What do you consider to be vanilla?

[quirkycutekitch]

And what's the next step up from vanilla & has it got a name?

[GhettoFabulous]

I am of the opinion that there's no such thing as an inherently submissive or dominant act, it's what's going on in your head that makes it so. I've had plenty of sex which on the face of it looks vanilla - missionary and so forth - but add in a powerplay and it's anything but.

I'd also go one further and say that for me there's a distinction between kinky and deviant. Maledom, bondage, s and m to me is kinky. Ageplay, edgeplay, consensual non consent is deviant.

Having categorised myself as deviant, there's things people consider vanilla which I won't do. I will occasionally lick a penis if I'm in the mood but I don't do blow jobs and detest semen near my face. I will not have fingers or sex toys inside me. I also won't do anal.

I think it's important to note that there isn't a linear progression from vanilla to kinky. Boundaries are so important. Doing one thing doesn't imply or give consent to anything else. And having clear conversations about your boundaries prior to intimacy is key.

[Janethegirl]

Certainly I'm not keen on semen on my face either.

[minkGrundy]

It makes an excellent face mask.
And if you smear it on your forehead it tightens up those wrinkles like botox

[HappenstanceMarmite]

I'm quite a fan of pearl spectacles myself

[GhettoFabulous]

The smell gives me the boak. But then again I like ageplay as both babygirl and mummy, which I presume gives most people the boak.

[flora717]

"Vanilla" is a derogatory term used by persons who consider they have discovered something new and amazing rendering them so much more interesting in bed ;-) . Well I jest a bit. But not much. Yet to hear someone use it in a non derogatory fashion.

[IrianofWay]

Agreed flora.

[UnsolvedMystery]

"Vanilla" is a derogatory term used by persons who consider they have discovered something new and amazing rendering them so much more interesting in bed ;-) . Well I jest a bit. But not much. Yet to hear someone use it in a non derogatory fashion.

I think it's all down to the interpretation of the reader. I don't consider vanilla to be derogatory or dull or boring. It's just a description of the type of sex that most people do most of the time. People like different things, that doesn't make them more interesting or better, just different.
It's not the term "vanilla" that makes someone come across more superior, it's the way that they use it. I do agree that some people do use it that way.

I love vanilla sex. I also love kinky sex. The only person whose opinion I care about is my DH. I'm not trying to impress other people but I would like to see people more able to discuss these things without judgement. I have found far more negative responses from other people on sites like this, when I have discussed my enjoyment of things like anal sex. I have been told that I am doing women a disservice and that it's a derogatory and disgusting act, so the criticism goes both ways.

[flora717]

I can't really help my experiences of how the word has been used in my hearing at events I've gone to.
I think the habit of "grouping" a range of activities under an umbrella term is going to lead to that label carrying judgemental weight.

[NinjaLeprechaun]

"anal is not vanilla!"
It is if you're a gay man.

And if it's good enough for them then who am I to say I'm too good for it?

There are things I'd consider vanilla that I don't like, so I wouldn't do them, and things that decidedly aren't vanilla that I do like, so I would.

[Eekaman]

Not so fast you Ninja... :)

My cousin is gay and has been with his terrific partner for over 20 years, they don't do anal, so anal isn't vanilla for them...

The thing I love about this thread is the diversity of range that people see as vanilla / kinky. Very interesting to see such scope.

[MovingonfromMartin]

I was trawling through MN last night whilst searching for something and ended up going to some of the early pages on the sex board. I started to have a read of this and couldn't stop. It's hilarious! I was trying to laugh silently and failing at 1 in the morning. I know it's from 8 years ago but it's funny how some things have changed and yet many haven't!

[BisonGrassVodka]

Erotic is the use of a feather.

Kinky is using the whole chicken!

[MovingonfromMartin]

Yes this was one of the responses given ⬆️⬆️⬆️. I was choking on my Cointreau at that point!

[chipndip]

Tbh, vanilla is just a label thrown at those who don't really have any kinks and just enjoy a good fucking. Kinky really just means indulging fetishes.

In my experience as a sex worker, there's vanilla and everything else -

Vanilla
Cuddling
Kissing
Sexual intimacy
Mutual masturbation
Oral sex
Vaginal sex
All sexual positions

Some also consider the following to be vanilla
anal sex
deep throat
Face fucking
facials
foot fetish
rimming
sex toys
pegging/strap-on

Everything else (not an exhaustive list)
Biting
Duos/group sex
Degradation
DP
Gagging
Scratching
Spitting
Vomiting
BDSM
Water sports
Hard sports

And indulging fetishes

[Estherpologist]

@chipndip I'd like to take issue with "Kinky really just means indulging fetishes."
Kinky is generally defined as being sexually aroused by things that are not biologically sexual. Fetishism is when those same things are required for sexual arousal. The latter is a widely over used term.

[Sophie1980]

Missionary or spoons. Vagina only. and gently and kind.
Rougher sex, But agreed boundaries, and BJ or hand job and swallowing is getting adventurous

[Orangeanddemons]

Some also consider the following to be vanilla 
anal sex
deep throat
Face fucking
facials
foot fetish
rimming 
sex toys
pegging/strap-on

They are not vanilla by any stretch.

[chipndip]

@Estherpologist

@chipndip I'd like to take issue with "Kinky really just means indulging fetishes."
Kinky is generally defined as being sexually aroused by things that are not biologically sexual. Fetishism is when those same things are required for sexual arousal. The latter is a widely over used term.

Am referring to a specific context - sex work and how these services are viewed therein. Many use kink and fetish interchangeably, and many refer to themselves as kinky and fetish-friendly.

@Orangeanddemons Again, am referring to sex work. The most popular sexual service is a vanilla GFE. However, what comprises vanilla varies. Some sex workers and punters view all those things as vanilla, others do not. Even for those who do, some include them in their price per hour, others charge them as extras.

[Frenulumetta]

Wtf is age play? Sounds like an excuse for something illegal and utterly repulsive to me correct me if I'm wrong

[shamelesschocaholic]

When I turned 43 I had a bit of a midlife crisis and my husband and I started swinging. We went on a site called fabswingers. We also went to sex clubs. It was really liberating and a real turn on to feel desired again

[Opentooffers]

All this just goes to show that 'vanilla' is interpreted in a variety of ways, depending on what an individual considers is their level. So the term only works if you take it as meaning PIV and nothing else. Otherwise, it becomes subjective.

[Wakemeup17]

@Frenulumetta

Wtf is age play? Sounds like an excuse for something illegal and utterly repulsive to me correct me if I'm wrong

Age play is pretending to be a different age than you really are. It's nothing dodgy if done with consent and respecting boundaries of both parties.

[Cakencookieobsessed]

@Wakemeup17

Age play is pretending to be a different age than you really are. It's nothing dodgy if done with consent and respecting boundaries of both parties.

It is if someone's pretending to be a child. "Baby and mummy".. They need locking up whoever posted that.