I think he’s sex people. Should I say something?

[HereWeGoAgainPart2]

Apologies in advance for possible tmi.

I’ve been seeing a very lovely man for nearly a year now after separating from my dh. I’m pretty inexperienced sexually and now finally in my late 30’s I’m realising what all the fuss is about sex. New partner and I have an amazing connection, I’ve never had sex like this before at all and it’s all been an absolute revelation to me.

Partner has been very patient with me as I have a few hang ups, have never had sex with the light on before I met him, have never had anyone even go down on me before. As I said, sex is incredible (for me, at least), it’s all very vanilla but he’s never pushed me in anyway to do anything that I don’t want to and never even suggested or tried to do anything I’m uncomfortable with.

But when I was with him at the weekend I was lying in bed while he was getting some bits out of his wardrobe. In the wardrobe were two large boxes - one was a stripper pole and the other was a sex swing. I have no idea if that’s what was actually in there, they could have just been boxed for storage (possibly? maybe?).

I’m not sex people so I don’t know if that’s the kind of thing that you keep between relationships? I guess they’re wipe clean? I half want to ask him but half don’t in case he starts doing a pole dance for me. Could it maybe just be something he keeps for a fancy wank or similar?

If someone likes stuff like that does it ever go away? He says he’s very happy with our sex life and has never done anything to suggest he isn’t.

But now I’m concerned that I’m going to end up in a sex swing or maybe he’ll be in the swing and I don’t know what to do with a naked man in a swing and it’s all a big mess.

Why does knowing that he has a couple of not-really-that-out-there sex things make you think he's going to do anything nonconsensual to you, when he's been entirely respectful of your preferences and boundaries so far?

@HereWeGoAgainPart2

lifeissweet that what I’m worried about. I now think that next time we have sex I’m going to be spending the whole time thinking he probably wants to stick something up my bum

Look this all very hilarious and you may even get a lifetime achievement award known as 'making it into Classics'.

But if any of this is serious, why didn't you simply say "Oh, what's that?" When he opened the wardrobe?

You have a weird relationship if you can't ask such a simple question.

This thread it's made me smile after a truly awful afternoon, so thank you all!

OP, it sounds like you have a decent man who is respectful of your boundaries. If you're worried, please just talk to him.

Thanks lilymumsnet. Apologies for putting it in the wrong place.

Id worry that a pole that (folded? telescoped?) went down to the size of a pillow, wouldn't be too secure. So I'd give that a swerve at least.

Soooo many people don't know Partridge, I'm shocked!

I think he's definitely sex people. Does he have pampas grass in his front garden?

@Juststopit

Here we go - bored at half term are we?

Sex people - made me laugh though

Why would anyone need to wait for half term to start a thread? Teachers can access the internet whatever day it is and from what my DC tell me pupils use their phones even in lessons. Why would anyone need to wait for a week off school to post on the internet.

I've never understood the theory behind the implication that for some reason the internet isn't available 24/7/365 and it's necessary to be off school to take a couple of minutes to post

Maybe you can explain please

But if any of this is serious, why didn't you simply say "Oh, what's that?" When he opened the wardrobe?

Eh? She knows exactly what they are, that's the whole point!

buffysummers I don’t think he’s going to do anything non consensual at all, I know that he wouldn’t. My concern is that he wants to do these things (whatever these things are) and I know that it’s something that I could never do or enjoy. I’m insecure enough about sex but thought I’d found someone I had an amazing connection with. Now I’m just feeling like I’m not enough.

worraliberty I don’t know why I didn’t ask at the time tbh. We were chatting about something else entirely and then the wardrobe was closed and I felt a bit daft.

@TheSpottedZebra

But if any of this is serious, why didn't you simply say "Oh, what's that?" When he opened the wardrobe?

Eh? She knows exactly what they are, that's the whole point!

Yes but that's besides the point.

The point being it would have sparked a conversation and then the OP could talk to her boyfriend of nearly a year, rather than Mumsnet.

He'll have a lot more answers than anyone here.

Before CV19, there used to be pole dancing lessons at a nearby Fire Station.
Is he a fireman? Has he got a helmet?

Gosh I’d love to have a go in a sex swing

Report back OP.

worraliberty I don’t know why I didn’t ask at the time tbh. We were chatting about something else entirely and then the wardrobe was closed and I felt a bit daft.

So ask him now then?

worraliberty if you think I’m making it all up then just ignore/ report. Making shitty comments isn’t overly helpful for anyone.

@NoProblem123

Gosh I’d love to have a go in a sex swing

Report back OP.

Maybe op could ask him if you could borrow it?

@HereWeGoAgainPart2

worraliberty if you think I’m making it all up then just ignore/ report. Making shitty comments isn’t overly helpful for anyone.

I'm asking you why you don't just talk to him?

I didn't say you were making it all up. Only you would know that.

Just say “no thank you, I don’t want to be part of your sex festival!” When he gets the swing out, surely?

@HereWeGoAgainPart2

lifeissweet that what I’m worried about. I now think that next time we have sex I’m going to be spending the whole time thinking he probably wants to stick something up my bum

Gosh how did you get from sex swing to sodomy?

@HereWeGoAgainPart2

lifeissweet that what I’m worried about. I now think that next time we have sex I’m going to be spending the whole time thinking he probably wants to stick something up my bum

lol

OP why don't you just ask him why he has a sex swing in his wardrobe?!

Most people don't stick something up your bum without you consenting. And I assume that if he's unhappy with your sex life he'd either tell you or go elsewhere.

I'd report your thread and get it moved to the Sex section, where you'll be more likely to get a sensible reply.

@KirstenBlest @HereWeGoAgainPart2 I think in the Sex section people are likely to just say this is wonderful and OP should grasp everything he's into with both hands.

You probably have to have a frank conversation with him about sex. What you want, what he wants etc. It's very common but also quite sad that so many couple can't talk about this. If you are embarassed to rbing it up then maybe bring it up after sex, you could start with a conversation about fantasies maybe?

Most people don't stick something up your bum without you consenting.

Well THAT's not a sentence I thought I'd read today!

Who are all these people who don't know what you mean by 'sex people'?

It's the people they used to feature on Eurotrash.

me4real that is why I didn’t originally post there as they’re definitely sex people. I didn’t expect everyone on relationships to think I was just making it up though so I obviously didn’t think it through.

anastasiabeverleyhills I know I need to speak to him properly. I’m just a coward and I don’t want to hear that what I thought was mind blowing sex was him just biding his time before he decides to tell me what he actually wants.

helenhywater I don’t think for a second that he would actually do anything that I didn’t want him to. It’s more that I’ll be thinking that’s what he wants to be doing.