Sex Multiple Times

[IsItJustMeOrYou]

I chatted to my DH this morning about sex multiple times. For example if you have sex more than once in the same evening/night/day. We met as teens and are our only partners and now in our 50s. In all of that time maybe 3 or 4 times we have had sex at night then the next morning after waking up. My DH said that he has never had the urge to have sex then a short-while later have sex again. I am the same so we are very compatible and happy with things.

Not having any other experience it was just a general question on how common is it to have sex more than once within a short-period and is there a real desire from each partner to have sex multiple times?

Thank you, I am just curious

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@Blokenamechangesexboard yes I agree you can't be something you are not. That doesn't mean you can't make changes, honestly it is the least I can do for someone who has been my biggest supporter. I never took it as an attack on me, that is not his nature, just something he did, as you rightly say, feel regret over. I genuinely think it is healthy to be able to express feelings as long as it is done in a thoughtful and considered way.

@IsItJustMeOrYou
I'm just on sunshine at the moment ☺️

I agree with @Blokenamechangesexboard that you can't be something you are not. But I also feel v sorry for your husband, as it sounds like you do too. So I think that even consciously deciding to show physical affection would be worth the effort. I don't know how close you are physically in terms of hugging etc, but even just holding hands, random kissing, the odd affectionate touch, would probably make him feel a bit better.

If you just aren't of a passionate nature then you would have to make a concerted effort actually to develop that side of yourself. You might surprise yourself. I think it's a part of you that does benefit from a bit of attention and recognition. You might start with exploring your imagination. Thinking about what arouses you. Imagining scenarios. I think that's the best place to start.

@IsItJustMeOrYou
and remember there's quite a big downside to being like me. It means I have v strong feelings and really need to have sex in my life. Quite difficult to manage sometimes.
(I'm working on channeling this energy in the right direction. 😅)

But tbf I have had times when my desire has been so squashed by the environment I'm in that I've stopped feeling it. And I've had to intervene to re-start it. By focusing on it. Which is why I think that if you tried, maybe you would generate a bit more energy in that direction. No harm in trying. X

@Blokenamechangesexboard - Absolutely not suggesting the OP changes because we are all different, we are who we are but as a married couple who have spent many years together, I think either spouse should be open enough to tell the other person how they feel.
I myself went through a period during my marriage where we wasn’t having sex a lot, this clearly made my husband unhappy and he told me he felt unwanted, this didn’t upset me but it opened up a huge dialogue between us and we now have a much healthier sex life.

@Parkerwhereareyou thank you. We are very affectionate all of the time. I think when either of us enter a room the other is in there is nearly always a touch/kiss/hug. We rattle around in our house (kids grown up) and still sit together on the same sofa next to each other. It was the feeling of being sexually desired that he was missing.

I agree that the passion you obviously have could cause issues at times but how wonderful when everything clicks for you, either that or cold showers.

@Blokenamechangesexboard I think healthy dialogue is great and you certainly need both parties to be onboard. Clearly you were able to hear him and improve the situation.

Although I am reactive with sex there is no doubt I very much enjoy it. Out and about today at the beach and DH thanked me for making an effort. It was a 20 second conversation but clearly he had noticed. There was no need for an in-depth analysis. The sun was shining an we were eating ice-cream - bliss

My partner can orgasm and immediately say there’s still some left and be back at it 20 minutes later (he’s 56 aswell and says at one point didn’t need the 20 minutes either it just wouldn’t have gone soft for more than a few seconds. I can feel like I’m not done after but not be able cum the same way/at all and just gradually slow down to a stop x

@IsItJustMeOrYou - It sounds like you have a great marriage and you both have a good understanding and mutual respect for each other. Long may it continue

@ChocoholicWineLover thanks

@BarbieBrat Not being a 56 yr old man but from other things I have read thats quite something

It reminds me of a line in Fred Wedlock’s ‘The Oldest Swinger in Town’:

“And it takes you all night to do what you used to do all night”

@IsItJustMeOrYou
Really happy to read how close and affectionate you both are - sounds like a lovely relationship. ❤️

So it really is just the raw desire he's missing? I think you just have to start thinking about sex. Really thinking about it. It might help a bit. No harm in trying. X

@Parkerwhereareyou well at the start of the thread I would have agreed that it is about desire however the points that you kind people have made have helped, even though the thread seems to have morphed into something else (apologies).

I would now say that he would like me to take more of an active role and by doing so that signals that I am interested and committed. Another way to put it is that 'he would like me to share the load'. I appreciate that sex/intimacy is not a burden nor a load but concisely put that would be the best way to describe it.

In that spirit, and during this thread, I purchased 'an item' that we used this week.

