Achieving orgasm through PIV - woman on top?

[MyNameIsReddish]

My first post in sex topic - let's hope this works!

Orgasm through PIV is something I've never managed and I wish I could.

I keep reading that woman-on-top is the way to go, but I can't really work out how this is supposed to give clitoral stimulation (I'm probably being dense). Anyone care to enlighten me? Do you have to bend far forward rather than sit upright? Am I doing it all wrong??

Other suggestions for orgasm through PIV also welcomed...

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"I have sort of been seeing the aim of sex as the man's orgasm."

And so does your DH by the looks of things. It is simply logical that a man must bring a woman to orgasm first because a floppy post orgasm penis is not going to hit the spot. It's the only fair way for both to get their share of enjoyment.

I have almost always orgasmed via PIV simply by being on top and varying the pace and motion. You have been deprived for so long and quite frankly your DH should be ashamed of himself.

He needs to practise some patience whilst you experiment and find your groove.

So don't lie back and think of England. Get on top and think of Mumsnet yourself!

There is a book called "She comes first". Very enlightening for both people, in how the female orgasm works, and techniques to try.

He bit you?

Another one here saying he bit you?? Badly?

Re oral with OP's DP: He's bitten you and
there's no rhythm? I'm finding it impossible to imagine being turned on by this man if this is his technique. I think my clit would go into permanent hiding.

Do you fancy him, OP?

Your man does sound a little selfish OP. My Husband cannot make me orgasm through PIV because he is small and cannot last long, but he is very giving and makes sure I have plenty of clitoral orgasms through oral, or by using his hands or toys. I can have a clitoral orgasm quite quickly, but a vaginal orgasm through PIV, with no stimulation of my clit takes a lot, lot longer. It is more enjoyable, and much more intense though, and with my lover I can get to a stage where I have multiple orgasms this way and it feels amazing.

Have you actually spoken to him about this? I think you need to talk first.

I have no idea how he has bitten you badly more than once. I can't get my head around what he was trying to do!

She spoke to him last night and he said he thought that women got some kind of "release" from PIV even if they didn't reach orgasm, so didn't always need to come

This is going to take some re-education.

Sorry I missed that she spoke to him. He needs another talk though about being more equal in sex and both getting what they want out of it!

He didn't bite me on purpose! I think he just slipped and his teeth caught me quite hard. No actual blood or anything, but lots of pain, and now I am nervous about doing it. He would usually be happy to give me oral if I wanted it, so it's not that he is selfish about that.

It's just that he would do it for a few minutes and then get a bit impatient/his jaw would get cramp/etc and I would still be no nearer any kind of climax, so....it all seemed a bit pointless. And that's even without the fear of being bitten!

So he's only happy if you hurry up and orgasm within 2 mins or he gets impatient?

Sorry love, but he hasn't got a bloody clue.

A couple of things jump out at me from your post, I think you need to let go in your head before you can anywhere else. You say up thread you want your dp to lay still for a bit, would he be up for gently being tied up? He does with sound selfish or a bit uneducated and I think it's the latter you are going to have to communicate to him verbally or physically what works for you!

I think he just slipped
Owwww

I am crossing my legs really tight right now!

Sorry, it seems as though we all agree he is bad in bed. Impatience, getting cramp, such turn offs!

But you haven't answered if he actually turns you on, you actually feel horny for him. These things count a lot.

Would he be willing to use a toy on you? I've recently bought a moregasm rabbit from AS and we've had plenty of playing together eg. Partner using the vibe on me, whilst I give him a bj or I will kneel with legs apart and he can finger me whilst I play with him but as I get closer I do let myself have a few minutes to 'finish'

Do you feel relaxed in the bedroom? I would never have dreamt of doing the above until recently. My self esteem has always kept me back but of late I've taken charge! A little glass of wine, soft lighting and a good talking too in the mirror ( you deserve to have a good time too!) might make you feel more in control and demanding maybe?

As a pp mentioned you could always take him by the wrists and hold them above his head and if he moves - be firm - tell him your in charge and get cracking! Good luck!

I do fancy him, yes, sort of. But we've been together for donkey's years and our sex life has not been good for a long time - so that's getting in the way of the list, IYSWIM.

LUST, not list, FGS! I do not have a list.

How did he bite you by accident? I'm boggling at how bad his technique must be to bite whilst giving oral sex.

Oww stop, seriously! Graphic details not needed. Just that he slipped.

Maybe bumped, hard, with teeth, is a better description than bit? He didn't actually clamp his teeth together or anything! (Thank god). I assumed it was probably fairly common...I am learning a lot on this thread.

No,it is NOT fairly common. I can't even imagine how anyone bumps tbh. I wouldn't let anyone near me ever again if they did that!

I think you'll need to be very explicit with what you want in bed as he clearly needs educating!

Really not. Other men use their tongue and lips but never teeth. It's hard to imagine how it happened.

What about getting a little book you can read together? Love honey do them on oral sex and karma sutra positions. Make it part of re thinking how you approach sex?

Secret to PIV orgasm: absolutely no direct clitoral stimulation.
That really isn't some sort of super secret. It might work for you but it simply doesn't work for most women. And I LIKE clitoral stimulation, why would I actively try to avoid it?!?
Women who can achieve orgasm through PIV sex tend to have a smaller distance between their vagina and their clitoris than women who can't. That means that when the penis is thrusting, the clitoris is being stimulated internally. There is nothing wrong with women who can't.

Wouldn't it just be easier to find a way to manage a PIV orgasm?!
No it wouldn't! You want to make it easier for your partner because you don't want to put him to too much trouble! If he can't be bothered to make sure that sex is as much pleasure for you as it is for him, why would you even bother?
He needs to help find the best solution to this. Losing interest after he has cum is just shitty. If his hand gets cramp before PIV then a bit more variety might be needed - include a bit of oral alongside the manual stimulation maybe (tongue only!!)

The woman on top position has worked for me before (grinding as described by the PP), but it's not a way I usually choose to orgasm. I generally don't orgasm from PIV but I do almost always orgasm during PIV, it just requires a helping hand. The positions that work best are any kind of rear entry (spoons, doggy, reverse cowgirl etc) or front entry with a bit of room for a hand or a vibe. A bullet vibe is small and some are quite powerful.
www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=14042

I have to say your DH doesn't sound great. He sounds very selfish. Sex should not be all about him. You need to take a bit of control.

When you say PIV orgasim I think this is literally a happy orgasim not a clit orgasim - as in there are two different types of orgasim.

The shoot orgasim being very different from a clit orgasim.

Those if you that are suggesting clit stimulation or not, whilst PIV do you mean for a clit orgasim or a shoot orgasim?

WTF are you talking about ivykaty?
A happy orgasm, a clit orgasm and a shoot orgasm?
A woman can have an orgasm through various types of stimulation but there are not 2 types and one way of getting there is not better than another. All that matters is what works for the woman in question.