to be ridiculously excited to have just booked tickets for a swinging club for NYE party?

[goodcompany2]

First time without kids on NYE in 7 years and excited!!!

Sansoora - a self confessed large lady in this very topic, (not thread) recently pointed out that she was able to get over her self concious body issues by swinging and was pleasantly surprised to find there's a lot of guys into the larger frame...

Brilliant. Fat women can have sleazy sex with strangers as well.

Damn right they can.

Sansoora clubs are all shapes, ages and persuasions. Something for everyone. I'm quite partial to middle aged paunches! It's their sexiness and confidence and 'sassiness' (spelling? that's is the attraction of a person. Clubs even have BBW nights - that's Big, Beautiful Women where admirers of BBW know they will find lots of larger ladies as many men loves women's curves!!

and women love them too!

OP - have a fab time. I am quite envious (not "wired" that way sexually myself, but often wish I was, since as a rather dull late middle aged single mum I have to accept that my chance of getting into a monogamous LTR is zero, therefore my sex life is effectively over - I feel like if I was into swinging it would fit with the rest of my lifestyle and give me an outside chance of getting a shag! But maybe that's me thinking the grass is greener).

Thank you for explanations.

Lurcio, I know exactly what you mean.

I mean, where do women in our circumstances go? Not that Im looking. But I now exactly what you mean.

Recent first time swinger here
DP had wanted to try it for a while but I thought it would be really seedy and toe-curlingly naff. I was avery nervous and embarrassed about baring my wobbly post baby body (early 40s, had 3 kids and bit overweight) but at the same also worried that everyone else there would be 50 or 60 something sleazy guys who had dragged along their wives under sufferance.

I was very pleasantly surprised and relieved that at the club we went to ( Vanilla Alternative) there were quite a lot of attractive and well-dressed 30 something couples. Older people as well but part of a mix of ages.

The club itself has a "normal" bar area which you go into first -like a pub with a dance floor really, where everyone is fully clothed. then there is a separate area with the hot tub and play areas the owners show new people round and make them very welcome. We introduced ourselves (well I did ) to some people in the bar and chatted to them about where they'd come from, whether they'd been there before etc. Later we ended up getting it on with a couple we met in the hot tub. I couldn't stop grinning the whole of the next day and can't wait to go again-I'm a total convert! Don't knock it till you've tried it I reckon!

Sansoora/Lurcia, there are single people who swing too. Single ladies are always very popular! In your position I'd maybe try and find a friend in same boat to go with you to a club just for a recce-to check it out without expectation of doing anything. I'm so glad I got over my fear of going! ( several glasses of wine may also have helped)

Rock on, OP, you have my envy.

Soconfused, that you for the advice, but honestly its not something I could ever try. There really only ever was one man for me.

I was just passing the time of day with Lurcia and acknowledging the points raised because she did raise a very valid question. And who knows, maybe there are others out there who'll be glad of your reply

SoConfused glad you had a good time! It's not so scary is it? We're a friendly bunch generally!

I would like to say that there now been a few of us on here who have been to swingers' clubs and we've all been very positive about it. However, pretty much every post ( from people who've never been) has been met with derision, sneering and judgementalness, I don't wish to convince anyone that they should try it if it's not their thing, each to their own, but if all of us are saying the same thing, maybe we have something useful to say...?

I only keep pushing this and defending the lifestyle as I've found it to be a life enhancing experience, especially for women and would hate women to be put off at least trying it if it's something they're curious about. It can be very liberating and is a totally safe environment for women. We are subject to so much shaming and repression of our sexual desires and this is one place where you don't have to feel that way, but can be completely honest about who you are. We're not all cut out for monogamy but it's shoved down our throats constantly that's that is the only way to be as a woman.

Hey I wasn't sneery just genuinely curious!
And I wanted to know about the buffet because in my head buffets equate to bland ordinary birthday /Xmas tea. Not wild sex party.
Well I'm glad you enjoy your selves. I think if be super scared about sti's even if a chap was wearing condom I'd be incredibly nervous.

I want to know whether double dipping is banned.

Nearly every post hasn't been negative. There has been plenty of people that said it wasn't for them, but crack on have a good time.

Like I did.

It's not for me, but I am curious as to how it works and what goes on.

There's a reason most people admire couples who have been together many years and have been faithful to one another in all that time. There's a reason they are profiled in news stories every so often, because it is very special, and yes, I would say noble. Loyalty, fidelity, faithfulness are universal virtues to be celebrated and admired. Just because two people agree to throw those virtues out the window doesn't automatically mean they deserve our respect or admiration. Why in the world? They're not doing anything noble in the least.

There's also a reason nobody (except swingers themselves apparently looking to justify their life choices) holds up swingers as people to be admired or emulated. The term itself is cringe inducing. I feel for the children of these people. How proud they'll be when they realize mum and dad are "swingers."

Hear hear, Destiny's Daughter. I have never been naturally monogamous and have struggled with it for many years. Opening up our relationship has not been without challenges but it has taken our marriage to a better place.
I think it's very difficult for truly monogamous people to understand that swinging and polyamory are not about "cheating" on a partner.

I never called anyone ' mundane' myself but I get what SGB was saying. When you step out of traditional monogamy it's quite scary and you have to be quite strong in yourself to do it due to the amount of judgement you will receive ( more from women than men IME). It is challenging patriarchal norms as you are asserting yourself as an autonomous being who doesn't wish to be ' owned' and has your own sexual desires. This is v threatening to some people ( which is also the reason why a lot of people who do this do not talk about it). Monogamy is still seen as the ' only' way and to step outside of that requires courage. I can only say that for me I've found both the BDSM and swinging scene to be empowering of women, supportive and friendly.

It is challenging patriarchal norms as you are asserting yourself as an autonomous being who doesn't wish to be ' owned'

Voluntary monogamy is not being "owned". I'm there by choice and I choose to be there every day. I can leave anytime but I choose to be in this monogamous relationship. I really don't buy the patriarchy ownership argument.

Sgb didn't say that non swingers were mundanes

She is referring to the outrage and massive judgementalness about anything out of the ordinary...that is what makes someone a "mundane"

Personally, I can't get too exercised about stuff like this. It's not for me, I know that. I also can't help thinking that to a fly on the wall, the whole thing must look faintly ridiculous. But then don't most sexual practices when you really think about it ?

My biggest concern, if you call it a "concern" are around issues of coercion, either outright or very subtle. I have a feeling that some people are doing this stuff and convincing themselves it's really what they want. This also happens in monogamous relationships though. So, meh.

If swinging ever becomes compulsory, I will get a bit more offended by it

Yes the kind of reactions in this thread are why I am not "out" about practicing ethical non-monogamy. My close female friends who know mostly find it a bit odd and think that this is a prelude to divorce.

Interestingly it seems more accepted by younger people, and in the gay community as, in particular, gay men have confronted this issue head-on. Dan Savage is a bit of a hero of mine!

Mundane isn't even a noun is it? How can you even be 'a mundane'?

Hence my " " ☺