Son has been suspended for being five minutes late in total

[QuickAzureJoker]

My son 15 has been suspended from school until further notice 2 weeks ago he was 5 minutes late to school as he has to follow a one way system which makes it take longer to get to his particular class so he showed up minutes late and told to get out as soon as he walked through the door he then had to sit in a different room in silence missing the entire lesson just because he was five minutes late one time he was also given a 1:30 minute detention set for the next day he came home fuming about what had happened and refused to do the 1:30 detention as he said was unfair and over the top for one time lateness, as he didn't go to the detention it has been updated so that he has to sit in a room for 6 hours without talking just on a laptop doing work unrelated to his lessons for the day and he suffers with migraines so I think it will be a bad ideo for him to sit at the laptop all day and the fact that he is not allowed to go outside for break and lunch so when the day came last Thursday he refused said that it was still unfair and asked them to remove it and the head of year said "unfortunately that's the rules" he has struggled in the past to be in school and was put on a 8 week course to help him get back into school and for the last 2 weeks he was in everyday so that's why we think they should let him have some lenience around the detention especially as it was the second day of the new one way system and arrive in five minutes rule. As he refused to go and do the all day sanction he was suspended and is still suspended until further notice does anyone know what to do to get it removed or put in a complaint to chance the rules

Yes. Totally fair if he is behaving like a twat, as it seems he was.

Given he's needed to access additional support to re-enter education their approach seems very heavy handed and likely to set him down a path towards unfulfilled potential. I feel it's very short sighted and completely lacking in knowledge of how to support someone at risk of dropping out of education. I would complain to the senior leadership team on that basis.

You need, urgently, to acquaint DS with the realities of life.

Firstly, punishments (etc) can seem unfair, and might even be unfair. They can sometimes be challenged.

Secondly, it is counter-productive and unhelpful to cope with things under category one above by throwing a tantrum and failing to engage. Things escalate, fast.

You need to explain to DS that the 90 minute detention might seem disproportionate or unfair, but that the way to deal with perceived unfairness is to challenge it calmly and rationally. It is possible (and probably the best idea) to attend the detention which seems unfair AND ALSO to make representations to the Head of Year (or whoever) explaining that <insert reasons>.

Yes, punctuation is absolutely needed on the internet. As are paragraphs too.

If people don't use them it makes their posts very hard work to try and decipher. It also makes them appear stupid.

If you can’t be arsed to use punctuation then why do you think the rest of us should be arsed to try to understand what you’ve written?

Punctuation makes it easier to understand a piece of text, whether it’s printed in a book or it’s on the Internet.

Several people have clearly had trouble understanding your original post, e.g. not understanding what you meant by 1.30 detention.

Yes, can see where he gets his attitude from.

I can see how you would be frustrated, if he's only just been coaxed back into going to school, he's going again regularly, and now this chain of events has set his progress right back.

But none of it would have happened if he'd just copped the first detention on the chin. You say 9 other kids were late too - did they go to the detention?

He was suspended for refusing the detention, not being late.

Your son sounds like a nightmare( I'm being polite) I'm assuming by that aggressive post you also didn't complete education

Tldr

I don't understand the last part, who do you mean?

Unfortunately, your son has at least one parent who isn't willing or able to help him understand the consequences of his own choices. You're reinforcing the idea that he was suspended for being five minutes late, when you could have helped him to recognise that the suspension was a direct consequence of the decisions that he made.

It's fine for him to think that a 90 minute detention for being five minutes late is OTT. I would be inclined to agree with him. He could perhaps have respectfully explained the reasons for his lateness and asked for the punishment to be reviewed. He could have written a polite letter to the headteacher explaining why he felt the punishment was unjustified. Or he could have chosen to suck it up while complaining about the injustice to his mates. He chose instead not to attend. And that's fair enough, but choices have consequences and the sooner he learns that basic fact of life, the better.

You do him no favours by minimising the fact that, not only was he late, but he chose to miss the detention and subsequently the day in isolation.

Spelling, punctuation and grammar matter, even on the internet. One could argue, especially on the internet, where the majority of communication is in written format.

He's not been suspended for being 5 minutes late. He's been suspended because his refusal to comply with sanctions has led to suspension. 'Fighting the System' is all well and good unless the system can exact a price beyond that which you're willing to pay. If he pushes against a detention in the way he has done, he stands to lose a lot more than the school, which can simply suspend and even permanently exclude him at little inconvenience to itself.

If he had wanted to appeal against the initial detention, he could have spoken with a relevant teacher about it, explaining his reasoning. For example, is the route he has to walk between the two classes so long that every student walking that route was late, or does he have a physical health issue which means he requires adjustments due to moving between classes or going to the toilet taking longer for him? What he shouldn't have done or be allowed to do was get involved in a battle of wills where he stands to lose much more than he can gain.

At this point, he needs to just do the sanction and try to put it behind him.

Sounds pretty unreasonable to me.

