I think he’s sex people. Should I say something?

[HereWeGoAgainPart2]

Apologies in advance for possible tmi.

I’ve been seeing a very lovely man for nearly a year now after separating from my dh. I’m pretty inexperienced sexually and now finally in my late 30’s I’m realising what all the fuss is about sex. New partner and I have an amazing connection, I’ve never had sex like this before at all and it’s all been an absolute revelation to me.

Partner has been very patient with me as I have a few hang ups, have never had sex with the light on before I met him, have never had anyone even go down on me before. As I said, sex is incredible (for me, at least), it’s all very vanilla but he’s never pushed me in anyway to do anything that I don’t want to and never even suggested or tried to do anything I’m uncomfortable with.

But when I was with him at the weekend I was lying in bed while he was getting some bits out of his wardrobe. In the wardrobe were two large boxes - one was a stripper pole and the other was a sex swing. I have no idea if that’s what was actually in there, they could have just been boxed for storage (possibly? maybe?).

I’m not sex people so I don’t know if that’s the kind of thing that you keep between relationships? I guess they’re wipe clean? I half want to ask him but half don’t in case he starts doing a pole dance for me. Could it maybe just be something he keeps for a fancy wank or similar?

If someone likes stuff like that does it ever go away? He says he’s very happy with our sex life and has never done anything to suggest he isn’t.

But now I’m concerned that I’m going to end up in a sex swing or maybe he’ll be in the swing and I don’t know what to do with a naked man in a swing and it’s all a big mess.

@EastWestWhosBest

Who are all these people who don't know what you mean by 'sex people'?

It's the people they used to feature on Eurotrash.

Ah that bastion of fine tv programming!

No man uses a strippers pole for a ‘fancy wank’

Maybe you should bring over some chocolate mousse and ask him about the pedestrianisation of Norwich city centre.

No man uses a strippers pole for a ‘fancy wank’

@Blankspace101 It takes all sorts to make a world. Whatever we can think of, someone is into.

@HereWeGoAgainPart2

me4real that is why I didn’t originally post there as they’re definitely sex people. I didn’t expect everyone on relationships to think I was just making it up though so I obviously didn’t think it through.

anastasiabeverleyhills I know I need to speak to him properly. I’m just a coward and I don’t want to hear that what I thought was mind blowing sex was him just biding his time before he decides to tell me what he actually wants.

Your mind blowing sex is still your mind blowing sex. How did he seem after it? If he said it was really good, or really enjoyed it or like you thought it was mindblowing then take his word for it. Otherwise your straying from sex differences to mistrust which is a whole other kettle of fish. Getting into your head like this will ruin your ability to let go in the moment and have the same experience with your partner. These unsaid things will stay in your head. If he has more experience and like toys or props that doesn't mean he doesn't also like 'vanilla' sex. Lots of people like to experiment and as you mentioned previously you are just having a sexual awakening yourself. If yo uare in a trusted relationship these are things you could maybe try together. It doesn't mean you have to like them, you also don't have to try them but at least if the conversation happens you can move forward one way or another. He may not have liked the sex swing either which may be why it's in a box! Either way you don't need to be a coward (I also don't think you are, I think you are being cautious) Enjoy discovering what turns you on. I was also much older when I had my sexual awakening after an unstaifactory sex life for years.

Also just to add, I knew what you meant by 'sex people' . I think some of the ridicule was uncalled for.

I didn't know it was an Alan Partridge thing, but I could tell what you meant of course.

@NoProblem123

Gosh I’d love to have a go in a sex swing

Report back OP.

I think I'd probably just fall asleep in it - DP would come in, expecting some kinky fun and I'd be there snoring with a cat curled up on my chest. Until the ceiling caved in from my weight, obviously.

All due respect OP, but if you're not ever willing to think about going beyond basic PIV and oral over the course of a long term relationship, that's absolutely your right, but many people would find that a bit... limited.

What specifically worries you about these two things? Have you never done a sexy dance or a striptease for a partner? That's all a pole is really, an accessory to that. A swing is just an enabler to a position. It's a bit more elaborate than most people can be bothered with, but not in itself particularly kinky. Also you can't exactly try before you buy with sex toys - he could well have bought them and not liked them, or bought them for a previous partner who was into them.

You need to talk to him, not construct scenarios in your head about his imagined kinks.

I have a stripper pole, my mam bought it for me as she heard its 'good excercize' lol.

its a spring loaded death trap and doesnt even work - definately not 'sexy'.

I've not read the last few pages so someone may have said it any way but all sex is great. He won't be wanting you to do those things. He is happy with the sex life has if he wasn't he would have brought it up by now. I've done things will my partner that I don't want to do anymore but that doesn't mean our sex is any less great because I don't do those other things any more. I guess I'm trying to reassure you that he's not going to pressure you into those things and if it does come up and he doesn't understand then you know it just wasn't meant to be.

Yes, it can be scary, but the only way to know is to ask. If you're hoping this will be a lasting relationship, you'll need to talk about big 'lifestyle' issues, eventually.

If you're not compatible, wouldn't you rather find out now than later, after you're more emotionally invested? In the meantime, the longer you wait to speak to him, the longer you're torturing yourself with all the doubts and worries.

Who are the sex people 😂. Maybe she means sex worker???

@HereWeGoAgainPart2 Here come the sex people.

@BuffySummersReportingforSanity OP likes what they're doing now, that might open up a bit over time, or might not (both are fine.) My experience is people might do kinky stuff early in a relationship, but then it settles down (unless both people are really into kink.) OP might've just skipped the exotic side or it might come later on, if she wants.

I've done a lot of stuff over the years, but have now realized vanilla is my favorite, or even a bland form of vanilla. So if and when I have a partner again they'll have to be ok with that. I'm not going to do stuff I don't want to do sexually. No woman/no-one should have to.

Op you know you need a sex chat… just remember you thought oral was wild however long ago. So leave your options open but reign your imagination in. Enjoy what you have, communicate with your partner and do what you feel comfortable with. It’s because he’s more experienced you’re having fun… maybe he’s having fun because you are. Don’t overthink, there’s no problem right now!

I don't see sex swings as kinky at all. We had one (bit old for it now) and I wouldn't say I am that experimental when it comes to sex

Just talk to him.

The universal answer to most sex-related questions.

@HereWeGoAgainPart2

helenhywater I don’t think for a second that he would actually do anything that I didn’t want him to. It’s more that I’ll be thinking that’s what he wants to be doing.

Id guess the equipment has been kept due to both the cost and at a guess previously with other partners one side or the other has preferred to try the equipment. Especially for example the price of certain toys from Ann summers can be e.g. £40 ect.

He could just be storing his winter clothes in the (empty) box. Maybe.

Just watched the Alan Partridge clip! Very good.

If a swing was attached to my bedroom ceiling, I'd be worried about bringing the house down. Or maybe that's the idea.

Take him to an owl sanctuary, buy him a toblerone and ask if he’s sex people.

Someone interested in sex and 'good' at it. Well, research and practice may help.

I just popped in to find out what on earth "sex people" was.

Thanks for the Alan Partridge 👍

buffysummers I have large scarring and a chest deformity due to an accident as a teenager and there is absolutely no way I could ever do a strip or a pole dance. I’m 37 and this is the first relationship I’ve ever been in where my partner has seen me naked, that I itself was a massive step for me.

an owl sanctuary?

wth is sex people 😂😂