Daughter denied prom attendance.

[Paul87]

Morning all, first time post for me.

my daughter has a long standing stomach condition that school have been aware of you some years.
unfortunately this has caused her some time off.
she has also had problems with bully’s focusing purely on her appearance.
the school took ages to finally resolve this only after we discussed moving schools and I had told them I’d be looking to hand this to my solicitor due to the ongoing issue.
a vicious circle really, the bully’s exasperated her stomach issue and the time off school made her fall behind and being behind in her work also exasperated her issue.

school said with a note from her doctor to explain this medical condition she would still be permitted to attend prom.
School has since told her, due to her attendance she will not be permitted to attend prom !

Am I looking too much into this or does it seem like she’s being discriminated against due to her ongoing complaint.
thanks.

Why do schools do this crap?
She should get all her friends to sign a petition to allow her to attend.

Yanbu

That is awful your poor Dd, I don't really know what to advise really I'd probably be letting the school parents /wider community how bad the school is ostrasiing a kid with a medical issue.

They'll probably back down if you talk to them and point out all of the stuff mentioned in your post.

@Paul87 this might sound cheesy but I would contact your local paper.
Schools hate bad publicity.

I was coming on to suggest the same.

This is awful. Prom should never be contingent on attendance, regardless of the reason. Shout loudly about this and absolutely take it further OP. Why on earth are schools so cruel 😔

I like the petition idea too if she thinks she can get people to sign!

Yeah, I don't have kids that age, and we didn't have prom in my day, but isn't it something that's held at the end of the year when they're leaving anyway? So, it seems pretty pointless to exclude them from it.

Threaten to go to the media.

Before you escalate this, call the Head of Year, explain the situation and ask him/ her to reconsider. If you get nowhere, call the Head.

If you make a reasonable approach with the facts as stated here, I’m sure they’ll reconsider.

Yes this is sensible advice .

Thanks for the input, it seems like one power mad member of staff, I specifically asked the head to deal with my issue and not forward it to this member of staff.

Iv raised my concerns with the head, he has communicated well but has now decided to respond via letter, and won’t tell me what the letter says. I’ll have to wait and see when the post lands.

I’d contact head of year. Ours was always absolutely amazing. These are definitely specific circumstances that require consideration

Proms are a nightmare though. Our school has ‘prom points’ and if you don’t have enough you can’t attend.

My son doesn’t have enough points for absolutely no reason - he has 100% attendance, good behaviour record - he’s actually rather a lovely lad for a teenage boy - made no sense.

But despite not having enough points, when I asked the teacher organising the tickets, she said he can attend. So why have the points in the first place as there will be lots of kids upset or disappointed thinking they can’t go

I don't remember my dcs prom having any sort of attendance rule with respect to prom.

Have any other pupils been stopped from attending?

That's really sad. I would be thinking about a formal complaint and escalating it anywhere I could, including the papers if I were you. My daughter's school may be excluding a few students based on behaviour but not any based on attendance. Her attendance is under 80% this year and under 70% last year for mental health reasons and they have been nothing but supportive.

So she’s being punished for the school’s inability to effectively manage bullying and her health condition? I’d be going to the governors and be absolutely fuming. How dare they take away her opportunity for such ridiculous reasons. The rules are generally to keep the naughty kids who will ruin it for others. That doesn’t apply here.

The school I used to work at did this and they were really strict about attendance and behaviour. It did work as an incentive but there were some pupils like your dc who were not allowed to attend.

My dc’s school did not have a prom but they had health problems similar to your dc so would have been in the same position. I don’t think it’s fair.

Will she be well enough to attend the prom. Tbh I am marginally on the side of the school. But appeal by all means.

@Viviennemary why do you agree with the school?
People can't help being ill.

You honestly think it's fine to discriminate against someone based on their illness?
And maybe if the school had fulfilled their obligation to deal with OP's daughter being bullied, she would have been in a bit more too.

I think I’d write to every parent in the school ( how I’m not not sure )

I would not go to the media this will make the situation worse. I would email the head teacher and copy in the governors with details about your concerns, once you have received the letter the head has said they are sending to you. Make sure you follow the school complaints procedure.

I assume you have a letter from GP regarding the condition, that you can share with the head and the governors. I would hope this will make them change their minds or realise their error.

I think my son's school have a 'behaviour' stipulation for attendance to the school prom. I've not heard a school saying no based on attendance only. If your daughter has a medication condition, then she shouldn't be penalised for it. I'd talk to the Head of Year or Senior Leadership Team.

Why do so many schools not only ignore serious bullying, but also design policies to actively discriminate against children with disabilities and medical conditions - often resulting in the disabled pupil being excluded rather than the bully? It's 2025. How do they get away with this?

I would be fuming. Your daughter is being discriminated against based on a medical condition. Just knowing about the prom exclusion will create stress and possibly worsen her condition. Make an official complaint. The school clearly has form in letting your daughter down.