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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

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Original poster

Tiffin girls school

68 replies

igglepiggleadventures · 10/04/2025 10:28

Changed my username so it's not too outing.

Child has a place at Tiffin Girls school that we have not been able to reject yet.
She also has an accepted independent school place - not going to say where but really a top 10 school in the UK. Ranking isn't so important to us but we know she needs to be in an academic environment and stretched.

DH and I always thought she would be better placed in an independent school, she is quite relaxed and needs to be challenged. She is bright and resilient, but not competitive at all and as a summer born still quite immature and needs a nurturing environment. She needs to be told to get things done. At least as parents that's what we thought and why we accepted the senior school of our choice. She has been going to a private school since reception and we have been very happy with all the school had to offer.

However DD is not so excited about the independent school. She wants to go to Tiffin. I think it comes from peer pressure (because everybody thinks it's such a great achievement) and a close friend going too. Also logistically very straightforward to commute, so she doesn't understand why we wouldn't let her go there. I don't think she understands well what differences there could be between a state and an independent school.

School fees have always been a stretch but we still can afford it. The current economic climate does worry me because what if one of us loses a job? There is no inheritance or support we could get from grandparents.

WWYD? I don't want to lose a term's fee so if we change our mind we need to make it now.

OP posts:

Kuretake · 10/04/2025 10:29

Why did you apply to Tiffin if you wanted an independent? I'd think quite carefully about how much she may resent a long commute knowing she could have gone there. Ultimately it's your call though she can't stop you declining the place.

Original poster

igglepiggleadventures · 10/04/2025 10:59

@Kuretake it was recommended by our tutor to take the exam as a practice and see if she could get through stage 1 and get some confidence if she does. (I don't think this was a good suggestion as some girls we know actually lost confidence after not getting through). As it is a fairly local school we had visited the open evening and it seemed pretty good too, so I thought why not give it a try.
The commute to the other school isn't too bad either, though not as easy as going to Tiffin girls.
If she goes to Tiffin, would she resent me for not pushing her more to go to an independent school years later when she understands it a little better? That's my worry. I don't know how stretched the school is, and worry that she might get overlooked in the crowd.

OP posts:

Tiswa · 10/04/2025 11:09

Tiffin is a top 10 state school and one of the best grammars - if she wants to go there why are you looking at the alternatives?

what happens if you overstretch and then can’t afford fees or the prices rises and she ends up not being able to be at either.

i would sit her down and have a conversation where YOU listen to her points as much as she listens to yours. If she has gotten into Tiffin she is clearly switched on and knows what she wants

work out whst the differences are and decide together then there can be no resentment

everyone I know who has gone to Tiffin doesn’t regret it (DD didn’t actually decided the commute was too much so went for the far more local Sutton Grammar and has never regretted her choice)

Araminta1003 · 10/04/2025 13:34

Given everything you say (financial stretch, easy commute, what your DD prefers) I would go Tiffin, and save the money in an account (like an ISA) for her to use towards a future house deposit and her uni fees and maintenance.
She can blame you either way later on 1) for wasting money or 2) for not overriding her choice. Have an open conversation with her about it. Usually if a child knows what they want at age 10/11, they are quite determined and it all works out for the best. Do not underestimate an easy commute.
Most girls at schools like Tiffin are highly motivated and do well. You can supplement with extra hobbies and travel as well.

OhCrumbsWhereNow · 10/04/2025 13:45

Go for Tiffin.

You can always make a different choice for 6th form, or even re-evaluate midway through Y8 and switch back if you/she are not happy.

You will also have the funds to pay for 1:1 support in any weak areas and to do lots of additional enrichment and extra curricular that you may well not be able to do if you are paying fees. I'm not a big fan of being tied into whatever a school chooses to provide and while it's more faff, you can often get better extra curricular options outside school - and an additional friendship group.

