If money wasnt an issue

[Swan2019]

Would you send your kids privately?

Struggling with the decision. We have a good local state school and are in catchment, it's enormous though. I feel that they'll survive it rather than do brilliantly there.

Have inherited enough money to send kids privately without worrying about it.

Would you do it? Is it worth it?

That's not the case for all. We didn't even had a single UK holiday when I was in private, noone knew nor cared. Def don't remember anyone having fancy hols

@Destiny123 that it wasn't the case for you doesn't mean it's never the case for anyone!

Why are people always thinking that their limited experience must necessarily be representative?

Yes- I went through the private system, my children won’t due to cost.
I would only do it if it doesn’t impact, holidays, a decent house, activities etc.
I work in finance and I have seen private and state educated young people on work experience - the confidence that private school gives young people shines a mile off.

Absolutely not.

Yes I have done it and yes it is worth it. However, I live in an urban area where the state schools ( primary and senior) are , politely, poor and there are a lot of private schools. Off the top of my head there are 4 in walking distance, and another half a dozen within 10 miles!

In your position, with funding not being an issue then you need to consider which is the best school for each child. It may be the comp. It may a private school. I can only speak of the private sector, however having been around a lot every single one of them is different. Sporty, arty, musical, academic, not academically selective etc. However what they all have is a total commitment to fulfilling the potential of your child (and that is different for every child) , providing them with a breadth of subjects and opportunities which are not available in the state sector ( whether that be a focus on music, drama, languages, sport etc etc) and educating "the whole child".

So,I would say you need to go an look at the schools locally, see what you think and then decide.

We did and I am SO glad. It raised some brows as DH and I are pretty left wing. But...I went to a shitty comp and suffered for it. I vowed my own DC would never have to endure that human zoo experience. (To be fair, my dad sent us to the local state school because he'd hated boarding school which was another kind of horrific human zoo, so I totally understand why he chose it - but it wasn't the happy place he imagined it to be.)

When we visited the local state secondaries, one was beyond the pale awful (another we didn't even visit got closed down, it was so bad) and the third which everyone said was brilliant reminded me so much of my old comp it made me feel sick. Also, I was really unimpressed by the state primary my DC attended. They let both DC down in so many ways.

At private secondary, DS1 got the academic and extra-curricular stimulus he really needed, and made very close friends. And DS2 who had complex SEN issues, was so brilliantly supported (and for free - no extra charge for weekly counselling and group social skill building, a full ASD/ADHD assessment worth ££££ and lots of extra academic support.) They both ended up getting Firsts from Russell Group Unis. for DS1 that was likely wherever he went but I doubt he'd have had so many friends or been surrounded by peers who admired and liked him for his strong academics and work ethic. DS2 could well have floundered academically and socially in a less nurturing environment.

There are a lot of people on MN who think private school is wicked as it is an unfair advantage. When I ask if their nice, spacious privately owned homes in safe areas, full of sports equipment, musical instruments, books, healthy food are also an unfair advantage they have never once replied.

We could comfortably afford private but we are in the catchment of a very good state school and ultimately we decided to go with that. We liked both, both had pros and con - not just the £££, but the private school had much smaller grounds (in the state school’s favour), the class sizes were 20 v 30 (in the private school’s favour).

I think it really depends. We live in an area where all but one of the state schools are good. And to put them in private would mean a journey of 3x the distance if budget was no object. DC went to secondary with some very rich families and some very poor ones. I don’t know many locally who use private. The only one I know sent child to a private but switched to state in secondary. Judging by the buses that drop off, only a few locally do go private.

Money was hard but we did send to private and honestly worth every penny. DS not naturally bright but the extra concentrated effort into him brought him to a level much higher than he could have had at a state school with big classes, he was always very characterful and always verging on trouble but it really gave an advantage - great results and able to progress into higher management at work. DD vey quick and intelligent and private nurtured this so she excelled far above what an overcrowded state school would have given her.

Yes of course you would. That’s a given. With the caveat that you send them to a good private school. They’re not all made alike. Some aren’t much better than a state so do your due diligence.

There are a lot of people on MN who think private school is wicked as it is an unfair advantage. When I ask if their nice, spacious privately owned homes in safe areas, full of sports equipment, musical instruments, books, healthy food are also an unfair advantage they have never once replied.

I don't understand this analogy? Not everyone who is anti private will be wealthy with nice homes, extracurriculars, plenty of food etc. and equally many who chose private will also have those things

We can afford private and we decided against.

We live near an excellent state comp where top sets do very well ant GCSE and A level, and there are very good music and sport provisions. The local private options for girls (which is what we have) are not top tier academically, and that would be the only advantage which made it worth an additional £20k a year/child. Obviously the comp is less polished and probably has fewer extra curricular options, but the money we’re saving on their education buys access to a lot of additional experiences and cultural capital.

I would but the best education/ experience (to network) I could afford.

I don’t see a school with poor sport or music as being good enough @Op1n1onsPlease That’s a dumbed down education. The best private schools just don’t ignore arts and sport. However that’s what people pay for. Their dc to have the chance to participate in a range of educational activities. Not just lessons for exams.

