Daughter denied prom attendance.

[Paul87]

Morning all, first time post for me.

my daughter has a long standing stomach condition that school have been aware of you some years.
unfortunately this has caused her some time off.
she has also had problems with bully’s focusing purely on her appearance.
the school took ages to finally resolve this only after we discussed moving schools and I had told them I’d be looking to hand this to my solicitor due to the ongoing issue.
a vicious circle really, the bully’s exasperated her stomach issue and the time off school made her fall behind and being behind in her work also exasperated her issue.

school said with a note from her doctor to explain this medical condition she would still be permitted to attend prom.
School has since told her, due to her attendance she will not be permitted to attend prom !

Am I looking too much into this or does it seem like she’s being discriminated against due to her ongoing complaint.
thanks.

This isn't an excuse, it's a reason.

Why are you on the school's side? How can it be right to punish a child for having a disability?

What has this got to do with being bratty?

It sounds like, if you work in a school, you really shouldn't.

And the law is the law. The school is hardly setting a good example about complying with the rules if it can't comply with the law, is it?

I would speak to HT again and let them now that they may be discriminating as your child has medical issues. Check your home or car insurance as if you ticked legal cover then you can ask them anything. It's well worth getting at next renewal whichever comes first. this y11 was the y6 of 2020 so didn't get to celebrate.

Also at my son's school, we joke that they have police for everything, uniform police at the door yet when you walk around the kids are not following procedure yet one time my kid couldn't find his tie on a monday morning he was given the walk of shame. Corridor police, toilet police, lunchtime police and w now have prom police. Told every day to behave or no prom yet the disruptive kids (not SEND) will go to prom anyway as the school is too scared to tackle those parents by saying no. It's a joke.

definitely challenge with everything you've got as the naughty kids will be there!

The problem may be that there isn't time to work all the way through the complaints policy unless the school and governors are prepared to expedite their responses. If the head endorses this decision then the complaint has to go to the governors anyway, and given the reputational risk to the school it would make sense for the governors to be involved from an early stage.

What I don't understand is if someone is too ill to attend work/school, etc, how can they possibly be well enough to attend a party, however special the party?

You have no option to wait for the letter. But following that, I’d get a solicitors letter sent over to the school stating you believe your daughter is being unlawfully discriminated against due to her known health issues and unresolved bullying inadequately supported by the school. The letter should cc the LEA.

It’ll cost a couple of hundred pounds but your DD will very likely end up going to her prom without the need for much further engagement. There’s nothing like a legal letter accusing discrimination to get people to back down and do the right thing.

Yep, our school have done this. Some parents had former out hundreds of £s already on dresses. They had an assembly at the start of y11 and had to vote on the acceptable amount of absences allowed before prom was revoked. It was actually quite a high number. Possibly included lates as well. When parents got an email today tickets were available on the app the kids had been told in person that day they weren’t allowed to go - yet - they were being given another half term to improve attendance. Weirdly my daughter’s ticket didn’t appear on the app to buy and I was fuming as she had no such absences - is autistic and refuses to stay off even when poorly but had maybe 3 instances where I’d made her stay off due to infection rule. Literally no detentions ever. The model child at school from parents evenings and reports. Contacted head of year and it turned out to be an admin error and her ticket appeared soon after. But many parents on the parent fb group were being told no tickets due to attendance. Not sure of any have got them back yet.

I’m a teacher but totally against this kind of thing and other rewards based on attendance. I work in sen and some kids can’t be in school, some are in intensive care but ofsted would still complain. This is where the attendance thing comes from - the pressure ofsted put on schools. I work with kids with mental health issues who getting into school can be difficult, autistic burnout loads or reasons. Absolutely hate punishing kids for things. Shine their control. A friend I went to school with had poor attendance. She was a carer to her mum who was wheelchair blind after a serious accident and then had other complications with health due to that. Thankfully attendance awards and proms weren’t a thing back then. But I’m guessing many children are in a similar situation nowadays.

Maybe they won’t be well enough, that still doesn’t justify them being banned from attending.

She’s not saying she’s too ooorly to attend now. She’s saying that she’s been too poorly to attend school on too many occasions this year to be allowed to go to prom. She might have good days and bad days.

I have bowel issues. Unpredictable. Possibly bile acid malabsorption as i have no gall bladder. I had to take more than the recommended dose of Imodium on the evening of 27 November last year so i wouldnt have to risk shitting myself at my dads funeral the next day.

@Paul87 Im disgusted by the way your daughter is being treated.

Did you get a doctor's note. With that, they won't say no.