It's also worth being aware of just how expensive university now is for parents (loans don't cover costs anymore) and whether you would be better to save enough that she could graduate debt free. In my opinion that would be a better use of money when you have the option of top level state provision.

labradorservant · 10/04/2025 14:01

You have got into a top grammar school. Most people would bite your arm off. They will challenge and stretch her. Even my local comps are stretching those kids that can be stretched for the gcse/alevels. Save the pennies and the stress.

lovekittens · 10/04/2025 18:28

I have lots of sympathies for you. An independent school would be more nurturing than tiffin’s at a guess. It looks like Tiffin is extremely competitive how do you think she will cope with that? I assume at an independent school if you lose your job you may be able to apply for some financial support or bursary?

There is a lot of hype about Tiffins and it is prestigious.

Wouldnt the independent school be as competitive as Tiffns if its in the top 10?

I think fit is very important.

BendingSpoons · 10/04/2025 20:08

At both schools she will be around a cohort of highly academic girls which will most likely encourage her to work. I think I'd be questioning whether the 'extra' offered by the private school is worth £200k, given that she prefers Tiffin and it is easier to get to. Although I do get that a 10yo doesn't see the full picture. Will she make use of the extra-curricula on offer?

whoopdeedoo · 10/04/2025 20:16

Tiffin all day long. Trust her choice. Save the money in a JISA. Move to indie if it doesn’t work out.

HighRopes · 11/04/2025 01:52

This bit stood out to me. Are you looking for a school that will be strict about completing homework to a good standard, will notice and deal with any lack of effort, and will keep you in the loop on every test result so you can push her if she’s not getting top marks? I don’t know if Tiffin will do that, and I do know that some private schools (but not all) will.

I personally chose to avoid a school like that, and I think it’s more common in boys schools than girls schools. But if that’s what you want then I think you need to ask parents about the culture of the schools you’re considering. A school which took a more ‘let the child make their own mistakes (eg not revising for an test) and learn from them’ approach would probably not be a good fit.

KittenPause · 11/04/2025 02:24

I’d have thought that if your DD didn’t get into Tiffin then you’d send her to the independent

but she did get in so it’s a no brainer

what on earth do you think will be better for her going to an independent as opposed to a top academic school ?

KittenPause · 11/04/2025 02:28

If the independent school isn’t academically selective then she won’t be pushed as academically as Tiffin

you are aware of this yes ?

BendingSpoons · 11/04/2025 07:31

KittenPause · 11/04/2025 02:28

If the independent school isn’t academically selective then she won’t be pushed as academically as Tiffin

you are aware of this yes ?

A top 10 independent school in London is presumably also highly selective and broadly similar in that way.

phyllidafosset · 11/04/2025 09:19

At this stage both you and your daughter are making a decision based on what you hope the school environment will be like. We all (kids and parents) make a choice based on our hope because until you are in a school, you cannot know how it will work for your child. There are so many moving parts including the friends they make, the cohort they are in, the teachers they are allocated. My DD started in a super selective girls grammar. For her, it didn’t work out as well as we had hoped (was also COVID). For other girls starting at the same time it was fantastic, and they have been very happy. We moved her to private. First was also not the perfect fit. Second has been the best fit. It is one of the UKs top girls independent. DD thinks at least some of the teaching was better in the grammar. But she is very happy (as far as is possible as a moody teenager) and that is the most important thing.

If I was you, I would 100% be going for Tiffin if that is your DD’s choice and it is closer, which really benefits friendships. You will lose 1 terms fees but save £60-210k. It is going to be a great school. She will be surrounded by brighter girls than at the private. (it will contain all of the very bright girls who cannot afford private and some bright ones who can), they will have a culture of work (which both schools will have). She is clearly very able. For my DD none of the environments have been hothouses, and I think that schools have moved away from that approach (based on my experience of two schools that are still sometimes labelled that way). My DD is not chased or pressured to work, and I wish she was a bit more motivated, but the culture of work does help and she does need to develop those skills herself.

If the Tiffin doesn’t turn out to be the right school for your DD then you will be able to move her at in Y9, likely to the same private school. It is MUCH easier to move from grammar to private than private to grammar in Y9 (or Y8).

555Stars · 11/04/2025 09:21

Honestly, just do what you think is best!

