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Original poster

... in worrying that my DP may be gay?

85 replies

Mellodrama · 07/02/2018 15:55

8 months into new relationship - He has 2 kids from previous marriage (he was with her for 17 years, nobody before or since)...

First time we met (online), my first reaction was to his voice - very feminine.

I like kissing - he doesn't seem to like it as much...

Though our sex life is actually really great, he cannot ejaculate Sad... THIS is what worries me - he has only on a number of occasions, using the same particular position and only when very rough (sorry TMA Blush)

He seems pretty obsessed with anal sex ... Is this an indicator?? Hmm

He is great but never seems to be 'all over me' even though he discusses future plans with me in them...

I'm really confused Sad

OP posts:
Wishiwasholsk · 07/02/2018 16:49

Looked back at your previous posts (sorry I did think you might be a troll) ... but in one you said he was laid back which makes you think he doesn't care but counteracts this with his contact. So I'm a little confused

PureLife4 · 07/02/2018 16:54

I struggle to orgasm since taking fluoxetine, so it could be that?

Vitalogy · 07/02/2018 16:55

Thanks for answering SteX

JudgeyJudy · 07/02/2018 16:57

I would say he maybe has intimacy problems rather than being in the closet

TheVanguardSix · 07/02/2018 17:03

I don't think he's gay.

Fluoxetine is a libido robber, btw.

Lovemusic33 · 07/02/2018 17:22

It’s the fluoxetine for sure, my ex was the same on it, I met him before he went on it and he could ejaculate fine, as soon as he started the meds he couldn’t finish. Also taking viagra can have the same effect (a lot of men seem to take this).

I don’t think there’s any indication of him being gay, some men are just obsessed with annal and it seems to be used in porn a lot.

coconuttella · 07/02/2018 17:43

He takes Fluoxetine (has been since 2012 when his brother suddenly passed away) but I can't see they'd have that effect?

I had a DP whose ability to ejaculate plummeted after he started Fluoxetine. This caused problems so GP prescribed other drug and problem went away in a week or so. Definitely get him to see GP!

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 07/02/2018 17:50

Although he might not be gay, it's possible he is. Does he watch gay porn, perhaps ask him that?

I'd find it quite "disappointing" for want of a better word, if my partner rarely came during sex. That might become an issue as time goes on.
How can he be satisfied with your sex life if he can't climax?

I also think his lack of affection, never instigating sex and preference for anal will eventually create a wedge between you.

The fact that you're feeling confused and doubtful after just a few months shouldn't be ignored.
Little niggles early in a relationship can become bloody great chasms a few years down the line!

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 07/02/2018 17:53

The Fluoxetine might be causing his ejaculation issues that's a fair point but I don't think that explains his dislike of kissing and desire for rough anal sex?

Adrianflank · 07/02/2018 17:54

Haven't read much of the thread, But about ejaculating, is he on any medication?

Last year I was on Ads, 95% Of the time I couldn't ejaculate, this included sex and masturbation, I stopped taking them over a 2 months ago, I now don't have that problem

SteX · 07/02/2018 18:33

@ILostItInTheEarlyNineties The Fluoxetine might be causing his ejaculation issues that's a fair point but I don't think that explains his dislike of kissing and desire for rough anal sex?

Agree with this, you do definitely need to iron out these issues OP. Majority of guys whose preference is rough anal, (and, pardon the term, "face-fucking"), have derived them from porn.

It's deffo best to have both parties sexual/intimate proclivities on the table before things get serious, in my experience.

I

SteX · 07/02/2018 18:36

@Babycham1979 I agree, as a man, with much of your post, although porn has a lot to answer for when it comes (ahem, or not...) to male sexual performance. Very good post though.

TheHodgeoftheHedge · 07/02/2018 18:43

You might be sexually compatible (although honestly from your OP it sounds far from it) but you obviously don't communicate. You need to talk about these things in relationships worth anything. Even if it's just to check in that you're both satisfying each other and not just sexually.

coconuttella · 08/02/2018 06:36

The Fluoxetine might be causing his ejaculation issues that's a fair point but I don't think that explains his dislike of kissing and desire for rough anal sex?

I think it may go a way to explaining it. Perhaps tmi but in my experience the only way ejacualtion was possible was intense rough stimulation...

coconuttella · 08/02/2018 06:40

.... although doesn’t explain dislike of kissing

speakout · 08/02/2018 06:55

Rough anal does not sit well with me.

Each to their own I guess.

floriad · 08/02/2018 07:04

It sounds like you might be sexually incompatible.

Some people don't like kissing. Some like anal sex. Some like rough sex.
But it doesn't mean they're gay.

And the ejaculation issue" might be caused by his medication, as other users have already suggested.

You could try being open and honest about it(if you genuinely like the guy).

Helmetbymidnight · 08/02/2018 07:09

Only gets off on rough anal, no kissing?

He sounds like a lousy shag. He's not for me. I'm sure there's a woman out there desperate for that.

coconuttella · 08/02/2018 07:12

The MN obsession with the 'death grip' and porn always amazes me. According to the MN expert panel, if a guy can't get it up/can't cum/cums too quickly/cums too slowly etc it's always the man's fault (never down to the partner's abilities) and a failing that he has to address. Yet, when it's a female posting that her partner can't make her orgasm and that she has to rely on her rabbit for this.....it's ALSO the man's fault (never down to her obsession with plastic appliances) and a failing that he has to address, yet again. Double-standards much? Denial much?

Had noticed that before, but you’re absolutely right! If a man complained that his DP couldn’t cum during sex and other men piled in to say ‘don’t waste your time on unsatisfactory women’ and ‘must be because she’s using her dildo so much - you’re not compatible so leave her for someone who doesn’t have these issues’, the response would rightly be scathing!

coconuttella · 08/02/2018 07:12

Hadn’t noticed...

Batmanwearspants · 08/02/2018 07:18

My dp has taken fluxotein previously and struggled to ejaculate when on it.

speakout · 08/02/2018 07:20

*Only gets off on rough anal, no kissing?

He sounds like a lousy shag. He's not for me. I'm sure there's a woman out there desperate for that.*

Not for me either.

In fact I would be deeply suspicious about the motives of a man like that.

BoredOnMatLeave · 08/02/2018 07:38

Sorry OP but this basically reads that he isn't interested in you so you think he must be gay, but when people have told you that you've gone back and said you have this amazing sex life and very compatible, in which case what's the issue then?

Babycham1979 · 08/02/2018 08:13

Coconutella, you'll now notice it all the time! It's a very frequent trope all over MN!

Helmetbymidnight · 08/02/2018 12:51

Yeah, yeah, when MN hear about a guy who can only come when he has rough anal sex, they NEVER talk about the many women who can only come when they are roughly rogering the guy's arse with a dildo!

Complete double standards!

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