Daughter denied prom attendance.

[Paul87]

Morning all, first time post for me.

my daughter has a long standing stomach condition that school have been aware of you some years.
unfortunately this has caused her some time off.
she has also had problems with bully’s focusing purely on her appearance.
the school took ages to finally resolve this only after we discussed moving schools and I had told them I’d be looking to hand this to my solicitor due to the ongoing issue.
a vicious circle really, the bully’s exasperated her stomach issue and the time off school made her fall behind and being behind in her work also exasperated her issue.

school said with a note from her doctor to explain this medical condition she would still be permitted to attend prom.
School has since told her, due to her attendance she will not be permitted to attend prom !

Am I looking too much into this or does it seem like she’s being discriminated against due to her ongoing complaint.
thanks.

If her condition affects her day to day life and has or will last more than a year its a disability. So yes, it's disability discrimination. Is be sending a solicitor's letter

This could be a form of disability discrimination. She has a disabling stomach condition that prevents her from attending school. School must make reasonable adjustments for people with medical conditions so they have the same access to things as the people who do not share her medical condition. She should be allowed to attend Prom.

I hate all attendance awards. There’s a school I’m associated with that gives children sweatshirts with 100% attendance in massive letters on the back.

One of my DD’s friends broke her leg at school then they wouldn’t let her go to school because she couldn’t wear a school shoe! She would be allowed to go and do her work in the ‘isolation unit’ but not get any actual teaching so her parents kept her at home.

Then she wasn’t allowed to go to prom because of her attendance.

I can see none of the posters work in schools. I don’t think any of you truly appreciate how bratty your kids (and most of their parents)

Rules are rules. They’ve had a whole year of warnings and hoops to jump through at my DDs school to qualify for prom.

Why are you in side with the school. If a medical condition causes absence then it is a form of discrimination to ban someone on the basis of absence.

They tried to do this to DS2 who is a severe asthmatic and who had, also, dislocated and broken his shoulder in 3 places playing rugby for the school during Yr11. I was absolutely fuming, he was a good kid, never in trouble and very liked by his teachers.

I contacted the Equality and Human Rights Commission who gave me advice on what to write to the school. They, also, told me that schools should have 2 registers for chronically sick and disabled students so they can keep their absences related to those conditions completely separate. I sent all this back to the HT who basically wrote back saying “it’s my party and I’ll invite who I like” and then said DS2 hadn’t been off for his asthma. Unfortunately for her, I’d emailed the school every time he was off, citing the reason, and still had a copy.

I went back to the Equality and Human Rights Commission who again advised me what to say and told me they’d support me in any legal action I decided to take. This was sent in a, recorded delivery, letter and email to the HT. Within 4 days I had a letter of apology for the “misunderstanding”, a copy of a second register and of course DS2 could attend the prom.

Good luck with all this, it’s not right at all.

Bloody hell, that’s a bit harsh! OP’s daughter has a medical condition and has been bullied. How on earth do you reach the conclusion that she’s a brat?

@Paul87 it sounds as if school have really let her down. I would state facts in a letter to the head and head of governors. Point out how discriminatory they’re being and ask them to reconsider. If no joy with that approach get support of other parents / friends / go to the press.

Is it the actually the school staff organising the prom? Ours was organised by parents so school had no say in who could go and who didn’t.

I worked in a school. There's a huge difference between a bratty child and one with a disability who has been bullied.

I thought they'd have stopped this nonsense by now. I wasn't allowed to attend an end of term barbecue because my dad died and I had surgery a few weeks later so I didn't have enough behaviour or attendance points, that was 30 off years ago. I assumed schools were more clued into pastoral care these days.

Did you provide the GP letter as they asked? If you provided that then how can they ban her; she has medical evidence. Go to the governors or local authority and kick up a fuss.

Just so you know though, the word is exacerbated not exasperated (that’s a different word). I’m not saying that to be a dick about spelling; it’s just incase you send them an email to explain the situation. I didn’t want you to use the wrong word.

This is ridiculous, are you one of those parents who complains about the school on Facebook etc?

Oh god no ! But I'd tell people that I knew as I said I had no actual advice just I'd want people to know my child had been excluded

What ?
What has a child being ill got to do with that?
What a terrible thing to say.

There are some awful stories here but all these posters saying "go to the papers" and "write to every parent in the school". That's crazy and just makes you look unhinged. Far better to address with the head and from there governors and in extreme situation the CRE as a PP has said (terrible that you had to go that far).

good work!

Actually it can help sometimes.
A little bit of a school being embarrassed in public can make a difference to a ridiculous decision (refusing a child with an illness to attend a prom).

I can't speak for anyone else but I wasn't a bratty child. I was a perfect and school librarian. in the top sets never in trouble never had a detention. What I was was a traumatised child who lost her dad and the day after the funeral had major spinal surgery and had to wear a body cast for 9 months.

OP I hope you get it sorted for your daughter.. Instead of the barbecue mum kept me at home and took me out for a lovely lunch. I still resent the two teachers involved years later. A little bit of compassion goes a long way.

That's really shit of the school. Unless a pupil is very disruptive or a constant bully then I don't think anyone should be denied prom. This years cohort missed out on everything at the end of primary school thanks to covid. I hope you get it sorted for her.

My daughter has missed 18 months of school but was still given the option to go to prom. She isn't, obviously as she can't cope with lots of teens.

Did you provide the letter from the doctor? Seems very unfair to ban her based on attendance alone when there is a medical reason!

If you have a letter from her doctor get on the phone to the Head and tell him/her that you will be in touch with the LEA to discuss the obvious discrimination and then your next call will be to the local press and the DM.

I’m torn - I’m a teacher in secondary.

On the one hand some children’s attendance is awful and there’s always an excuse. My son had stomach and bowel issues, had hospital appointments, colonoscopies and was under investigation for IBD. But he still had over 97% attendance. He had a toilet pass in school and it wasn’t always very nice for him, he was also tired and deficient a lot, went incredibly thin at one point, but we (including DS) didn’t want it to impact his education or his grades, so we asked for half term medical appointments and he only stayed home when it was absolutely unavoidable.

At the same time though, I think prom is for all the children in that year group. Regardless of behaviour or attendance. They should all get to go, because they might not get another chance to participate in something like that. And they all have their beautiful clothes, fancy cars, salon perfect hair and makeup. So much effort is made. So I always give out way more prom point than I should, to make sure they all get what’s needed to go.

Ours is organised by pupils/parents so school has no involvement. Is this unusual and it's normally arranged by the school?

I think my son's school have a 'behaviour' stipulation for attendance to the school prom. I've not heard a school saying no based on attendance only.

Unfortunately I have lots of times as it is quite common, even when someone has a medical condition which prevents good attendance.

I feel dreadful for your daughter. Poor kid. I’m so sorry.