Hi All,
once again- thank you so much for all the helpful advice. So very much appreciated.
Just thought I’d send an update as to where we are.
So firstly, for context, I’d sent many emails in the weeks leading up to my original post (months actually, I have tried to deal with this in previous school years etc). My aim was to address the issues and also get him out of the cycle of the detention merry go round (via improvements at school, not ‘get him out’ of detentions!). All emails unanswered, although I mainly sent these to his form tutor. I appriciate they are busy so have tried to be patient. Dispite the fact that they had emailed me and called me many times (which is why I was at my wits end).
The friday before my post. I sent an email to his pastoral lead, unanswered.
I d sent a follow up on Tuesday. No reply.
I tried to call. They said they would call me back. Never did.
We got to Wednesday this week and my son could not eat his breakfast. Felt sick etc. Turns out, his first lesson was French. I said I would take him to school after his French lesson. He looked so relieved and thanked me (no celebration, he was genuinely thankful). I emailed the attendance office email address as per protocol and was honest in the reasons why etc). We went to school, stopped off at the Bakery for some pastries which he ate in the car and I dropped him at school. (I don’t agree with my actions nor condone doing this again, but I needed to do something!)
It certainly made everyone sit up!
I had phone calls from everyone and was thankful for a long conversation with his pastoral lead. They agreed to remove him from French in the short term and allow him some breathing space in other lessons if things are getting hyped. She has identified that she doesn’t think he can deal very well with negativity (I agree) so they are working on how to inject positivity rather than constantly batting him over the head with sanctions that clearly make him spiral throughout the rest of his day. She also noted that over 70% of his sanctions derive from 2 subjects.
He will not be in a French lesson for the next 4 weeks. He will be working independently which he is more than happy about.
I have also spoken to his French teacher who will be having a meeting with my son to try and clear the air. His teacher mentioned he feels there is a group of children in his lesson in-particular that quickly hype each other up. It’s not a good mix overall. All my sons Sanctions involve multiple other children. He is not alone (not that it makes it any better, but I think it’s important to note) Equally, he says my sons seems to take sanctions extremely personally and at times doesn’t not appear to know what he’s done wrong/ realise he’s chatting. We have discussed moving him to another class in the longer term as this teacher is convinced my son just hates French as a subject (that isn’t actually true, he hates his French lessons).
We cannot remove him from Maths for obviously reasons, but I have had communications with his Maths teacher and am awaiting a face to face meeting with him. He has said in the short term he will lay off the sanctions and replace it with short chats with him. He also noted that sanctions do not work for him and break his confidence. He sees him physically give up in lessons. Interesting, he also identifies the group he has is not a good mix of personalities.
I feel this ‘break’ from the cycle has had a huge impact on his attitude towards school dispite the short timeframe. He says he feels like a huge weight has been lifted. The last part of the week was incredible. Zero sanction points and 2 emails from other subjects to say how well he had performed in lessons. (Wow). He even gave a full presentation in Geography to his class.
Re SENCO- This has not yet been discussed in detail as I needed to deal with there here and now first off, however we are looking to have him assessed privately to see if there is more to this. I have a follow up in place with pastoral to discuss this as clearly he needs some support, even if this is purely down to how negativity is having an effect on him- that’s obviously no way to go through life. Pastoral have noted that this might be a good idea. There was mention of his mind running on overtime which is often why he misses instructions or misses that fact he was talking in the first place and then feels so strongly that something was ‘unfair’. To be continued….
In terms of him calling me and texting me, we talked at length as to why. He said he feels I’m the only one who will listen and support him when he feels something was unjust. He also said it helps ‘get it out his head’. I’ve reiterated that he doesn’t need to call and let’s save it for after school especially when he gets in a pickle for calling when he’s supposed to be in lessons. I can’t remove the phone during the day just yet due to bus/ after school activities etc but he has kind of listened (ish!).
He’s has text twice this week. Once to tell me a bird pooped on his head (again!) and once to let me know a friend was upset so he was helping him. I haven’t replied to either message and continue to remind him to tell me after school. That said, I have kept the lines of communication open in the fact that if there is an emergency or if he really really cannot find anyone else to support him, I am absolutly always there. But, if he can wait until after school that is much better. He has called me everyday on the way home. I’m hoping in time, that will be the new normal.
So once again, thank you. I certainly feel a little better this weekend as he’s feeling positive. Time will tell where we end up but I’m thankful the school have listened and he seems to have taken this ‘clear slate’ to move forward positively.
funnily enough, as the school work on an accumulation of sanction points system for detentions, he has another one next week. My cheerleader routine continues until we can break this cycle.
Thanks again x