Porny Expectations - do you find men's attitudes have changed?

[LoisPuddingLane]

I watch a fair bit of porn, although I'm more into the naturalistic stuff. No bouncy ball tits, fake nails, that sort of thing. I like hair. Proper orgasms. Anyway...

What I wanted to discuss was whether the unrealistic nature of much mainstream porn has affected how men respond and react in sexual situations. I don't have a lot of sex these days (old) but the last time I did, I really noticed a very porny style to the guy's behaviour. As if he'd watched a lot and thought it was normal.

Things that see to be considered "normal" in a lot of mainstream porn:

1. An expectation of no body hair at all.
2. An expectation of effortless female orgasm.
3. Along with that orgasm, gushing lots of "cum" (pee?)
4. Easy and expected anal.
5. Expected "gagging" oral.

Have you also found these things creeping in to real sex?

PS I'm not a journalist. Just a nosy cow

1. An expectation of no body hair at all. - yes. I went home with a guy who professed to be really into me, unplanned, when he saw my week's stubble on my legs he was visibly taken aback
2. An expectation of effortless female orgasm. - no, haven't really noticed this.
3. Along with that orgasm, gushing lots of "cum" (pee?) - same guy as hairy legs asked whether I was lying about orgasming because it didn't feel wet enough. I have never secreted liquid on orgasm.
4. Easy and expected anal. - definitely had more men recently going for that area as if it was automatically on the menu
5. Expected "gagging" oral. - not noticed this but have noticed an expectation of oral. I do not like this expectation.

No doubt porn has influence modem sexual behaviour.

I've not yet had anyone comment on my body hair unfavourably (mainly minge, I'm not very hairy elsewhere) but I know that in the porn world, hairy fanny is a fetish these days, which strikes me as odd.

And no I've not really much trouble on the orgasm front. Why I thought of this was that I watched a cam girl on xhamster and one of the blokes asked her if she'd really come because there was no liquid. It seems a bit fucked up to me if they expect liquid. I've never produced much of anything.

I've definitely had a lot of badgering for anal. And one bloke tried the oral-gagging thing and got very short shrift.

Another thing is men holding themselves apart and at a distance like they do on porn - obviously for the camera angle. But in real life there aren't usually cameras...

And the flipping you all over the place because lots of positions are how you have sex, apparently. I don't mind changing pace and position but not when I'm just getting into it...

Holding themselves apart? What do you mean? Sounds gross. Yes to the position flipping too, annoying.

Oh I mean not being physically close. Holding their bodies away a bit so you are only actually touching at the genitals. Which is about as much fun as it sounds.

I think there is so much variety in porn nowadays that its hard to define what is mainstream. Many videos contain none of those things you mention.
The squirting thing is difficult to judge as it is something some women actually do, and are often embarrassed about. The hairy legs guy was perhaps simply ignorant in this regard.

Some women do squirt (although none that I've been with) but it seems to me that it's become a thing that is treated as the norm in porn. A lot of the squirting on porn things is highly choreographed and unrealistic anyway. Like she has one of those big water guns up there.

Having only had one sexual partner since leaving a 23yr relationship.... I wondered if it was me and being used to what I was used to. Only really the position flipping I find a bit annoying... He hasn't attempted anal (tho I wouldn't mind if he did). I'm hair free anyway as seeing my own grey minge would turn me off regardless of what a guy thought !!

I think porn has provided a wider menu of ideas that men would like to try, rather than a script of how it should go.

Another thing is men holding themselves apart and at a distance like they do on porn - obviously for the camera angle. But in real life there aren't usually cameras...

That sounds amusingly tragic. But it could also be that they are enjoying the more visual aspect of the experience themselves.

The thing I'd say here is its ok for anything to creep into real sex if you are both into it.
I have fake boobs and nails and I do a lot of stuff with my dp that most people would consider porny but the fact is we talk about it a lot, try stuff out and watch porn together and ultimately have a laugh with what we do.
We also often have 'vanilla' sex and both scenarios work for us.

I guess that's the thing - if you are both into it. But guys will often try things without consultation, or badger (sorry, that word again) for anal. I had one guy going on and on about can we do anal after I'd been with him once. Didn't see him again.