The bigger issues with eating disorders and pressure I see are in the state grammars. The independents are not all like this at all. However dc who must always be top are going to struggle anywhere. It’s totally bizarre anyone thinks dc MH issues are purely in independent schools.

Choosing independent as a new buyer requires an honest look at finance. What’s going to be left of the money ? Could you buy a house or give them a hefty deposit by not spending it? Can you do that anyway? Will they resent all that money on education if there’s nothing left? Can you afford the extras? You don’t need fancy clothes or car but there are school trips and music lessons!

Lastly, will you fit in? Would you be a happy parent? What are the local schools like? We were state until 11. Then boarding - DD1 loved this idea and we gave up an Outstanding grammar school place. Very different schools but the right choice. Independent suited DD. It was 1/3 the size and every child was known. DD2 went to a prep from 8. That worked for her as they actually had an art studio. She then boarded too. We were less than 1 hour from school and participated a lot in parent events when dd were involved in music, drama and house events plus choirs. So it worked for us but I had very engaged dc. The main thing is to know your child and know yourself. Do what’s best for all of you.

Hybrid is also an option. DD went to state schools until she had done her GCSEs, all Ofsted good. Her secondary school then suggested she apply to an independent school and try for a music scholarship. She wanted to do that and we could afford it. She got in, then applied, successfully, to Oxbridge. Although she did attend a Saturday music academy, she had no private tutoring linked to GCSEs, A level or Oxbridge entry.

I really understand why parents pay (small class sizes, smaller, calmer, individual attention, confidence building, extra curricula etc), and also recognise that we are lucky to live in catchment for excellent state schools.

For me, money is not an issue and the local State schools were underwhelming in terms of reputation, and GCSE performance. I sent my boy to private school. It was ok, and probably the only way he managed to get GCSE passes in 8 subjects as he would never have coped without low classroom pupil to teacher numbers (adhd etc). But staff turnover was pretty diabolical in the school so I did have concerns about the quality some of the time, and there were lots of hidden extra fees, like school trips and exam entry fees, that were not made clear at enrolment. It wasn't cheap, but probably worth it. My daughter goes to an online private school. I cannot fault the quality of teaching or school support. I would have sent my boy there had I known this was available back then.

My exact experience. I just wanted to stay with my friends from primary school. Lost touch with them all and didn’t fit in with anyone in my private school.

@SandStormNormonline schools are huge in the US. I don’t understand why they're not so popular here. I get they don’t suit every child but they are great for some kids. My US friend enrolled her daughter in one for the last few years of high school because she was being bullied and she absolutely thrived.

@OhDear111 perhaps, but you can easily participate in sport and music outside school and if you’re any good at those things you will be doing that anyway. Much more of a drag to have to eg get a maths tutor because your teacher only has GCSE themselves.

My local state school has outstanding academic results but less in the way of extracurricular opportunities - it’s an inner London comp. Cynically, as a middle class parent who can afford to supplement my own children’s experiences, I think my kids’ life chances are likely to be much better if they attend the comp as I will have much more cash to give them to set them up in adult life, they can do sport and music etc outside school, they will have an excellent education in core subjects and won’t be subject to any of the increasing anti-private sentiment for things like university entrance and in the job market.

Im lucky though because the comp is good and my children are self motivated and don’t have any SEN, so should do well there. It would be different if any of these factors didn’t apply.

Did I say it did/was?

@Op1n1onsPleaseLots of people are not either or though. Op might be but we weren’t. Our grammar is outstanding and always has been. It provides more than a core education by a long way but wasn’t right for DD1 and DD2 would not have got the 11 plus score to go there so that would mean a very different state school experience.

DD1 adored boarding. DD2 as well after a short time to find her feet. They really liked not travelling to dancing, choir, music centre orchestra, piano lessons, Brownies, swimming etc. We had a hectic primary schedule and one huge benefit of private senior school was doing everything, and more, at school with school friends. DD1 added string quartet, drama and LAMDA and by 15 had 10 extra activities. DD1 was a bit more streamlined! However we were all less frazzled and they still dance and sing as adults. Living with all the sports and lessons nearby is a luxury. Us country folk have to travel and it’s very time consuming. And both my DDs get on with everyone!

Were they as judgemental as you?

"We live near an excellent state comp" ...... sums it up. You are extremely privileged to be in that position.

@OhDear111 boarding is a whole different ballgame and not really even relevant to OP’s question.

It’s not something I would choose for my children if I had all the money in the world but we’re all different.

We struggled with after school logistics even in London. DD did sport, music and dance classes every day, some of the activities were 2.5-3 hours long, and she had homework on most days. The clubs were not around the corner either, it's very rare to have everything on your doorstep. It was a nightmare to get her from school to clubs then home, often stuck in school run traffic jams etc. I work for myself so at least was flexible but I don't understand what people mean when they say "oh but you can go to a local comp and have after school clubs and tutors if you need". Have they really tried? Or do they mean one short club per week? Who takes their DC to activities, do they all have au pairs? 🤔