How to indulge in husbands 3some fantasy

[Ivenamechangedforthis2020]

I’ve name changed but am a regular poster on Mn.

Been with my husband 11 years with 2 dc together.

I’m very happy in our relationship. When we first met he was open about the fact he’d love a 3some with another girl. This is something I’d often fantised about prior to meeting him but thought it was a pipe dream. He bought it up when we were Together about 6months and as we were loved up and I was possessive of him, I dodnt share his fantasy. We are now comfortable and open with eachother and the 3some topic came up a few months ago during a drunken night out. He was open about having sex with another woman and wanted me part of it. I feel that my exploration with women was never adhered too and I’m interested in exploring further, however I don’t know how to go about making it a reality or if it could have an impact on our relationship.

Are there any MNetters who have experienced this and if so how did you go about it and what impact has it had on your relationship?

Posting in AIBU for traffic. Thanks

It all sounds very one sided in his favour. I’d hate seeing my dh with another woman I couldn’t cope with it all.

What ever happened to 'if you can't say something nice, then don't say anything at all’?

Are you new to the internet? And the planet?

Terrible idea.

Sounds like he is intent on shagging other women whether you are “a part of it” or not.

Maybe ask if there is another way you can heat things up without him being unfaithful because I assume you do not want that op.

Are you new to the internet? And the planet?

Certainly new to AIBU!

If you do decide it's what you want and not just to please your husband then go for it!

I've been in a similar situation and it really helped to have an open and in depth discussion about what we want and our boundaries before. Also, have the conversation about boundaries with the 3rd party.

I agree with what others have said though, there are better places on the internet to discuss this than Mumsnet

Morning, all,

We're just hopping on to confirm that the OP is indeed a long-term member of the site, on a name-change for this thread (as she's said).

OP, we think you'd be better off posting in our Sex topic rather than AIBU. Would you like us to move this thread over, or shall we close this one so you can start a new thread over there?

This thread has really made me laugh

*I love the prudes of mumsnet coming out to play!!

Far from it. I think it's more like women sharing their experience of men and their demands, and of threesomes.*

There are plenty of couples who indulge in swinging. The key thing is communication and boundaries.

OP DH has probably had a bit of a shock reading this but if it's something that surfaces later on down the line there is no harm in going to a club.... There is no expectation to play but you can observe the dynamics.

There is still the age old cliché surrounding swinging.... However its more common than you think. If you did decide on this in the future may I recommend Killing Kittens.... Its more upmarket than the normal fab swingers etc.

Thanks @DawnMumsnet. Would be great to move it over to sex, Some of the replies have been help so would like to refer back to them.

Thanks @combatbarbie. I will give that a try. I am open to it but was unsure how to go about it. I would not want to meet online and have an awkward date so to speak, (think that scene with Pete and Dawn in Gavin and Stacey) more like be in an environment where if it feels right we know the deal!

No problem, Ivenamechangedforthis2020 - we're moving your thread over now.

This thread is turning out to be very entertaining.

Hi OP. I have had a MFF with an old work colleague and her FWB, it was fine until she got upset (she wanted more than FWB) so we stopped. There was no harm done.

My most recent FWB also expressed an interest in this and I agreed. We didn’t know another woman who could take part so agreed to hire an escort. I made all the arrangements but can only assume he got cold feet, as on the day we had arranged things for, he ignored my messages. Finally got hold of him a week later and he told me he’d ‘had a nervous breakdown’ .

We’ve not spoken since, but had been getting on brilliantly beforehand. I suspect when he realised it was about to move out of his head and into the bedroom, he bottled it. I suspect many men might react in the same way.

I think it's a nice idea to have someone spare to make a cuppa.

@Jennifer2r

I am a single swinger and I have many couples approaching me for this scenario both online and in real life. I always say no because what's in it for me?

Fumbly sex with an inexperienced woman who's on the fence about it while her creepy husband paws at me? No thanks.

So whom do you swing with them?...

I think you've been given a rough time OP. Hope my story helps you.

I joined Killing Kittens a year ago, out of curiosity more than anything else. It's a community of sexually liberated people exploring their sexuality. Some swinging. Some BDSM and kink. Lots of friendships and socials.

Yes unicorns are difficult to find but, if you're looking, KK is the place to go! Join some of the chat groups and you'll find a wealth of advice and knowledge about opening a relationship. It's important to understand that the person you bring into the bedroom has emotions and needs and is not just there for your pleasure. Build a connection, get to know people, flirt a bit... you'll find someone.

DP and I have been to a couple of KK sex parties in London before lockdown. Also had a wild weekend away with 24 KK pals. Have learnt so much about communication, jealousy and insecurities. I thought I would just tolerate him being with other women but, surprisingly, I actually enjoy watching him have fun. I know he's not falling in love or going to leave me!

I arranged a kitten pile for his birthday and connected with 4 bisexual girls who wanted to play with us. We all met for drinks and got on well but the party had to be cancelled due to covid! He was gutted! 😂

There's some strong views on this thread...

OP, I've been the +M in a MMF.

As I understand it they also had a FFM before.

It was a very pleasant and enjoyable experience for all. Not awkward at all, we had discussed before what the expectations were, the boundaries and a few ideas of what they wanted to do.

You're DH does sound as though it's about him and his pleasure, not a shared experience.

That said, the couple I spent an enjoyable afternoon and evening with did contact me three years later to say was I up for another meet - by which point I was working out the country.... They were clearly still together.

@cosmicbabe

I have been to bed with couples before, just not if it's presented to me as "indulging husbands threesome fantasy". I'm not a prop, I'm a person with my own feelings and needs.

I like to be with women who are genuinely interested in and attracted to me, rather than wanting to fulfil their husbands desires.

Typical message "hi, it's hubby's birthday next week and he wants to see me with another girl, are you interested"... Err.. No. Maybe get a sex worker?

Hey @surroundedbypostitnotes
Yes, all the time! I think it's quite normal to feel that you're somehow "not enough".

Was it FAB? I tried that once. It was indeed grim. People who just want a hook up.

We've made a nice circle of friends, got to know them properly as we would with any new friendship group.. they just happen to be kinky friends! We've met for drinks and dinner, picnics... Then we did some soft swapping, just kissing and touching to start. I really like all the girls... have had girls nights out. So now I feel very relaxed about DP playing with them. They're very respectful that we're a couple. There's an openness and honesty about it all.

We're close to one of the single girls. When DP was away she stayed at mine and we just drank, ate and watched movies in bed - nothing sexual. Another time the three of us had dinner and she stayed over for kisses and cuddles as she had her period. I'm sure we'll do FFM. with her when the time feels right.

I've actually found KK to be great for my body confidence. Early on I made a comment that I couldn't compete with the younger women and was very quickly reassured by everyone that it's not a competition and all bodies are beautiful. Any lecherous men are quickly booted out! The guys understand that, although it's a sex community, the women have enough choice that they are actually more picky who they connect with.

Feel free to drop me a DM if you want to ask anything else 😀

So he wants to experience two women all over him and wants to have sex with another woman but with you involved? Meanwhile you want to explore sex with a woman? Three different aims there that probably wouldn’t be achieved in one session. Perhaps you’re best trying a sex party, Fab Swingers or killing Kittens or similar - you don’t have to participate or accept approaches from another person/people , but seeing what goes on and perhaps taking small steps to see If the jealousy kicks in?

Thanks all for the replies. I’ve had a look on KK and we are really interested in exploring this more. We have now even talked about the possibility of meeting and ‘playing’ with another couple! But I think when we get to go to one of these and see what it is, will we really know what will work for us.

Thanks again