Achieving orgasm through PIV - woman on top?

[MyNameIsReddish]

My first post in sex topic - let's hope this works!

Orgasm through PIV is something I've never managed and I wish I could.

I keep reading that woman-on-top is the way to go, but I can't really work out how this is supposed to give clitoral stimulation (I'm probably being dense). Anyone care to enlighten me? Do you have to bend far forward rather than sit upright? Am I doing it all wrong??

Other suggestions for orgasm through PIV also welcomed...

---

If you've found this page in your search of orgasm gels and orgasm lubes that have been recommended by fellow Mumsnet users, you might find our guide to the best orgasm gels useful. Hope this helps! MNHQ

www.google.co.uk/search?q=cock+ring+rabbit+ears&rlz=2Y3GQQX_en______GB0690samsung.jflte.jfltexx&prmd=sivn&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwjL8MTo643NAhVFAcAKHak-Dp8Q_AUICCgC&biw=360&bih=559#imgrc=F8dd269Yz_ErtM%3A

This kind of thing

Have you tried a bullet? Use it together before piv. I usually can't hold on with that. Lots of foreplay on you first before piv might help. Sex is something I've re discovered or even discovered with DP and its worth experimenting a little and maybe retraining both of you a little? In terms of position I usually need on top or reverse cowgirl but you control it then.

This is the best one
www.annsummers.com/sex-toys/sex-toys-shop-by-category/sex-toys-cock-rings/the-bull-vibrating-cock-ring/67111.html#prefn1=type&prefv1=Cock+Ring+-+Vibrating&start=5

I think this is more complicated than how to orgasm through piv

I think this is more complicated than how to orgasm through piv

I agree. So your partner doesn't help you/can't be arsed/doesn't know how to get you to orgasm Before PIV so your response is to try harder to orgasm while PIV?

Hmm.

I don't think it's (just) that my DP is being a bit selfish in bed. It's also me - as a PP said, I have sort of been seeing the aim of sex as the man's orgasm. And I wish it were possible for me to get an orgasm from PIV sex too!

I mean, ok, he could just use his hand on me before PIV, but his fingers get cramp, it takes ages, he gets bored (I think, or perhaps I am just being self-conscious) and it seems like something he has to do "to me", rather than something I'm being an active participant in.

OR - I could do it myself, in which case I'm actively participating, obviously, but I may as well just be on my own as have an audience! I am not sure he gets anything from it unless I consciously "perform" masturbation in a sexy way, in which case I find it really hard to come anyway and it's all still about him...

Wouldn't it just be easier to find a way to manage a PIV orgasm?!

I think it's definitely worth having a go at finding a PIV orgasm (i've never got there but I've had a fair amount of fun trying). The difficult is that if 'I'm being selfish' and 'how do I look' are in your head, you're going to get nowhere. I'm a big believer in sex in the dark to fix the latter one, though you may be more interested in looking at your partner during sex than me I'd strongly recommend some kind of erm arousal assistance beforehand - literotica is where I go.

Totally get you about having to 'perform' masturbation. The only time i have ever faked an orgasm is when I was supposed to be doing sexy masturbation for someone - just wasn't going to happen.

Use a vibrator on yourself during rear entry poisition? I can't come during PIV and I don't even try any more, but there's no way it would ever happen from piv alone. I need more "attention" than that.

Dh normally brings me to orgasm prior to sex but if not I stimulate my clitoris during sex and come that way instead.

I have never ever come through PIV alone. Usually I have my orgasms before getting to PIV through DH going down on me. Or if it's not a long session I bring myself to orgasm whilst he's in me, a spooning / scissor position works best. It is very rare I don't have an orgasm one way or another, DH enjoys pleasuring me as should be the case with a considerate lover...

OP, I could have written your post - no help I'm afraid but thanks for opening the topic. Hope it gets better for you

OP, I think you need to take responsibility for your own orgasm when you are having sex and do whatever you need to do to get there. If that includes lots of foreplay, using a vibrator, oral, or experimenting in different sexual positions then you need to communicate this to him and insist that he does it until you are fully satisfied. You also need to learn how to 'receive' and let him know he is pleasing you, that way he won't get bored. Quite the contrary in fact, he will find it a turn on.

