If money wasnt an issue

[Swan2019]

Would you send your kids privately?

Struggling with the decision. We have a good local state school and are in catchment, it's enormous though. I feel that they'll survive it rather than do brilliantly there.

Have inherited enough money to send kids privately without worrying about it.

Would you do it? Is it worth it?

I absolutely wouldn't.

My siblings and I were the poor kids at private and it's not great. We also then had no real financial support when it mattered for uni, house deposits, cars and driving lessons.

I'm much more bothered about helping my dc with house deposits and attending uni and don't want to use capital just to get them through school. We use disposable income to supplement with tutors, sports and music and things like theatre trips, holidays and days out.

Even if there was enough money that this balance didn't have to be struck, I can see that mine have gained a lot from going to their local state comp. They have shorter days, local friends and a real sense of how lucky they are.

Their school isn't amazing but it's fine. I think getting good grades and doing well there shows they're making good choices and maximising opportunities, even in the face of disruption and that in itself is a good thing.

Private schooling really didn't make a significant difference to my sibling set but I know financial support in our twenties really would have. That's the trade off I'd concentrate on.

Oh, I agree. But we were in a privileged position either way to be able to consider spending that sort of money on education, and we made a series of considered choices which meant that this was the outcome.

To be frank, if I’m spending £40k on anything in a year, I’d rather it was a long term asset (property in the catchment for a desirable school, for example) than something I only have nebulous control over (the outcome of my DC’s education).

These replies are brilliant, thank you so much.

To respond a little bit:

Yes, the grandparents who left us this money would be pleased that we'd be choosing to spend it on education (rather than cars / holidays etc..)

Yes, we will still have an extremely comfortable life. Yes, I know we're very lucky.

Yes, we will still be able to help the DC with university / house deposits etc when they're older. This 'school fee' pot of money is completely separate. We've already paid off the mortgage.

Yes, the private school we're looking at is academically excellent but also well rounded. Lots of music, sport, extra curricular activities. It doesn't give off a posh / snobby / exclusive vibe.
I wouldn't be concerned about my children turning into posh tw*ts, mainly because I wouldn't I let them...

The state school that we are in catchment for is OFSTED Outstanding.
It is massive. Two thousand plus students..ten form entry. Every class is a class of 30. It's a lovely school though.

Kids are bright and able. They aren't off the scale, but doing well at primary school. There's a small amount of coasting going on.
I'm most interested to know whether they will do 'better' with a private secondary education, rather than continue to coast...

I WOULD expect more of my kids if we were choosing to spend this money on their education. Is that a good thing or a bad thing?

I WOULD hope for confident, well rounded, happy young people who are able to hold their own in the world at the other side...

I’d go for it in the position you just outlined. Having high expectations is not a bad thing.

@Swan2019 we chose independent gor secondary as local state secondary options are truly dire plus DD is academic but lazy.
It is hard with VAT but we are really happy with the choice. Sport 4 days per week, she's won an academic scholarship for Yrs 9-11 and is maturing into a kind, thoughtful and confident young person. She's had opportunities she wouldn't have had in the state schools and has grabbed each one.
The only downside is the negative attitude displayed by some MN posters. In the real world no-one cares where you send your DC to school as long as they turn out to be decent human beings.

Then why are you considering a worse option at all?

Dd1 was a coaster at primary school, always did well but not exceptional. She went private for secondary and as the academic level was much higher she started to put more effort in. Ended up with all A star gcses, A levels and read medicine at Cambridge. She is 34 now.

Difficult to say, good friends of ours sent there DS to private school from primary , same age as our DS, yes he did lots of fancy things that ours didn’t, learnt fencing for example, far more adventurous school trips, but did he actually leave with vastly better qualifications and go to a better university, no. It doesn’t automatically guarantee success. Have you asked if they would want to do it

Depends what you want from education.
I'd pay for an alternative style private school like Summerhill or for tutors and groups for home education.

Yes I would. Mine have finished school now and both did well at a Comp. Both were happy at secondary. One was happy at primary, the other not so much. If I could have given them the best, then yes I would have. They both got AAB at A level which is good, but they probably could have done slightly better at private. Both had missing teachers in year 12

Yes, i'm pretty confident that they'll come out with better results if we send them privately.
The state school is good and they wont do badly there, but they'll do better in smaller classes with more attention.
I'm not so bothered about results though. Bright kids will do well in both of these situations. It's more about nurture and opportunity i think.

Pit money aside, and the idea of private vs state.

Which school do you think will benefit your children more and where they will be happiest? Which school to they prefer?

It depends on the schools- we have grammars locally so they get the high achievers. There is one private secondary which gets pretty awful results-there is no way I would pay tens of thousands to send a child there.

@howshouldibehave yeah, it isn't that sort of situation.
Comp is a comp in a very affluent area. Private is academically selective.

Agree. Send them private.

@Ubertomusic because it isn't a terrible option.
But yes, i don't know. We should just go for it - that was the point of this post.

No, I would never send my children to private school. I think a two-tier schooling system is hugely detrimental to society. I also think that "best" and "most expensive" are not the same thing. Supporting and encouraging your children with schoolwork and other interests is more valuable than throwing money at private education.

Finance wasn't a complete non issue but we have a fairly good lifestyle. So for us it came down to what was the state provision like, local secondary school was not great, so ultimately we decided to send to private. Don't regret it for a minute, and thankfully just about to come out of the other end as son in the last year.
In your position it sounds like you have a good state option but if you have concerns around your children and the number of other pupils then I would definitely go private. It is an individual choice though.

Easy to have high morals if you have access to good state schools. Not all of us are that privileged.
Would you put morals ahead of your DC well being or education if their state schools were horrendous/they were being bullied/your DC had SEN which local state couldn't accommodate? Or would you then put your morals to one side to best support your DC?

I dream of a flexible boarding option, it would make work travel (and maybe even a weekend away) easy.
But otherwise I prefer a good big school to a small one. More options, more people, more support. Small schools are tricky if you don't click with the cohort for any reason and privates tend to be smaller.

Yes I would. Doing otherwise contributes to the issues of "good vs horrendous" schools, that's the whole point. Schools, children, and teachers are all better off with a heterogeneous intake.

So you would purposely disadvantage the education of your children just because of some misplaced misunderstanding of what independent schools are?
I find that fascinating as it's alien to me as a parent that another parent would do that.

"Heterogeneous intake", you mean like the state schools around us which are 98-99% white British Vs independent which is around 76% white British?

We have first hand experience of three very good state schools, one top grammar, and three private schools including one super selective.

The main difference I could see is building confidence, resilience and competitiveness. No comp is focussed on that as they're usually overwhelmed with so many issues nowadays, even in affluent areas.

IMO private education is not really about exam results, it's more about developing personality and character.

Local state schools have always been an issue for us. The only good ones were faith schools, and because my sons are Hindu we were discriminated against. I could afford private so that’s the option we took.

my eldest had his choice of sixth form, and there is no faith based criteria, two extra years of private is a drop in the ocean at this point regarding fees, so let him have free choice. He opted for the local state college and is absolutely loving it.