Barring him from an entire lesson because he’s 5 mins late in the first week of a one-way system is hardly going to help his education. Then, looks like the 1:30hr one is a Head of Year. Followed by isolation of 6hrs. Then suspension. No need to escalate it so far without speaking to you. It’s non a blooming overdue parking fine.

This happened to my DC once or twice, who told me there were more kids in isolation than in some classes. One failed occasionally, at your DS’s age, to attend detentions, but politely argued their case and were let off. Or at least told to sit it the next day.

I’d complain via the school’s complaints procedure, which should be on their website. Set out reasonable arguments, as you have here, for the suspension to be lifted. If he’s been struggling to attend, they should be encouraging rather than excluding him, unless his behaviour is unacceptable in some other way (rude, non-compliant, disruptive etc). If he’s polite and well-behaved, a suspension is bonkers IMHO.

It’s important you’re very respectful about the need for their policies, e.g. if kids trail in more than 5 mins late to classes it disrupts the start of the class, eating into precious teaching time. It’s important he acknowledges this and shows he understands why they need this rule. And commits to allow enough time to be punctual in future. You may have to compromise, e.g. by him agreeing to the 6hr isolation. I’m sure they’ll let him have screen breaks to prevent a migraine, if he takes a book. And 15yo are generally used to looking at screens for hours.

Good luck.

So from your replies it's clear your son is not being punished in any sort of cruel and unusual way - other children have been corrected too.

But I imagine those other children just sucked up their punishments and haven't repeated the mistake. Your child on the other hand is being egged on by your belief he's above the rules and has therefore ended up in more and more trouble whilst, I'm sure, feeling righteous. In retrospect, now he is suspended, perhaps he can start to see he should have just done the detention.

I'd suggest you stop taking your child's word as gospel, go in and have a chat with school and see what can be done for you all to move forward productively - hopefully he will learn to accept discipline and you can support him in that rather than feeling he is more special than the other children.

No, parents can't parent, or are too bloody lazy to.

If he'd been on time or just accepted responsibility for being late he would have done a simple detention and it would all be over with. He doesn't get to decide if the rules are fair. Don't make excuses for him as this will only lead to his behaviour getting worse. Tell him to get on with accepting the consequences of his actions and to remember this the next time he thinks he can just do as ge pleases. Life doesn't work like that.

I'm a little shocked that parents are told that time out is bad and doesn't work but schools isolating students for hours on end is somehow okay ?

Whether or not the original detention was justified or not is hard to tell depending on the school layout and times. Schools can be unfair in how they deal with such issues. But none of that helps your son at this point, do you want to change schools ?

If not you probably need to ask for a meeting with them and discuss steps that would allow your son back into school, as this has escalated into something stupid.

I'm thinking this is the 15 year old using mum's account.

You broke the rules and got a consequence, then you didn't turn up for that consequence so eventually the school have suspended you as a last resort.

I mean, punctuation and grammar make what you’re trying to say understandable. Writing on the internet has nothing to do with it and is a weird excuse for laziness.

Who tells parents time out is bad?

DS has adhd. He flies off the handle and cannot bear criticism of any kind. Time out is amazing. He will have 15 minutes or so and come back completely fine

So he is two weeks into an 8 week programme to get him back into school regularly? Is it possible that the school would prefer him to leave? If he has patchy attendance, challenges the rules, how is he doing academically? Maybe it would be easier for the school and their GCSE scores if he left and went to another school or was home educated. Is another school something you would consider? A fresh start might be what he needs.

Alternatively you either need to get your son to agree to the isolation day (the most sensible and straightforward option) or escalate the complaint. Is it a fixed number of days suspension? After five days the governing body/LEA (if in England) has a responsibility to provide alternative education. You should have been given information in writing outlining the next steps which you can take.

Yes I'm with this poster. I'm going against the grain of this thread as I often speak with families whose children are struggling in school.

If this child already has needed some extrasupport there's an element of school trauma/phobia anxiety or (possibly undiagnosed) additional need.

This school sounds like it's becoming a super strict/ no excuses school and that change is hard for a lot of children especially when it doesn't seem "fair".

OP you know your child. I would look at the " not fine on school" resources. There's a website or Dr Naomi Fisher on Facebook or Eliza Fisher.

Don't worry about online posters that have no idea about how difficult it can be when you have a child who is struggling with school.

@QuickAzureJoker
I've worked in secondary schools since 1991. This I know, you and your son won't "win". No school can run without rules. A detention is just a 30 minute time out, usually kids can read or do their own work so the time isn't wasted. If he is 15 he will have homework or revision he could do.
Refusing to accept sanctions puts him and you on the wrong side of the school's published procedures. They are not going to back down.
You might want to focus on where he is going to finish his education because unless you two change your minds he will not be able to attend this school.
Maybe you and he could work out a compromise with the school, offer for him to do the 1 day in internal exclusion?

"missing the mark" is worth a follow too. She write about how the child her experienced it all and has some fab cartoons to explain what it's like for someone struggling with school.