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Sex

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Original poster

Is it desperate to message him

119 replies

KnickersInADrawer · 18/08/2021 15:51

Essentially was invited to ‘join for a drink’ for tomorrow.
A few months ago a Friend, let’s call her X, invited me out with one of her former colleagues (Mr Y) and he brought a friend along too. We all had too much to drink, Mr Y and I ended up kissing all night and he went down on me but it didn’t go any further. The next morning he asked my friend for my number and he text me to say I should have gone back to his with him and asking when I was next in his city. Flirting too such as ‘next time whisper what I’m good at’.

So a few months have passed and then he messaged me on Friday night to say he was with his friend and they were just discussing that night. He asked when I’m next in his city and I said this Thursday as I have a meeting, we discussed the meeting and he said ‘if you’re here on Thursday then join for a drink?’ I tried to be casual by responding that Thursday could be fun with a wink face. He gave a flirty response about working Hard Miss and then asked if I’m staying in his city after the exam- I responded yes and that’s where it was left.

So, do I message to ask if he’s still free tomorrow? Is that desperate? I don’t want anything other than a night of fun- I’m moving abroad next year (which I discussed with him in our texts on Friday as he has worked in the country I’m moving to) so not looking for anything serious, but equally I don’t want to seem desperate and if him not following up with a time/place is a message?

OP posts:

Beefcurtains79 · 24/08/2021 09:16

Yuck, what a gross hookup 🤮

Tinacollada · 24/08/2021 10:43

I think there's absolutely nothing wrong with people being as sexually liberated as they want, be it one on one or some other arrangement, as long as no one is getting hurt.

I do however think the OPs posts and descriptions are a little immature and boastful, and that's the desperate part.

AlternativePerspective · 24/08/2021 11:29

There’s a lot of judgment on this thread. judgement of the fact that the OP has gone into graphic detail as if she was writing a porn novel? Yep, I’m happy to judge that.

Imagine if a bloke was writing about his conquests with a woman on a public Internet forum. Would people say that he was free to do so? Or maybe that it showed a complete disregard for the woman he was writing about.

OP can go out and shag the army for all I care, although I Stand by my point that being turned on by someone telling them they’d like to fuck them is grim. But the OP clearly is gloating about her hookup on a public forum which is bloody grim.

Anyway, this thread now belongs in the sex topic.

Wishimaywishimight · 24/08/2021 14:19

That sounds utterly s**t to me. He didn't sound interested at all. When he got "held up in a meeting" he was saying it was a shame, that he had been looking forward to it etc., to me that sounds like he was trying to cancel but you continued to pursue him, saying to come to the hotel straight from work.

While in the hotel room with you he continued to work, doing a work video call. Then saying he couldn't continue as he had a 5am work call - seriously? The sex sounds half hearted and completely passionless - you DTD "partially" , "briefly" etc.

It really sounds like he's up for a 3some or 4some and some pics but that's about it. Even for a casual hookup this sounds utterly grim and devoid of any passion or excitement.

KarenofSparta · 24/08/2021 14:23

Sounds like he could very well have some sort of ED issue. All that going down and not a lot else, plus needing to be watched.
V complicated for a casual hook up.

Earlydancing · 24/08/2021 14:37

People are turned on by all sorts of things. As long as its not illegal or abusive, I don't see the problem. Using the words, ”I want to fuck you" might seem grim to you, other people like the basicness of it.
Op was egged on by people to tell them what had happened. So she did. It might not have been as people expected, but so what. Her first post was pretty explicit so people knew what to expect. If people were so offended, they should have stopped reading there.

The op made it clear to us and Mr Y she just wanted sex and no commitment. She was happy with everything that happened and she might and she might not meet up with him again. She can post what she likes on the forum as long as she stays within the rules. And actually if Mr Y hangs around on the forum, I'd be interested in hearing what happened from his point of view.
The op hasn't had a go at anyone for how they conduct their sex life, so I dont see why anyone should criticise her. Say you disagree, yes. But saying it in a way to make her feel bad, isnt nice.

ScottishZoe · 24/08/2021 15:53

OP ignore the negative judgement.

If you enjoyed it, and want to pursue another chance with this fellow, then you go for it!

