If money wasnt an issue

[Swan2019]

Would you send your kids privately?

Struggling with the decision. We have a good local state school and are in catchment, it's enormous though. I feel that they'll survive it rather than do brilliantly there.

Have inherited enough money to send kids privately without worrying about it.

Would you do it? Is it worth it?

To me this is the same as asking if money wasn't an issue, would you choose to live in a nicer neighbourhood, live in a nicer house, ride a nicer car, buy and eat organic, go on more holidays etc. Of course I do!
Except that providing quality education for my children is much more important than anything mentioned above, which is why people like me chose to go private even if that meant having to sacrifice some aspects of life.

Money is an issue but I don't regret the decision to do private for a second. The only secondary school they would reasonably get into has <50% getting a pass in both maths and English GCSE. I don't call that an education.

We had the choice and chose to send our children to the local comprehensive. I don’t regret the decision at all, even though there was sometimes disruptive kids in the school. When I look at friends’ children who went private, they are far more entitled and judgmental whereas my DC are far more resilient, empathetic and understanding of people from different backgrounds, and with a far stronger work ethic. Depends on what sort of people you hope your children will develop into I suppose.

I think you have to look around them with your child, and with their strengths, development areas, personality etc in mind. I find the privates are more bespoke and flexible to your child, they focus on the individual because the ratios enable them to. Children don't get lost in the same way. The smaller class sizes are a massive bonus (especially if your child is quieter), the facilities are great if your child has a specific interest in a sport/music/drama too. Also have a look at extra curricular opportunities and trips and the wider curriculum options. The reality is, teachers are pretty much trained the same way, and actually a lot of state school teachers have amazing skills because the thrive in the busy classrooms and manage the additional paperwork required for ofsted etc. Also the national curriculum ensures children reach a general age-appropriate standard, whereas the privates don't have to follow that (sometimes great as they can delve into different things, however, my friend's child joined a state in year 3 and they found her reading and writing was a whole year below the national curriculum level- because the private had encouraged creativity and outdoor learning rather than striving to hit a certain level in traditional areas).
My children are more introverted, want to focus on learning, are often anxious and because of that we are looking to private schools as that environment suits them better. It really depends on your child's needs/wants and how you all feel about the individual schools, as they all vary a lot. I'd focus on the specific schools locally rather than state vs private.

Maybe I'm odd but I wouldn't send my kids private even if I won EuroMillions tomorrow.

Obviously if your local state school is terrible and you have plenty of money that's a logical choice. However we have an excellent state on our doorstep where all their friends go so why would I whisk them off to a place where they only mix with a narrow section of society and many of their cohort have eating disorders / self harm etc etc because of the pressure. Pp who says they aren't all super rich people because some people pay fees through Grandparents or inheritance makes me chuckle.

I went to a very high performing private school - basically because my parents wanted to think they were the kind of people who sent their children to a very high performing private school. I didn't hate it... It was great in many ways and I had a wonderful education but I don't think I emerged very rounded and always wished I had friends locally. My DCs are thriving at their school and I'm v happy with our choice.

What with cost of living etc now I'd think you'd be better off in nearly all cases to invest the money for their house / Uni etc.

Of course it's hugely subjective.

From a financial angle, my view, which of course not everyone shares, is that I'd rather help my children after a-levels than before. Sending them to a good private school is no guarantee that they won't need financial help afterwards, that they'll be able to buy their own property, etc. I would consider going private only if I could still help them financially after 18.

From a non financial perspective, I would weigh the academic pros of the school vs the risk of being in a bubble which is unrepresentative of the real world. No, not every private school family is millionaire, but the fact remains that there is less diversity in private schools than in state ones.

There’s a lot more to this than just money. I do think investing in education when young is a better gift to your children than inheritance when they’re 50(?). One of my children has a fully funded place at the most amazing independent school, less than a mile from our house. It is a completely different world. The whole ethos is completely different. We are now trying to work out how to send the others! We have outstanding schools locally and so much choice within a 3 mile radius for both primary and secondary, but I’d still choose this private school. But you have to decide if it’s worth the sacrifice on other things. Often, there’s a longer journey time and friends aren’t local. Journey is not an issue for us, it’s actually our nearest secondary school and a lot of the other children live locally or in the next town 10 minutes away so they can still socialise out of school. We can easily go in for assemblies or coffee mornings etc. The difference between this and our catchment secondary is just not comparable. Although, this school is quite unique and not like other indies. I can’t see how any family wouldn’t choose this school if they had the chance!