I remember my mum really didn’t want me going to the High School I had chosen and changed last minute! At first, I hated it & bonded w someone in a similar position. But, we got over it and had a great time. As time moved on I’m kinda glad I didn’t go to said HS bc I wouldn’t have done any work!

If you want something challenging and focused for her then go with the better option. Tiffin is ranked 6th in State grammar & 42 when ranked amongst State & Independent (The Times, 2025).

I changed my mind on which schools 2 days before the 6th deadline and there was some upset from DD for about 1 day. Now shes researching her new school more and is getting excited for it-she won’t know anybody there at all!

555Stars · 11/04/2025 09:29

Money doesn’t seem to be too much of a concern, so I’d continue at the current Independent school that knows her best/ send her to the top 10 school.

You’ve already invested so much into her education, so why stop now.

MidnightPatrol · 11/04/2025 09:31

I’d send her to Tiffin, and give her the ~£250k you save as a house deposit when she’s older.

FrenchandSaunders · 11/04/2025 09:33

I'd choose Tiffin. Your DD wants to go there, it's a top school and very difficult to get into, so she's done very well. Also it doesn't sound like you're loaded, so why pay when she has the opportunity for a great free secondary education.

Trumpsgoneloco · 11/04/2025 09:36

I always thought Tiffin was seen as better then most independents academically.

Trumpsgoneloco · 11/04/2025 09:38

A top 10 independent school in London is presumably also highly selective and broadly similar in that way.

I know a fair few who get into these but not the London grammar's every year.

Original poster

igglepiggleadventures · 11/04/2025 09:40

Thank you all, all great points.

The unnamed independent school is top in academics, of course less selective at entry (because not everyone can afford it) but has better output than Tiffin Girls so there is value add. There are quite a few schools like this in London.
Though I'm not just about the academics, because for that, I'm pretty sure for that both schools will be fine.
During the primary years DD had a lot of great opportunities in her private school, lots of encouragement for her to get out of her comfort zone and try different things. The school had a lot to offer in terms of music, art, sports and drama and much more - more trips, workshops, additional engagements with their own senior school and it was just fantastic. The experience has really been enriching and we've been very very happy about it and it's what I fear she will lose in a state school. Also as working parents it has been so straightforward to communicate with the school whenever there was a concern.
Of course money can buy a lot of those outside of school but there are so many I wouldn't even know to try offering to DD because I am not an educator. Also being encouraged by mum and being encouraged by teachers or peer group in school would be felt different to DD.
Hence DH and my preference for the other school.. it's just known to do all these things, at an even higher level than DD's current senior school (which is why we're not staying).

OP posts:

Original poster

igglepiggleadventures · 11/04/2025 09:48

I also worry the parent body at Tiffin Girls could have a culture too narrowly focused on academics rather than bringing up a whole child. I do sense it from some comments here..

OP posts:

Tiswa · 11/04/2025 09:52

For academics Tiffin will be much better - it just will it is academically that good.

Tiffin is hardly your average state school comp is it - and right now most importantly it’s where your DD wants to go.

here is the thing I suspect that if Tiffin doesn’t work you can move her to that independent school (or another one) because ultimately they are a business and they need the fees. Quite a few tend to have a 13+ intake anyway so you could easily move then

You can’t the other way round

phyllidafosset · 11/04/2025 09:54

igglepiggleadventures · 11/04/2025 09:48

I also worry the parent body at Tiffin Girls could have a culture too narrowly focused on academics rather than bringing up a whole child. I do sense it from some comments here..

You seem to have already made this decision. There is no evidence on this thread to suggest this. It is a rather offensive thing to say, to be frank.

I’m not sure why you posted because you have clearly already decided your DD should go to private so just tell her and let her get used to the idea.

Tiswa · 11/04/2025 09:55

Nope not at all - Grammar parents tend to be very focused on extra curricular options many come from private school primarys. Music/Drama/Sports/Science etc

Ultimately though if you don’t take into account your daughters views on this it will lead to resentment - by all means discuss with her but the one who has to live with the decision is her. Remember that

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