@ water gun

I think as soon as the internet became mainstream and in particular available on mobile phones, then porn use rocketed. I think no hair is almost expected nowadays in the younger crowd from what I have heard. I don't like the flipping bit either!

Ive been lucky in that none of the decent blokes ive shagged (only 3, small sample) havent had these expectations. The arseholes were abusive and were rapists and therefore they may not be typical, but they certainly were more into the idea that those "norms" must be met.
Most recent guy, my nice ex, has tried pretty much everything you can think of, but when it comes down to it gives zero fucks about body hair, dislikes anal but appreciates that it involves a lot of prep, considers female orgasm something that requires work and careful attention to what his partner likes, and is very respectful when recieving oral, not even touching me without asking, certainly not shoving my head down or thrusting and appreciates a slow, sensual blowie rather than the porny, sloppy, fast, gagging throat fucking thing. I dunno if thats unusual, but i really enjoy being with him sexually, and feel more confident and comfortable because i dobt feel the weight of those sort of expectations, which were very much placed upon me by stbxh.

But he's an ex? He sounds lovely!

I think porn has raised men's expectations and puts pressure on people to preform more than just vanilla sex.

After coming out of a 12 year relationship and starting to have fun with other men I have noticed there expectations seem very high compared to when I was dating years ago. I feel a bit inexperienced when asked to do some things, some things I had never heard off or never considered doing.

I think a lot of porn contains ladies who can squirt, it seems to be a big question asked by men now 'can you squirt ', not very many women actually can yet men expect it as they have seen it in porn, it's probably become a mans dream to find a woman who can.

As for the body hair, I have met men that hate hair and others that find it a big turn on, personally I find sex better with no hair.

That's interesting - nobody has asked me the squirt question yet but clearly it's out there, this new expectation. And it can only have come from porn. I started my sex life in 1977 and nobody had heard of that then.

Not sure how much of a new thing it is, I am one of the few that can do it and when it first happened I had no idea that woman could, dh ( now ex ) had to google it which brought up a whole load of porn sites, it seems to be a big thing now days for those who watch porn. When I started dating again I was worried sick about it happening but it seems most men enjoy it, it does put extra pressure on women to preform though, it's hard enough for some women to reach climax at all.

I think years ago people expected sex to be like something from a romantic movie, hot, steamy, passionate and what people now call vanilla, now it seems to be based on porn, how many positions you can do in half an hour, anal, sex toys and bondage .

Lois its complicated. The sex remains lovely though

What about bum slapping? Never was a thing until the last five years or so...

From my conversations with younger female friends, I'd say:

Yes to - expectation of no body hair at all and expecting anal/anal being more normalised

Porn-watching men do, ime, seem to have a fascination with the gushing cum ie. 'squirting'

Not sure about the rest.

What about bum slapping

Oh yes, everyone's supposed to love a good spanking now. Someone slaps my arse they get the death stare.

Pagalee, that's kind of sad although pretty much as expected. I am glad that pubes are having a bit of a resurgence in popular culture. Simply because I find the "ew hair is dirty" brigade so tiresome. And yes, I've heard that. Pubic hair = dirty. Nothing dirty about my flange. (Chance would be a fine thing).

When i came out of my marriage i was pretty surprised by the whole sexting/photos of erections that were expected! But my first encounters with new blokes were fine. But when i met current DP he gently asked me to 'go bare ' down there (i was neatly trimmed) then he talked about anal ( no thanks, does nothing for me) and then he promised to make me squirt (eye roll x 10) the thing is he did!! It only happens occasionally and doesn't feel as good as a clitoral orgasm. Anyway he learnt the 'technique' from porn it then lead to a frank discussion regarding his porn consumption. He'd been single, and pretty hurt by his ex, for over a year, so he'd got all these new expectations from porn ! I then 'taught' him how to give me a clitoral orgasm and he was amazed at how quiet i was . Thats because thats a real orgasm !!
As an aside i was quite disturbed when talking to some teenagers about their expectation for A to M and threesomes, and wanting to ejaculate in a girls face thats when i remember what a mysoginistic load of bollocks it is

A to M?

Ass to mouth