We chose private (although DS2 has a part bursary) because DS1 has a range of SEN and learning issues and the local state options would have been damaging beyond belief. It's too outing to even start talking about what is going on in the secondary school in our catchment because it's been in the news many many times over the years. We are relatively rural and the other options are not great.

12 years on, it's increasingly tough and we are making considerable sacrifices. But I would honestly home school before I out DS1 into our state school. My parents live abroad and we have started discussing moving the DCs to attend that school and I would go with them and rent for a bit, because it's getting rapidly beyond our means and where i am from the government subsidises private schools particularly for SEN children because they have the brains to realise that this can help alleviate pressures on the state system.

if we had a great state school option there is no way we would have chosen private. No way. But we don't.

I was sent to private at 11, was horribly bullied, and hated it. I chose local comprehensive for my DC.

Will depend on the schools. I like private because there is something for everyone in terms of values and ethos and (assuming you meet selection criteria) you can exercise choice.

I have bright children who theoretically will do well anywhere. But there were a couple of miserable years in state primary because of terrible behaviour which wasn’t addressed, and high teacher turn over so they didn’t cover the basic curriculum. Moved to a non pushy prep and they both soared academically and socially.

We decided to stay private for secondary - had a decentish state secondary but there’s more risk. Had the same issues popped up in secondary they’d be more serious to manage. If it were just about the best academic outcomes then options were strict and pushy.

Our private is the opposite. We can afford it but live modestly whereas some of their friends are mega wealthy, but that hasn’t caused issues as parental values are similar to ours. Somewhere more relaxed works well for the girls who are thriving with a wide happy circle and succeeding academically (I’m happy with the 10 7-9s predicted, rather than 10 9s which might be the outcome at some of our other local private options). That’s the best start I can give them I think, but it does all depend on your local options and what you value in education.

Interesting

my daughter went private from 3-18. She has a lot of non- private educated friends and is the least entitled, most empathetic one amongst them. She is way less stuck up - at work mixes with everyone, at school the diversity was way more than the local school. She is far more accepting of differences to her state educated friends. The local area is less than 3% ethnic minority. Her school, over 20%.

she does a lot of voluntary work - her friends, unless they get paid for it - it ain’t happening. She is exceptionally hard working

I suspect parenting has more to do with the differences than schooling. Don’t get me wrong, her school had its share of entitled b*hs but I don’t think private - entitled, state = empathetic, hard working etc

We haven't (still have a couple to get through schooling) but I recognise we have been incredibly lucky to have two very good secondaries as options.

DS1, DD1 and DS2 thrived at one (DS1 is going into a level year) whereas DD2 thrived at the other and DD3 is thriving at the other now. The nearest private school is very average in terms of private schools so it was a no brainer.

We may have more of a dilemma in years to come as we have 3yo DN living with us since his Mummy died and she was very strongly pro-private schools and I'd like to bring him up as much in line with her wishes as possible. But it would be massive for me to send a child to a school I feel isn't as good just because it's private.

No, I think if I had that kind of money private schooling wouldn’t be the first thing I’d think to spend on. Not convinced it leads to better outcomes tbh. I think I read that parental engagement and commitment to education is a better predictor of educational outcomes.

How utterly judgemental
We did make some sacrifices to send our dc to private school, and they have also turned out to be awesome, resilient ( and a couple of them in particular have really needed that characteristic post school) polite, well mannered, empathetic and can work with people of all backgrounds. Oddly enough the people they have stayed friendly with from school, and the parents we have also are the same.
i teach at a state comp and can assure you whilst we have loads of delightful students who fulfil all the characteristics above, there are also large numbers of ignorant, arrogant, judgemental and downright unkind children.
Ludicrous and frankly ignorant to suggest that these attributes are a private/state divide.

Yes,
but not boarding school, and I’d chose carefully.

It depends entirely on the specific choices you have available. Where I live we had a very good state option and the local(ish) independents, though not bad, are not particularly inspiring and are also longer journeys. They didn't have any significant advantages over the state school and definitely weren't tens of thousands of pounds a year worth better. I wouldn't have wanted my children to go to boarding school and they weren't interested either, so living where we do I don't think I would opt for private no matter how much money I had.
However, had the independents been exceptional or the state school poor then it would have been a very different story. I would have lived on value baked beans for the rest of my life if it was necessary to avoid my DC having the same kind of experience at school that I did. You need to compare all the options that you realistically have opened to you and try to place some kind of value on anything that is better in the private school, but also weigh up what else you could spend that money on. We felt we could easily compensate for the few areas where the state school wasn't as good by utilising out of school opportunities. But you need to look at the specifics. Other people's experiences won't necessarily correlate with yours.

