I think he’s sex people. Should I say something?

[HereWeGoAgainPart2]

Apologies in advance for possible tmi.

I’ve been seeing a very lovely man for nearly a year now after separating from my dh. I’m pretty inexperienced sexually and now finally in my late 30’s I’m realising what all the fuss is about sex. New partner and I have an amazing connection, I’ve never had sex like this before at all and it’s all been an absolute revelation to me.

Partner has been very patient with me as I have a few hang ups, have never had sex with the light on before I met him, have never had anyone even go down on me before. As I said, sex is incredible (for me, at least), it’s all very vanilla but he’s never pushed me in anyway to do anything that I don’t want to and never even suggested or tried to do anything I’m uncomfortable with.

But when I was with him at the weekend I was lying in bed while he was getting some bits out of his wardrobe. In the wardrobe were two large boxes - one was a stripper pole and the other was a sex swing. I have no idea if that’s what was actually in there, they could have just been boxed for storage (possibly? maybe?).

I’m not sex people so I don’t know if that’s the kind of thing that you keep between relationships? I guess they’re wipe clean? I half want to ask him but half don’t in case he starts doing a pole dance for me. Could it maybe just be something he keeps for a fancy wank or similar?

If someone likes stuff like that does it ever go away? He says he’s very happy with our sex life and has never done anything to suggest he isn’t.

But now I’m concerned that I’m going to end up in a sex swing or maybe he’ll be in the swing and I don’t know what to do with a naked man in a swing and it’s all a big mess.

@LubaLuca

I think sex people is like M People - most people claim not to like them, but if it's playing they're dancing, sort of thing...

I'm impressed that he's storing his equipment so well, and in its original packaging. He'll get a much better price for them on eBay that way.

A second hand sex swing 🤮

I’m hearing the “sex people” in the voice of Alan Partridge..

😂 Cannot unhear this now!

"Perhaps those people were... caught short?"
"They do it on purpose, Lynn!"

@copperpotsalot

Assuming this is a real post...

I'd never heard of the term "sex people" before but I assume you mean the opposite of vanilla? As in, experimental, a bit kinky?

The pole and swing are definitely from previous relationships... I don't really have an issue with taking sex toys from one relationship to another. They're all able to be cleaned.

I think next time he opens the cupboard you need to mention them.

See if he's thinking the two of you will be using them at some point... would you be totally against it? Given the new things you've been trying and enjoying it could be fine!

The pole and swing are definitely from previous relationships... I don't really have an issue with taking sex toys from one relationship to another. They're all able to be cleaned.

My money's on a previous business, such as a strip club or brothel.

Sorry, thought ‘sex people’ was a fairly normal expression. I clearly spend too much time watching Alan Partridge and assume everyone else does too.

Vanilla sex is just normal sex without swings, handcuffs, kinky stuff. I’m impressed that there are people that know even fewer sex terms than I do.

Being “sex people” is definitely a thing. And hearing the phrase again has cheered me up massively, so thanks OP, whoever you are!

And just in case you are genuine, don’t sweat it. If he is enjoying the sex with you right now, and you with him, then that’s cool! Everybody does stuff with some people they don’t do with others, depending on preferences. And who knows, one day you might turn out to be sex people too!

Chill out, babe... love... Lynn

If he ever asks you to put your keys in the fruit bowl - run!

I don't care if this thread is real or a wind up, it's all-round excellent. I'm crying laughing at the boxes, the wiping clean and the fancy pole wank.

If you are real, OP, I hope you keep having a lovely time with your new fella. He sounds like he probably is sex people but as long as you're being treated kindly and you're both consenting then fill your boots.

I've never heard of "sex people". Never watched Alan Partridge though so that's probably why.

OP don't get yourself in a tizzy over it. If he brings it up at any point then say you're not interested in pole dancing or sex swings (assuming you're really not interested as opposed to curious but apprehensive). End of conversation. If he doesn't bring it up then nothing to worry about.

I dated a lovely man for a while. All very normal...

Until one time, he pulled out a huge bag of dildos, a hogtie, a ball gag, handcuffs, buttplugs. He turned out to be sex people and it gave me the ick. It was such a shame as I liked him otherwise. I'm not even a prude, but it all seemed so unashamedly kinky like it was his hobby and he collects that stuff.

No. No thanks.

Sex people = humans

They weren’t massive boxes - both about the size of a couple of pillows I guess so I’m assuming they’re all unassembled, possibly (hopefully?) never used. Even if never used though would you keep something like that unless you planned to use it at some point in the future? It would probably be a bit embarrassing taking it to Age Concern though so maybe it’s because of that.

I don’t really think he’d rig up an entire sex swing for a wank. I’m just trying to think of scenarios that would explain that being in his cupboard that don’t make me think I’m massively frigid for not wanting to do that.

Tell him "no thank you, I don't want to be part of your sex festival".

lifeissweet that what I’m worried about. I now think that next time we have sex I’m going to be spending the whole time thinking he probably wants to stick something up my bum

OP, you need sensible advice.

It sounds like this is a man who has been respectful of your needs and your boundaries. That builds trust. If he suggests something you don't like, you can always tell him you don't fancy it.

I don't think he's wildly hankering after a pole dance and a session in the sex swing--that would be quite a long game, if so.

I'll also say that neither of those things is alarmingly kinky. I've always found poles to be ridiculous af and pretty unsexy, but they're not shocking. And a sex swing is just something that allows you to experience sex without gravity--kind of like a pool, I guess, without all the awful parts (sex in a pool is not actually fun).

So if he brings it up and you're curious, you can tell him. Say, I have no idea how this works, but I'll try it once. (Almost certainly you'd be in the sex swing, btw. You can go on YouTube and see lighthearted, fully clothed examples of how to use it, if you're curious--I just checked.) Or, say, no thanks. It sounds like he'll listen to you.

PS: I of course knew what sex people meant straight away and judging by the number of times it gets said in threads about hot tubs or pampas grass, so does most of mumsnet.

interesting thread.

I'm curious about these things and am too scared to search.
I only opened the thread because I didn't understand the heading.

@HooverPhobic

"Perhaps those people were... caught short?" "They do it on purpose, Lynn!"

Thank you SO much for this.

@HooverPhobic - did you know there are no Dutch elms left in Britain?

We're just moving this over to our sex topic - OP has been around long enough, so please no more troll hunting.

Does he ask you what you think of the pedestrianisation of Norwich city centre during sex, OP?

Perhaps he won them in a raffle.

OP check the back of the cupboard, is there a pringle jumper packed in a box with two little cones from a cycling test centre?

If there are people who still haven't watched Alan Partridge repeatedly after three lockdowns, then I don't know what you've been doing with your time.

@Skiptheheartsandflowers

If there are people who still haven't watched Alan Partridge repeatedly after three lockdowns, then I don't know what you've been doing with your time.

Wanking with a pole?