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Original poster

... in worrying that my DP may be gay?

85 replies

Mellodrama · 07/02/2018 15:55

8 months into new relationship - He has 2 kids from previous marriage (he was with her for 17 years, nobody before or since)...

First time we met (online), my first reaction was to his voice - very feminine.

I like kissing - he doesn't seem to like it as much...

Though our sex life is actually really great, he cannot ejaculate Sad... THIS is what worries me - he has only on a number of occasions, using the same particular position and only when very rough (sorry TMA Blush)

He seems pretty obsessed with anal sex ... Is this an indicator?? Hmm

He is great but never seems to be 'all over me' even though he discusses future plans with me in them...

I'm really confused Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
Mellodrama · 07/02/2018 16:16

@April229 thank you, and he knows I'm literally up for anything (I'm extremely sexually adventurous), maybe this is a bad thing and intimates him Hmm

OP posts:
Funkyhouse · 07/02/2018 16:16

You’re the one who knows him best. I think if you have that feeling then it is certainly possible. Why is he with you though?

ItsMutinyOnTheBunty · 07/02/2018 16:17

DH had problems climaxing on a similar antidepressant so it really could be part of the problem.

expatinscotland · 07/02/2018 16:17

He sounds like a porn addict. Can't see how you are sexually compatible if you like kissing and he doesn't, he can't come unless he's rough and he's overly fond of anal. Get some better standards for sexual compatibility. Or, hey, if you're willing to live the rest of your life never making out, taking up the arse and being rough, that's your lookout.

FrogsLegs32 · 07/02/2018 16:18

Grin come on now this must be a journo fishing for some tales!

Fluoxetine (Prozac) is so well known for affecting sexual performance that it is used to delay things in men with premature ejaculation

WellThisIsShit · 07/02/2018 16:18

I’m not quite sure what the issue is for you?

It initially sounded like sexual incompatiblity. But now you say you are very satisfied?

Soooo, is it that you’re not getting enough affection? Is there emotional intimacy? Or just thrilling sex?

If there is a close emotional bond then I give up!

Huskylover1 · 07/02/2018 16:18

Life's too short to waste time on unsatisfactory males

All women who are dating, should abide by this mantra.

EfficiencyDeficiency · 07/02/2018 16:19

I had the no ejaculation issue when I first met my dp years ago and it was a result of too much porn and him only being able to satisfy himself.

He had to "learn" other ways iyswim.

Nousernameforme · 07/02/2018 16:19

Antidepressants can certainly have a effect on sensitivity and libido.

Regarding the kissing do you think perhaps you are incompatible on an emotional level

expatinscotland · 07/02/2018 16:19

' thank you, and he knows I'm literally up for anything (I'm extremely sexually adventurous), maybe this is a bad thing and intimates him hmm'

More like he sees you as willing to serve his interests. Hmm But at any rate, why not talk to him rather than guessing. 'Are you gay or bi?' 'Why don't you like kissing?' 'Are you addicted to porn?' 'Are you taking any meds that cause problems ejaculating?'

YetAnotherUser · 07/02/2018 16:20

Saying he's gay cos he likes anal is like saying a woman is gay because she likes being fingered or given oral.

If you're questioning his sexuality though I'd be concerned that there's no future in the relationship.

Original poster
Mellodrama · 07/02/2018 16:20

@FrogsLegs32 I'm hoping that is just the case, though my ex dh was on all kinds of pills and never had issues Hmm

For the pp who thinks I'm a journo, I wish haha!! Wink

OP posts:
Wellfuckmeinbothears · 07/02/2018 16:21

Ah ok...well to be honest it still doesn't sound as though you are sexually compatible or you wouldn't be posting wondering if he's gay?

It does sound like death grip from too much porn, would you be willing to address it with him?

troodiedoo · 07/02/2018 16:24

Common or garden porn addiction with the accompanying intimacy issues.

Vitalogy · 07/02/2018 16:26

Genuine question. Why would a man want anal sex with a woman?

Original poster
Mellodrama · 07/02/2018 16:28

@troodiedoo Is 'garden' porn literally just that, outdoors?? Ooh I love that! Wink

OP posts:
GeorgeTheHamster · 07/02/2018 16:28

Fluoxetine absolutely can inhibit ejaculation

dingdongdigeridoo · 07/02/2018 16:29

I wouldn't say those things add up to him being gay. A feminine voice is a pretty negative stereotype, you can't infer someone's sexuality from that. Some men aren't into kissing much, but if it's important to you then you might be incompatible.

Sounds like he's suffering from a 'death grip' from too much wanking. A lot of men have trouble ejaculating if they grip too hard, as they get used to the pressure. If he's watching a lot of porn, it also explains the anal obsession. Again, some people like it, but if you don't then that's fine. It's just an incompatibility issue.

To be honest, he doesn't sound very considerate or all that great in bed. How invested are you in this relationship?

Funkyhouse · 07/02/2018 16:30

I’m not sure what the problem is now you have explained how great the sex is, how compatible you are, how much he satisfies you and how adventurous you are Confused.

southboundagain · 07/02/2018 16:34

Fluoxetine can definitely cause these problems (it doesn't happen in everyone so your ex being fine doesn't prove your current partner will also be fine):
www.medicines.org.uk/emc/files/pil.6013.pdf

"he has only on a number of occasions, using the same particular position and only when very rough"

Can also be desensitisation, e.g. if someone's always very rough when they masturbate they get used to that being normal.

SteX · 07/02/2018 16:37

Oh yes, I had similar issues with Fluoxetine.. and various other anti-depressants. Some also caused me to lose all sexual libido- to the point DW asked me if I was cheating.

I've done full cycle on pretty much all antideps, benzodiazepines such as Diazepam can have an effect on sex too. I've just started on Sertraline.

Mirtazapine are really, really, really bad for sexual performance btw, no interest, no erection, no ejaculation.

Obviously with all drugs, everyone is different, dosage is important etc.

needmysleep75 · 07/02/2018 16:39

If you are 'up for anything' do you actually mind if he is bi-sexual? Just wondered. If you don't have a problem with the sex then just talk to him about it all

Original poster
Mellodrama · 07/02/2018 16:40

@SteX thanks lovely, I really appreciate a mans input and I do hope you're doing ok now? Wink

OP posts:
SteX · 07/02/2018 16:46

@Vitalogy Why would a man want anal sex with a woman?

Really? As a guy, here's my 2p.

Vaginas come in all shapes and sizes, and have different penile "grip". That's to begin with. As a woman gets more and more turned on, and gets wetter and wetter this grip can basically diminish to nothing. I just change position etc etc.

There are no such problems with anal, we supply our own (Sliquid is amazing) lube, and the penile "grip"never changes.

Wifey also notices I hit her G and A spots more during anal - although fingers are the very best way to hit the female triad.

HTH.

Babycham1979 · 07/02/2018 16:47

The MN obsession with the 'death grip' and porn always amazes me. According to the MN expert panel, if a guy can't get it up/can't cum/cums too quickly/cums too slowly etc it's always the man's fault (never down to the partner's abilities) and a failing that he has to address.

Yet, when it's a female posting that her partner can't make her orgasm and that she has to rely on her rabbit for this.....it's ALSO the man's fault (never down to her obsession with plastic appliances) and a failing that he has to address, yet again.

Double-standards much? Denial much?

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