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Original poster

Never seen anything like this.

74 replies

UserWhatever · 10/12/2016 13:22

I had a new partner over the summer whom I've seen on and off and I’ve not seen anything like it before.

In a nut shell, he cant have an orgasm through regular sex. He just does not climax without a herculean effort which is often far too painful and goes on too long for me.

He wasnt too bad the first time we were together over a weekend. But lately he cant stay hard long enough to put a condom on so that takes ages as you have to keep starting again and then he goes at is as hard and fast and deep as he can and I had to tell him to stop as it was hurting.

So then he says he has to use his hand. He says he masturbates every day and he absolutely had to climax this time or he would be frustrated all day if he didnt. He asked after did you come? Yeah of course I did with 30 seconds of it like that.

He said he should probably stop masturbating so much and get some sensitivity back. But I thought this was a myth?

The first few times it was ok. Enjoyable and he was concerned for my pleasure. This time I felt I was just there to facilitate an orgasm for him. It is so hard for him to climax that he seems to get wound up about it and I guess that puts him off more. I got no enjoyment at all from it last time and he barely asked.

OP posts:
Snowflake65 · 10/12/2016 13:24

Is he over 50? My ex struggled to get / sustain an erection as he got older and the GP said it was his age and quite normal.

NiceFalafels · 10/12/2016 13:25

Can you both concentrate on massages and not have sex for a few weeks

BabooshkaKate · 10/12/2016 13:27

Yeah, masturbating every day will do that to your dick. He is right, he needs to stop. Not sure what you can do though.

DeleteOrDecay · 10/12/2016 13:30

Sounds like death grip syndrome.

WhatsGoingOnEh · 10/12/2016 13:33

Loads and loads of men are having this problem, due to watching porn online and masturbating every day. The brain gets so used to variety that the same old partner no longer has the ability to turn him on. It's a thing.

Original poster
UserWhatever · 10/12/2016 13:34

No he is a young man. 35. Not had much relationship experience by the sound of it.

He wasnt too bad to start with. But the last time was terrible. He literally pinned my legs behind my head and went as hard and fast and deep as possible and I said to him stop it, that hurts. So he stops, pulls the condom off and says I need to masturbate can you help me. Then he said he will be frustrated if he doesnt climax. He asked me afterwards, sorry did you come... seriously?

He said he should lay off masturbating next time. I honestly thought I was there to facilitate his orgasm last time whilst he wanked. He didnt even try foreplay at all.

I thought death grip syndrome was a myth.

OP posts:
DeleteOrDecay · 10/12/2016 13:35

Yep, what Whats said. I think he needs to stop master bating/using porn etc for a while and see if that helps.

Pestilence13610 · 10/12/2016 13:36

I thought death grip syndrome was a myth PMSL

Original poster
UserWhatever · 10/12/2016 13:37

The brain gets so used to variety that the same old partner no longer has the ability to turn him on. It's a thing.

We are not regular partners. very new and not seen him that often.

OP posts:
Original poster
UserWhatever · 10/12/2016 13:38

I thought death grip syndrome was a myth PMSL

Did you intend to be rude?

I have never seen anything like that before and I've had a few partners.

Glad you find it funny

OP posts:
AnchorDownDeepBreath · 10/12/2016 13:41

No it's not a myth, unfortunately. He's too used to wanking with a tight grip and therefore he's desensitised to anything else.

I'd suggest he stops wanking for a few weeks and then you try again but given how he treated you last time; I'd actually walk away. He didn't care if you were hurt or enjoying it, he just wanted to get off. Not the sign of a great partner.

lollylou2876 · 10/12/2016 14:54

Maybe it's a combo of the masturbation and nerves, however it would polite to satisfy you first not just jab away.

I think he needs to relearn what sex is, I'd have a chat tell him you like him, and that the first time you enjoyed it, but you need to connect in an intimate level. Ask him not to masturbate, get some sex lingerie on and no sex/no oral, just kissing, eye contact, stroking, licking, teasing, until you both cannot bear it anymore, in order to build the excitement and sensuality. He will come quickly the first time, but take it really slowly on round 2 and maintain the foreplay but don't always let it end in sex.

The key here is he must not masturbate as it won't work. I say this as the want to have sex we otherwise you has to override the easy familiar habit of masturbation

ChicRock · 10/12/2016 14:57

He literally pinned my legs behind my head and went as hard and fast and deep as possible and I said to him stop it, that hurts

Porn addict.

Death grip.

Lazy selfish lover.

Repulsive gobshite.

JenLindleyShitMom · 10/12/2016 15:00

OP, forget about him. you needn't to do some work on your assertiveness and your boundaries. He had your legs pinned behind your head and was hurting you!! It's almost like you thought your purpose was to facilitate his orgasm. It isn't. Sex is for mutual pleasure. That means it has to be enjoyable for you, throughout Nit just a bit of foreplay then onto what he really wants to do.

JenLindleyShitMom · 10/12/2016 15:00

need to not needn't to

UterusUterusGhali · 10/12/2016 15:03

I have seen this and I'm afraid I just had to end it. It was an ordeal tbh.

I think within a loving relationship it might be surmountable with lots of patience and dialogue. Do you think the relationship has "legs"? Does he seem willing to seriously address it?

PoshPenny · 10/12/2016 15:09

Honestly I don't know why you're bothering with him, it sounds like he's only in it for himself. Hard and fast and deep and it's hurting you? Can't sustain an erection long enough to put on a condom? I think the man has issues and you should walk away. Let him sort out his own problems.

Mooey89 · 10/12/2016 15:20

I had one of these. He had an unfortunate mix of tiny penis, circumcised, and didn't have sex until age 25 so a long time to get addicted to porn and his own hand. It did not work out!!

travellinglighter · 10/12/2016 15:48

Death grip, if he's addicted to wanking them it's going to be a hard habit to break.

That aside, he should show you a bit more consideration. Maybe help you climax and then you can help him. I suspect that I found he's watched too much porn then this may involve a bucket of soapy frogs, a stirrup pump and a copy of the woman's weekly. Good luck.

BobbieDog · 10/12/2016 15:49

The death grip isnt a myth at all.

I dont know if stopping wanking will reverse the "damage"

Has he been single along time?

Original poster
UserWhatever · 10/12/2016 15:58

It only lasted a few seconds. I am not unassertive. I within seconds said no way. I wouldn't put up with that for him or anyone.

OP posts:
shaggedthruahedgebackwards · 10/12/2016 16:04

He sounds vile OP

Regardless of his problems with climaxing he has shown his true colours now and clearly your pleasure is very low down in his priorities

Dump

Original poster
UserWhatever · 10/12/2016 16:53

Has he been single along time?

Bingo. Very few relationships at all

OP posts:
BobbieDog · 10/12/2016 17:38

If hes had hardly any relationships then thats what the problem is, hes too reliant on the grip a hand gives that a vagina doesnt.

Im not sure what the solution is though. Do you like him enough to see if there is a solution?

Original poster
UserWhatever · 10/12/2016 19:45

If I see him again I'll insist on foreplay for a long time.

He was alright the first time. He seems to have it in his head that he takes ages so maybe that stops him too. He worries about it and so it doesnt happen.

OP posts:

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