And last but not least, your partner needs to learn to put your needs first. He's being selfish so why shouldn't you? Sod his orgasm, think about your own!

I think its got a lot to do with position, placement and effort. If DW gets on top she can get me into a place where "It hits the right spot" and basically do most of the work herself. She does ask me not to move as invariably I move away from the right spot. In the missionary position, it involved a lot of wiggling about to "find" the spot that works for her. Sometime she gets a bit disappointed as I move and she looses it. First time it happened for her was really weird as she sort of went scarlet from the top of her head all the way down her body. I though she was allergic to something and going into anaphalactic shock, she was freaked as she'd never felt something like that on the inside.

I guess its a case of learning each others bodies and listening to each other about it.

Well, I'd suggest a conversation first- so he knows you haven't been orgasming with him but neither you or he thought that was a big deal until recently? - I'd make it clear that it is a big deal...and that you wanted to put that at the forefront of your sex life from now on...
What about oral? Wouldn't that work?

I get my DH to sit in the corner of the sofa and lean back a bit, then I grind rather than bounce.

Oh and my DH lets me take over when I'm on top. He doesn't thrust

Meant to say that the best way for me to achieve an orgasm through PIV is in the missionary position with one leg or two legs over his shoulders. Not sure what happens but I think it must hit my G-spot or something. The other way is me on top when we are both sitting and as PP's have said it involves a lot of grinding and wriggling to find the right spot.

I've never had any trouble climaxing from PIV.

Dont just lie there and on top does not work, you need his weight on you.

Grab his ass and push it towards you and at the same time push your hips up to meet him. Grind your clitoris against his pubic bone in the process: never fails. For me anyway.

he would need to withdraw and spend 10+ minutes just focusing on me, by which time his enthusiasm has probably worn off and his hand has cramp 10+ minutes doesn't sound like a hardship. I'm sure he can spend that amount of time focussing on you for your pleasure?

My DP will spend up to an hour making sure I'm completely satisfied before he allows himself to get too far into it. Obviously there is some time amongst that when we are both receiving/giving, but it is mainly all about me for the first 3/4 of an hour. He enjoys doing it for me and it makes him feel good to be able to make me happy.

Your DP needs to see it as his role to make sure you are completely happy before he gets his own and loses interest.

Wow, this is all very enlightening! I will certainly be trying a conversation along these lines so let's see where that goes. I guess, once you've got into a particular way of doing it, it's hard to make a change. I did try to talk to DP last night but he says he thought that women got some kind of "release" from PIV even if they didn't reach orgasm, so didn't always need to come (?? I'm a bit baffled by this)

Are PP saying that sex usually takes 1hr+??

Oh and, re oral, I can't get into it with DP at all. He has bitten me quite badly a couple of time previously when trying it so I think now I am just too damned nervous to relax. Plus there would need to be some sort of actual rhythm, and there isn't.

He has bitten you?
What?
Sorry, I'm shocked. How has he bitten you quite badly during oral?

Sorry I couldn't respond to the other bit. Your dp believes that women get a release from having a penis inside them that's different from an orgasm? What a conveniently selfish belief for him to have. Maybe an ex girlfriend told him that to appease his ego when he was equally bad at making her orgasm.
And no - sex doesn't need to take an hour (though if you have the time and inclination there is no reason why it shouldn't) 20-30 minutes is usually more than enough for a satisfying session.

He's an idiot. Sorry.

I think if you want change, you're going to firstly have to retrain his selfish or ignorant mind-set.

So he's bitten you badly and there is no actual rythm when he has bothered to go down. And he is totally selfish when it comes to PIV. No wonder you're having a hard time with your sex life, none of this is your fault at all. It's nothing to do with your (lack of) ability to orgasm, it's understandable you are quite nervous about letting him focus on you. He's very bad in bed.

Do you actually fancy him? Do you look at him and think "Wow", I do with DP still after many years together and we are compatible in bed. This should be normal in a relationship.

Ask yourself, are you genuinely and truly turned on by him?