If OP's child was so ill that she couldn't go Into school at all, pretty obviously this issue wouldn't arise. However, she is in a not uncommon category where she can go into school and does do so as much as she can, but at times she is just too ill to do so. No doubt she hopes to be well enough to go to the Prom. I don't see what is difficult to understand about that?

At my dc's school the leavers ball is arranged by the students, backed up by their parents in a hotel, the school wisely stay our of it.

This is disgraceful,unlawful, discrimination. A strongly worded email to the Head hopefully will suffice.

This is awful and I feel for you and your daughter.

I think an email to the teacher and head of year is in order. I’d be asking them to confirm their stance and the policy, especially on authorised absences for example. This should be a clear cut case.

Thereafter, a note to the headteacher and chair of governors stating that what should be a happy time has yet again been fraught by the school’s systems, approach and lack of sensitivity.

I am astounded at some PP who suggest going to the papers or rousing the troops. There is a child who has been bullied for something outside of their control and the media and commenters will most surely weaponise that. The bullies will likely point to further exceptionalism or special treatment - when they don’t need to know this is even an issue. The only decision maker here is the school - so getting them to see reason is key.

My DDs school used it as a carrot , we got a letter about three months before the prom says any significant misdemeanours would mean exclusion from prom (regardless of wether ticket had been purchased) they also did this with international school trips. It ensured a lot of Sen kids got excluded from these types of events. (Needless to say my autistic son will not be attending this school)

Do you not understand that the prom is going to be on a different day than previous absences? So illness on previous days does not mean she will be ill on prom night. Of course she may be and if she is she won’t go….its not rocket science.

as the mother of a chronically ill kid, with numerous official diagnosis I have lost counts of the days out that have been missed. Concerts missed, days on holiday spent in hotel rooms, plans cancelled for dinner, friends let down. It’s never ending and it’s devastating over and over again for the child involved. Nobody asks for a life like this.

I would imagine the schools take on this will be completely different which would put a completely different spin on this. I don't think anyone can give an opinion as this is mums version of events.

School proms should be a thing of the past. If some schools want to continue this awful event, at the very least they should not be acting in the way they have done with the OPs DD. On the basis of what is said.

I would hope a boycott of the event could happen in sympathy, though doubt it will.

It's a fluctuating condition. She may or may not be well enough on the day. If she is well enough she should be allowed to attend.

The equality act says that types of discrimination are illegal, defining discrimination as when a person with a disability is treated less favourably, because of his or her disability, than a person who does not have a disability. The Equality Act 2010 defines a disability as a ‘physical or mental impairment’ that has ‘a substantial and long-term adverse effect’ on an individual’s ability to carry out ‘normal day-to-day activities’. A substantial adverse effect is a negative effect that is more than trivial, and the effect is long-term if it has lasted or is expected to last for more than twelve months.

Education and early years providers have a duty to make reasonable adjustment for people with disabilities and failure to make reasonable adjustments is a form of discrimination. The Act covers all schools and providers of early years settings that are covered by the early years’ framework in England, including maintained (non- fee paying) and fee-paying schools.

https://assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/media/5ce6a72e40f0b620a103bd53/supporting-pupils-at-school-with-medical-conditions.pdf

Unacceptable practice

25. Governing bodies should ensure that the school’s policy is explicit about what

practice is not acceptable.

Further advice:

Although school staff should use their discretion and judge each case on its merits

with reference to the child’s individual healthcare plan, it is not generally acceptable

practice to:

• prevent children from easily accessing their inhalers and medication and

administering their medication when and where necessary;

• assume that every child with the same condition requires the same treatment;

• ignore the views of the child or their parents; or ignore medical evidence or

opinion (although this may be challenged);

• send children with medical conditions home frequently for reasons associated

with their medical condition or prevent them from staying for normal school

activities, including lunch, unless this is specified in their individual healthcare

plans;

• if the child becomes ill, send them to the school office or medical room

unaccompanied or with someone unsuitable;

• penalise children for their attendance record if their absences are related to

their medical condition, e.g. hospital appointments;

• prevent pupils from drinking, eating or taking toilet or other breaks whenever

they need to in order to manage their medical condition effectively;

• require parents, or otherwise make them feel obliged, to attend school to

administer medication or provide medical support to their child, including with

toileting issues. No parent should have to give up working because the school

is failing to support their child’s medical needs; or

• prevent children from participating, or create unnecessary barriers to children

participating in any aspect of school life, including school trips, e.g. by

requiring parents to accompany the child.

All this. The person most upset about my child not being able to go to school was my child! They already miss out on so much, they don't need school to then be making them miss out on more.

That's outrageous,your poor DD. Hope things get better for her soon.

OP, you haven't actually said if your daughter wants to go to the prom. Is she very much looking forward to it, or maybe worried about the bullies?