@Barbann122 When I look at friends’ children who went private, they are far more entitled and judgmental whereas my DC are far more resilient, empathetic and understanding of people from different backgrounds, and with a far stronger work ethic. Depends on what sort of people you hope your children will develop into I suppose.

Exposing your children to a wealthier and less diverse environment certainly has risks, but you seem to be generalising, in a way which many would find shallow and offensive. Single cases do not mean much per se.

Yes, I might.

It would depend if the private school offered subjects that the other options didn’t and I thought it would be likely my child would want to study them, at least to gcse level. Though of course interests change anyway, there’s no guarantee.

Our local private school offers both Latin and Italian. My Dd would have loved to study both, she would definitely have put that school as her favourite all things being equal.
She went to the local state and actually ended up studying Spanish and classical civilisation for A level, so not quite the same, but as close as she could.

If money was no object, the private school was probably the better one for her, but we couldn’t afford it, not a chance.

I would say sport or music or drama facilities might be another reason - my Dc wouldn’t be interested in those though. Although you can also access those things outside school, I suppose.

My younger Dc is more interested in science, which is well taught at local comp, so no curriculum-based reason to even consider private.

I personally wouldn’t pay all that money (even if I had it!) just for smaller classes, or a smaller school population, unless there was a specific reason why my child wouldn’t cope in a larger school.

Ds went to a public boys school. He could have gone to our local comp but I was worried about bullying (he's ND). Anyway he is 22 now and I asked him what he thinks he'd be like if he'd gone to the local state school. He told me he'd be very different eg he wasn't very sporty at primary school but at private he found sports he enjoyed eg rowing, fives. He also said he'd probably have given up violin (he was grade 2) and not taken up piano. At private school he was lead violinist, in a jazz band and got to grade 7 piano. CCF was another thing he enjoyed, he probably wouldn't have joined the local cadets for various reasons but he was head of his ccf in y13 and a Lord Lieutenants cadet. Ds had speech delay and had a one to one in primary school. He got a distinction in his LAMDA public speaking grade 8. Academically I think he would have got the same grades.

If money is absolutely not an issue, by all means go private.

However, I think that money is still an issue even for the majority of private school families (so talking top 10% or so of families income-wise, but not multi millionaires). It’s not because they can’t afford it, but rather that there are other and possibly better uses for that money. Already people are struggling with cost of living in university and early years of their careers, if not more. It’s hard to set aside a large sum of money for long-term events, but that’s where my extra money would go.

I would send state and in fact do send state, as long as the state schools are reasonably good. I have some friends who send private and their kids have done very well but I strongly suspect they would have done very well at state as well given they are bright and have hands on involved parents.

My children attended prep school until they were 13, then transitioned to state school for the social experience. I still pay for tutoring because the teaching doesn’t quite match the same standard, and disruptive students get away with too much.

Parents should have the freedom to educate their children as they see fit, without judgment from others—whether they choose state or private schools. Yet, state school parents often seem to dominate discussions, fueled by a sense of superiority.

The way some talk, you'd think private school involves gold carriages and tossing around £50 notes. Reality check: many parents make significant sacrifices, cutting back on everything else to afford smaller classes or a specific curriculum for their kids. Shocking, right? People making different choices for their children?

Here’s a thought: private school parents could unite to advocate for stopping their taxes from funding state education. They’re often criticized and undervalued while contributing to a system they don’t use. Meanwhile, state school parents can sometimes come across as entitled and overly concerned about how others spend their money.

On a related note, I’m all for VAT and taxes being applied evenly. If private education and healthcare are taxed as luxuries, then other luxuries should face the same treatment. Let’s be honest, imported goods and food are undeniably luxuries too.

I probably would but only if I also had the money for the annual ski trips, multiple holidays, designer clothes etc like the other families and kids will be doing otherwise you’re children will stick out like a sore thumb!!

If your local secondary schools are terrible or you don’t have the option of a very well performing grammar/comp nearby then yes I’d go private.

Not all private’s are equal mind you so it would have to be a very, very good private as well.

If I had a good comp/grammar nearby I’d put my efforts into getting my child into that because there is now a growing trend of aversion towards privately educated and what’s worse is if you do average or below average yet your parents paid for your education.

As for networks, well let’s be honest that for a very small and completely different tax bracket of kids who can tap into those connections.

School dependent. I did a year in provate and it had no advantage other than no bullying over the 3 other state secondaries I went to. Education was prob worse