11+ 2025 support thread #3

[Pipsquiggle]

Starting another thread

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/secondary/5415616-11-2025-support-thread-2

Thank you😊 Stratford also nearly same with 4.6 miles (straight line) with the marks 371. Too much anxious more than the result waiting until March. Fortunately DS got good marks for 4 and there is a high chance to get it in sale. But we are preferring urmston due to the commute

Hi everyone, just out of curiosity, does anyone know or have an idea what the top 20 scores might look like for this year in urmston? I am wondering how the overall high scores are shaping up this year

Hope everyone is doing well. I’m really struggling with my mindset right now. I’m wishing we could go back in time and my daughter had done more. We only used a tutor for a matter of weeks in y4 then just did ourselves. She didn’t pass for the choice of the one we wanted but has passed another school - she’s barely over the pass mark.

What is really upsetting me and annoying me the most, which I hope some of you may be able to understand, is that I have this disappointment but I have a neighbour who is constantly hounding me for information! Just for context she knew in the summer we were getting ready for exams but still kept sending her daughter to play with my DD. If I said no the daughter would shout DD’s name until DD heard her and looked out of the window then refused to do any learning. She was such a distraction. I told the mum about her exams so there was no excuse if her not knowing . her DD is 3 years younger than mine.

Yesterday the mum texts me and says “well done to (dd name) I heard she got a place at (school name that she just passed for), can you tell me everything you did plus when u started”. This lady really annoys me btw so that might be affecting my reaction to her. I called her up and told her clearly that DD hasn’t got a place but she replied with “she must have as she told me!”. Everytime she sees my DD she interrogates her. Am I BU letting her affect me so much? Can anyone else relate? I’ve been up all night annoyed that she was congratulating me when DD most likely won’t even get in. I just feel she makes me feel I’m lying when I’m telling her DD hasn’t got a place and we won’t know till national offer day. She does this all knowing smirk that irritates me when I tell her the facts.

@Tea4216I hear you! The 11+ is stressful enough without an annoying neighbour breathing down your shoulder. It’s so hard to keep a 10 year old focussed, your neighbour should’ve held back her DD or maybe texted you to check rather than send her over. My DD is done with her exams but neighbour’s daughter is sitting indie ones until end of this month. I have been refusing to ask/text whenever DD says she wants to play with her friend. I’ve said she can in December but until then she has to not cause distraction.
its difficult that your neighbour is directly speaking to your DD and adding pressure.
Unfortunately not sure what you can do other than the Mumsnet favourite remedy to move

I don't think anything is irrational or unreasonable when it comes to this kind of situation. Even putting aside the distraction issues over the summer, the way people who fundamentally do not understand the process blithely make comments about how someone has obviously got a place or whatever is extremely annoying. I'm assuming your DD has said she "passed" and the neighbour has taken that to mean everything is fine, not knowing how the system works at all.

FWIW I still haven't forgiven one of the kids' grandparents for her eve-of-results message saying she'd bought DS a present as a reward for passing, and when I replied that he hadn't yet she sent some cheery emojis and something about knowing he obviously had because he's so clever.

I've also spent a couple of months avoiding an NCT friend whose DD passed the Bucks 11+ who keeps doing the "oh well, it just shows that a grammar isn't the right place for your DS but he'll do well wherever he goes" bullshit.

I was really protective of our time during 11 plus I let everyone know that we had a strict schedule and we'd be our normal social selves once it was done. Im not one to mince my words. I also tried to tell as fewer people as possible that we were sitting exams. Then I noticed some parents would get their kids to ask my DS. I really don't enjoy people in my business. Just set it straight with the neighbour, very proud that your child has passed but that's not a guarantee of entry as the competition has been particularly high this year so we're managing expectations as a family.

Maybe just reinforce with your child too. That they worked hard and passed but you're still waiting to here for a place and here are your other options.

March seems so long away !

@Tiredlady1 @DolphinOnASkateboard @FitnessIsTheOnlyWealth thank you so much for understanding and replying. I was feeling embarrassed posting that! But I’m so glad you understand.

