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Original poster

... in worrying that my DP may be gay?

85 replies

Mellodrama · 07/02/2018 15:55

8 months into new relationship - He has 2 kids from previous marriage (he was with her for 17 years, nobody before or since)...

First time we met (online), my first reaction was to his voice - very feminine.

I like kissing - he doesn't seem to like it as much...

Though our sex life is actually really great, he cannot ejaculate Sad... THIS is what worries me - he has only on a number of occasions, using the same particular position and only when very rough (sorry TMA Blush)

He seems pretty obsessed with anal sex ... Is this an indicator?? Hmm

He is great but never seems to be 'all over me' even though he discusses future plans with me in them...

I'm really confused Sad

OP posts:
BlackEyedKid · 07/02/2018 15:59

Either way it doesn’t sound as if you’re compatible.

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 07/02/2018 15:59

Not necessarily. Is it likely he is watching porn?

etherdiscipiline · 07/02/2018 15:59

I say get rid and find someone else

Life's too short to waste time on unsatisfactory males.

ProfessorPickles · 07/02/2018 15:59

Same as PP, I'm not entirely sure if this suggests he's gay although I do see why you might think that. But what stands out is that it doesn't sound like you're right for each other for one reason or another

FrogsLegs32 · 07/02/2018 16:00

He’s not gay and no a preference for anal sex is not any kind of indication.

He has a certain set of preferences and you only have to decide if they match with you or are acceptable to you.

Bloomed · 07/02/2018 16:01

'Life's too short to waste time on unsatisfactory males' oh how I wish I'd had it put this way to me before

Iloveanimals · 07/02/2018 16:02

Sounds like you aren't really suited

LittleLights · 07/02/2018 16:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Fenwickfan · 07/02/2018 16:03

Maybe the low testosterone to blame for his voice/sexual problems. He might be in need of more stimulation due to an erectile disfunction so prefers rough sex/anal due to this fact.

WonderLime · 07/02/2018 16:04

There isn’t really anything that you’ve said that’s indiciated that he’s gay.

If you’d said ‘whenever we go out he’s always commenting on other men’s butts’ then yes, I think I would be wondering too.

I think this is just simply a case of not being sexually compatible. Probably best to break things off before it gets too serious.

sonlypuppyfat · 07/02/2018 16:04

He sounds smashing Confused

Original poster
Mellodrama · 07/02/2018 16:04

I'm intrigued as to why you guys say we're probably not compatible? I guess I'm wondering whether there are other guys out there who may like anal, and don't ejaculate all the time? Sad

OP posts:
geekone · 07/02/2018 16:06

It sounds like he is building up to rougher sex as this is how he can cum rather than he's gay. I bet you will find he likes extreme porn which has adjusted his idea of normal sex. Their maybe someone out there for him into the same stuff but I don't think its you.

Littlechocola · 07/02/2018 16:07

He’s just not that in to you

WonderLime · 07/02/2018 16:07

You’re not sexually compatible because you like kissing, he doesn’t. He like anal, you sound like you’re not overly fond. You like to feel like he really wants you sexually and he’s not giving off those signs.

You might be compatible in other ways, but it really depends how important sex is to you

The ejaculation issue is something you’d need to discuss with him to find out why this is.

Gladiola44 · 07/02/2018 16:08

Don’t think there are many quality men who like anal and have to be rough to ejaculate Confused sounds like a porn addiction. Get rid!

Original poster
Mellodrama · 07/02/2018 16:09

@WonderLime we're definitely sexually compatible! I've had a lot of sexual relationships and with him is possibly one of the most exciting, exhilarating Wink

I don't mind anal, I just don't get whether this is a typical male preference or, as I asked, a possible indicator of?

He is extremely attentive in that he always makes sure I'm satisfied, and yes, he does watch porn... after his divorce he was single for 3 years and used porn as an accessory for masturbation.

OP posts:
BishBoshBashBop · 07/02/2018 16:09
Hmm
Wellfuckmeinbothears · 07/02/2018 16:10

I don't know if he sounds gay but I wonder if he watches a lot of porn? Porn can really influence what their into and make it harder for them to climax when engaging in normal sex with their partner. I think it sounds as though he watches a lot of rough and anal porn and is struggling to be as turned on by "normal" sex.

I don't think you sound compatible as you are upset that he isn't climaxing with you and you don't sound enamored with the rough sex either. You like kissing, he doesn't and thats a fairly basic foundation to a physical relationship.

SteX · 07/02/2018 16:12

Just a quick comment about lack of ejaculation. I'm a man btw. Porn "addiction " to specific types can cause this, as can various medications, is he taking anything? There are also various medical (including mental) conditions, has he mentioned this? Does he have any problems getting/maintaining erection? Does he ejaculate fine masturbating? Sorry if TMI, just trying to help!

Oh, and liking anal isn't a sign of being gay/bi!

Original poster
Mellodrama · 07/02/2018 16:12

@Wellfuckmeinbothears ooh I actually do love rough sex, haha! Sorry I didn't make that clear - that's not the issue!

And yes, I think he has developed the old 'death grip' from porn Confused

OP posts:
kittykat798 · 07/02/2018 16:12

I think that it's nothing that he prefers anal, he has to get turned on by you and that wouldn't be as possible if he was gay...
A lot of men I've met, friends and partners, have loved the idea of anal. So it could just be that.

I would say though that you already seem unsatisfied from an affection perspective and that is not worth it. Just give up now.

Original poster
Mellodrama · 07/02/2018 16:13

@SteX Ooh great to have a mans input, thank you. He takes Fluoxetine (has been since 2012 when his brother suddenly passed away) but I can't see they'd have that effect? Hmm

OP posts:
PinkHeart5914 · 07/02/2018 16:14

Having only had 1 partner ( his ex wife) doesn’t mean gay, not everyone has a long list of partners

Having a feminine voice- doesn’t man gay

Liking anal sex - doesn’t mean gay, I mean plenty of women can and do enjoy it too

Maybe he just doesn’t kiss how you want him too- Not everyone is a good kisser unfortunately

Only cumming after rougher sex I don’t see the problem with, that’s just what does it for some people. I know I enjoy sex more the rougher it is

Nothing you’ve said makes me think his gay but from what you have said I do think he isn’t the man for you, so end it now and move on.....

April229 · 07/02/2018 16:14

Sounds like there is something he is into sexually that does it for him, but isn’t what you guys have done together.

I see why you would think gay, but maybe it’s something else a bit niche that he’s been shy in talking about.

Could you ask? Just find out what really does it for him in bed and then see if it’s something you like too?

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