Honeymare · 24/08/2021 17:07

I can't believe people are wary of a man (especially on a casual hookup) saying "I want to f**k you" 🤣🤣🤣

Anyway you don't seem hugely pushed on him OP and I'm not surprised - it sounds alright, not mind-blowing at all. As a pp said it all sounded quite complicated for a casual hookup.

I'd file him away strictly only under if nothing better comes up. Sorry but I am highly sceptical of the fact he couldn't even make it to the bar. I have had lots of casual encounters in my single days but I still needed to feel like he was very keen.

sammylady37 · 24/08/2021 17:15

And seriously, any bloke saying “I want to fck you” isn’t someone who respects women. Any woman who is turned on by that needs to raise their standards*

Oh ffs. What a ridiculous statement. Not everyone wants to make love or even ‘have sex’, plenty just want a fuck. Nothing whatsoever wrong with that.

Mooncats · 24/08/2021 18:07

It sounds passionless and boring and definitely a whiff of him either being uninterested or having ED. Trying to cancel, Doing the deed partially because he has a work call in the morning , repeatedly mentioning the group thing , all seems like he isn't actually into you but just looking for a chance to experience a fetish with anyone half willing .

category12 · 24/08/2021 18:15

I Stand by my point that being turned on by someone telling them they’d like to fuck them is grim

Really?! In the right circumstances with the right person, it's great. I don't really understand your objection to it. Haven't you ever felt it or said it someone yourself? A bit of raw desire?

Sparkybloke · 24/08/2021 20:29

Well my DP has been known to say 'please xxx my love....I need to be fucked NOW!' Not every time by any means but if we've been apart for a bit for what ever reason or if we have the opportunity for a longer than usual session and are both in the mood for a good time such utterances have passed her lips! As with all things sex related at the appropriate time and in the appropriate circumstances and with both parties on the same page it's fine.....but it won't be for everyone and that's equally fine....

Oldtiredfedup · 24/08/2021 21:27

Why is this being turned into a point of contention? OP and other man seem to be on the sand page - that’s what matters, isn’t it? She doesn’t want a felationship, neither does he, they both wanted casual sex, they both got casual sex. Why the need to unpick?

LipstickOnYourCollar5 · 25/08/2021 00:29

This reminds me of my youth and the naughtiness me and my best friend used to get up to.
Also being told ‘I want to fuck you!’ Is a turn-on for me, maybe not for others but it is for me.

Suprima · 25/08/2021 19:58

Sounds utterly pointless.

He’s also just sounded you out as someone who makes themselves very available who he can use to test out a fetish with.

sherazade · 25/08/2021 21:13

He told me to make a group chat with my friend and his friend suggesting a night out. Whilst up in the room we spoke, he did a work video call and basically then we ended up kissing and he carried me onto the bed from his chair. He went down on me, I briefly did the same to him and then you can guess what happened. After a few minutes he said ‘no I want to f$ you properly…, I have a 5am work call, I can’t’. Then we carried on kissing and he went down on me again and briefly we DTD partially again then he was like ‘no I have to go, make the group chat and next time will be even more exciting with other people there I can f@£ you…. Or on a Friday night and you can just stay at mine’. So I was drunk and being silly but he went home and said ‘make the group chat to suggest a night and send me any photos of yourself tonight’.
*
Which bit of this was the fun bit ?
Someone you barely know 'telling you ' to make a group chat . Why couldn't he make the group chat himself if it was for mutual friends ?
Doing a work video call ?
Surely the OP has better standards than A few minutes of oral and dtd 'partially ' to stop and say he can do it a lot better with a group watching .
Then to leave and demand more pics
That's a very niche , risky fetish to ask someone you haven't even had sex properly with to indulge in. If he can't perform 1-1 I doubt he can do it with the pressure of an audience .
It sounds disappointing .

GentlemanJay · 26/08/2021 08:56

@sammylady37

And seriously, any bloke saying “I want to fck you” isn’t someone who respects women. Any woman who is turned on by that needs to raise their standards*

Oh ffs. What a ridiculous statement. Not everyone wants to make love or even ‘have sex’, plenty just want a fuck. Nothing whatsoever wrong with that.

This.

GentlemanJay · 26/08/2021 08:57

Well I'm all for hook ups but this sounds a bit rubbish!

isitsummertimeyet · 26/08/2021 17:14

would of been better just the two of you id of thought but its good your not a prude, you wanted a fuck and you got one, abeit not the one of prob your choice but still it was fun so noone got hurt..

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