2021 17:16

Is he single? Then go for it

Guineapigbridge · 18/08/2021 17:22

Not desperate. If you just want sex there's no point in making him chase you anyway.

Earlydancing · 18/08/2021 17:23

Well this thread took an interesting swerve. You copped off with him while your friend and his friend were chatting about the weather? It was a suite - so they were in a completely different room, with the door closed? Or just round the corner out of sight? And he's now talking about it with his friend, drunk on a Friday night. Oh, I'm getting old.

Not that any of that is pertinent, I guess, to the question you've asked. Definitely message him. If he's gone off the idea, you'll know where you stand. If not, you'll have a great night.

Lovelybottom · 18/08/2021 17:26

Sounds like fun OP, go for it. I don't think it's desperate at all, he contacted you.

Why all the angst and judgment about the suite people? The other two were hardly sitting by the bedside cheering her on.

justbegoodforme · 18/08/2021 17:27

I'm loving this; reminds me of being young free and single.
Message him. Ignore anyone else judging your location for fun. Takes me back.
We are all different

spotcheck · 18/08/2021 17:30

You guys are both clearly up for it.

Not sure desperation will factor in

Pinkbonbon · 18/08/2021 17:32

I dunno op. He is kinda giving me the ick.
Hey I'm all for a bit of fun with a cute guy bothered just something about the whole 'you should have come back with me' convo that seems a bit...I dunno how to word it exactly...preditorial maybe.

That and 'I was just discussing that night with my friend' chat. Seems designed to make you wonder what specifically they were discussing.

Not saying theres anything wrong with hooking up with him op. But for some reason my creep radar is going off. Be careful.

Pinkbonbon · 18/08/2021 17:34

*but there's (not bothered)

hashbrownsandwich · 18/08/2021 17:36

Obviously we are invested in this story now so yes, message him and let us know what happens!

Pinkbonbon · 18/08/2021 17:37

Also, someone that goes down on ppl with other ppl present...doesn't care much for other people boundaries. Not sure I'd want to be in private with someone like that.

It might seem hot at the time. Especially with a few drinks in you. But...its pretty dubious behaviour.

I mean fir all I know you could have been the one instigating. But somehow, I doubt it.

MistyFrequencies · 18/08/2021 17:37

Hmm I'm kinda with Pinkbonbon. Something icky about it. But to answer your original question, it's not desperate to text him if you're up for it. Just one text though, if he doesn't respond you leave it there.

KnickersInADrawer · 18/08/2021 17:39

Ok, perfect! I just wanted confirmation and know mumsnwt is normally anti-chasing the man so I wanted assurance that I am not chasing him.
So what do I say in the message? I will tomorrow lunchtime. Hopefully my knickers end up in a drawer like my username (or on the floor) Grin

OP posts:
category12 · 18/08/2021 17:46

"So, you up for it or what?"

Earlydancing · 18/08/2021 17:49

I'd just say that I'm in town tomorrow. Is he still free in the evening to meet up.
Good for you. Have a great evening. I'm sure you will.

Kittykat93 · 18/08/2021 17:51

If you let him go down on you the first time in a hotel room with others there then why are you worried about sending a simple text ?? If the other thing didn't bother you why would this ? 😅

pommepommefrites · 18/08/2021 17:53

Take extra strength condoms, op. Sounds like he gets around a bit

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