Random people on the internet.......I thank you

As a student I only my GF at the time once every few weeks, so it would be multiple times over a weekend, same after I graduated and moved away, was only seeing then gf, every few weeks, so would be multiple times over a weekend, after we married that stopped from what I remember

I’ve only had partner who initiated sex, she likes sex daily and would often initiate

@IsItJustMeOrYou
Amazing update!!!!! That's such great news! So pleased that this thread has helped 🙂👌

Current bloke stays hard after orgasm and can go again straight away. He's just over 50, I'm just under. He says he used to be like this in his youth but didn't know he could still do it. I hadn't realised this was possible - I've had around 10 sexual partners over my life and can't remember anybody else who did this. A very impressive trick! I used to come only once, twice on a very good day, whereas with him it's usually 3+ times. I would like to be doing this ALL THE TIME because it's so good, and so wonderful to be having such fun, but once or twice a week is enough for him. It's such good quality though, I'm prepared to wait . Also we always seem to take at least an hour SO I suppose that would be a bit much if it was happening all the time.

Isitjustme - reading your posts what strikes me is that you are saying that you have no libido .

But you also say that he can't keep his hands off you ,which you adore .And that when he pushes the right buttons you are enthusiastic and that you very much enjoy sex.

So it seems that you need to be aroused before getting into the mood .Which I imagine is very common ,but not the same as having no libido .
Do you mean that you don't think/desire sex until he initiates it ? I wonder if ,because he's so in to you and can't keep his hands off you ( how lovely !) that the space for you to be thinking about it and wanting it ,doesn't arise ? IYSWIM ?

Anyway he sounds gorgeous and you sound loving caring thoughtful .Good on you both to have such a great relationship .

@peridito Yes you are right with a lot of things. I do have a libido but don't think about sex, more-or-less at all. DH gives me a lot of confidence in myself which can wane when you hit menopause. This extends to feeling attractive and wanted which I have not returned to him, which is shame on me.
Regarding pushing the right buttons it is not an easy process for him. I can take a while to get warmed up so just cuddling in bed in the morning (which we do every day before getting up) and caressing me generally does nothing at all. On the odd occasion it does lead to something more but not very often. I would say also that this never causes any friction whatsoever. For late 50s he has not erection issues at all in fact quite the opposite but he never shows any frustration but then we have sex twice a week which he says suits him perfectly, and me of course. Even on holiday I would say we are twice a week with both of us happy to read in the evenings.

The short answer is yes, to multiple times.

In my teens it was a case of if parents were out or if a BFs were out, we rarely missed an opportunity.

In my 20s, all restrictions had gone and it was less structured. The multiple thing happened more with people l met on holiday.

In my 30s it was frequent and nothing compared with the passion of a new friendship.

Early 40s now and still particularly enjoy someone new, weekends the odd multiple can happen. But night time sex is rare. I try and avoid it being something you do before you go to sleep.

Hi @IsItJustMeOrYou. If you are on Instagram, look up @hellojennykeane She talks a lot about women understanding their sexuality and her podcasts are very good too.
The other person to look up on Instagram is @thesexdoctor. She talks about desire, how to enjoy better sex etc and initiating sex.

@Whatliesbeneath707 thank you I will look on Insta especially for the latter.

The Pleasure Mechanics also have lots of good podcasts. Some of them are pretty 'niche', but others are very general.

@Blokenamechangesexboard thank you. I just browsed some of the podcasts (there are hundreds) and the titles are interesting. Thanks

When I was 20 I went out with a bloke who was 31, much to my mums disgust. I would visit him at weekends as he lived around 45 mins away by train and I was busy with Uni and he was busy with work. On the day I got there, he would literally rip my clothes off the minute I walked in. He would then want sex at least 5 times over the rest of the evening. Over a weekend we would probably have sex up to 12 times. Problem was I didn’t really want this but was naive and didn’t know any different. A couple of times would have done me! We split up after 2 years and I was quite glad that my next bf was happy with 2/3 times a week! I did have one night stand once with a fella who I met in a pub which started at around 11pm and we didn’t get out of bed until 2 days later, just ordering room service in the hotel we booked! It was absolute pure lust on both sides. I think will we must have had sex 15 times in 48 hours! Christ knows what the maid thought when she finally had to change the room! That was 20 years ago though. With my now DH I am lucky to get it once a year. Sad how things fizzle out over time.

Check out The Pleasure Possibility - Making Love Through the Menopause on FB. What you're describing is entirely normal for a woman's libido at any age.

@Sadsammy thanks. I am on HRT which has made a huge difference in the bedroom and of course with the brain fog. I was listening to a podcast yesterday by the pleasure mechanics on 'sex drive' which was really interesting so will check out the Pleasure Possibility as well - thanks

@IsItJustMeOrYou you might find this article on desire from the Bad Girls' Bible interesting. It describes "responsive desire" which sounds like what you're saying you experience.