I know it’s irrational but I hate that woman so much. I remember seeing her one day in summer and asking her really nicely that we are studying that day and DD won’t be free. She did a smirk and said “okay we won’t be bothering you” then she stormed off and I felt like crap the rest of the week. I can overlook the child’s annoying behaviour as she’s a kid but the mother seemed to have zero empathy for my stress and kept adding to it and now expects me to help her out! She’s been hounding me for advice etc, I just don’t even want to see her face right now. I’ll be glad once national offer day comes so I can put all this behind me and regardless of the outcome I can look to the future.

@Tea4216 are you a people pleaser? It sounds like you are.
You need to stop feeling guilty for saying 'no' to unpleasant, selfish people.
I also think you need to stop aiming your exam disappointment on this woman. I just don't think it will be helpful to you in the long term.
If you do genuinely still think this woman (& her DC) was the root cause for your DC not passing this exam, then this is your wake up call to enforce boundaries with these types of people.

@Pipsquiggle i think you might be right x

Does anyone know when the local appeal (is that what’s it’s called) outcomes will be released for Stretford and Urmston?

We did the local review 2 years ago. We got the results for Stretford by email on 6/12 and for Urmston by letter at the end of November. We had a positive result for both but I would assume they send the positive and negative results out together.

Did the schools not give you a date they'd have the outcomes to you by this year? Two years ago both Urmston and Stretford gave a date (Urmston stuck to it but Stretford extended it by a week or two - they did keep updating us on progress via email though).

Good luck anyway. I've been there and I know what a long wait it is!

No, they just said 3-4 weeks, so it should be before Christmas. It’s actually for a friend - it must be so stressful having to wait all over again after that awful wait for the results as well.
If you’ve been through it before, do you happen to know whether ‘winning’ the local review then gives a 334R pass mark, and therefore the child is in the same boat as anyone else who passed with the initial results? They are within catchment for Stretford, so hopefully getting through this review positively will mean that they will get a place at Stretford rather than having a third agonising wait until allocation day.

@BdayQ Ah that's annoying. But yes, if you're successful you receive a 334R mark and you are in the same boat as someone who passed with full marks in terms of getting a place! So if your friend is within catchment for Stretford they will be fine 😊

Thank you, they will be very relieved if it hopefully goes their way. So grateful we aren’t having to go through it, I don’t think my nerves could take it!

I wonder what state the Korean version of Mumsnet is in right now...

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c3w792x0ggyo

I got a headache just reading the first question!

I heard Stretford review came out yesterday! hope it was good news for your friend.

Hi all, not sure if anyone still uses this page, but I’ve started a little FB about surviving the 11+ from a parent’s point of view. It’s called Tea, Tears and the 11+ and it’s full of honest stories, tips, and the occasional panic-induced tea spill.

It's a place for parent's to vent and know they're not alone.

You won’t see my real name anywhere — that way I can be completely honest about the ups, downs, and ridiculous moments of the process.
If you’re curious, here’s the link: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61586705323078

Bucks selection review result is due at the end of this week, Friday the 13th, FFS. I seem to have spent a lot of the past six months waiting - waiting for the test, waiting for the result, waiting for the review... Should it be successful we'll be 99% sure of which secondary he's going to. If not, and I'm not hopeful, we'll then have yet another wait for national offer day to roll around.

Good luck Dolphin. I was thinking about that when February rolled around as I remembered that's what you said.

It's been quite a 6 months hasn't it? Sadly my mum died just before Christmas (if you remember she was unwell around the time of the tests, though luckily we got those out of the way before everything took a turn for the worse). So it feels bittersweet that I won't get to tell her the final outcome for DD, but she knew that it was either going to be Latymer or Henrietta Barnett. We should find out on national offer day but I suppose there's a world in which she's on a waiting list after that. We'll be happy with either though so pretty relaxed now. Next stop: 6th form choices for dd1.

Crossing everything for you @DolphinOnASkateboard!
I’m so sorry about your mum @Magnificentkitteh 💐

Oh, good luck, Dolphin!

Fingers crossed for you @DolphinOnASkateboard

I know a few going through SR and it's been a long old wait.

Remember you from the other thread - best of luck @DolphinOnASkateboard .