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Secondary education

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Original poster

Year 11 Child moved from Scotland to England and content to learn overwhelming - son doesn't want to even try

292 replies

Stressbucket1973 · 22/09/2023 09:16

I have a son in Year 11 - we moved from Scotland to England and the difference between National 5's and GCSE seems vast. He has so much content to learn before the exams. He has mocks in November and hasn't got a clue. He is so overwhelmed that he has just given up. He won't talk to us or even try. He is also dyslexic and the amount of work to get through is daunting. The school are trying to help and given us the areas he needs to focus on. but he has set his mind that he will fail so why bother. I can't get him to sit down and concentrate.

I feel like we are constantly harassing him to study or work or do anything... he just won't sit down and focus. He just want to game or go to the skate park and escape. He says he's thick and won't pass so why should he bother. He doesn't like school and is feeling totally overwhelmed.

The school allowed him to drop one subject but the issue is combined science being mandatory. He only had to do Physics in Scotland so he now has to catch up on chemistry and biology topics that others have been studying for over a year.

I'm at my wits end and my husband and I don't know what to do. We are trying to help and support but I feel all we are doing is making our son feel worse. I really don't know how to get him to want to try. There seems to be a lot going on for him and I'm wondering how we help him to try... I'm desperate and stressed out - any advice would be most welcome.

OP posts:
Dentistlakes · 25/09/2023 04:39

What you’ve done to him is ridiculous. Even without the challenge of dyslexia, it would hard. Stop pressuring him before he has a breakdown and follow the advice already given in this thread.

sashh · 25/09/2023 04:58

I assume you had no choice but to move but starting in year 11 is not going to work.

Options:

He goes back to his old school, staying with a friend or relative. Maybe Mon - Fri.

Home ed with the Scottish system, maybe with a tutor. If his old school can send work that would be ideal. For the social side find a club or hobby he can attend.

Go in to year 10.

Get the school to meet his needs eg taking physics as a single subject instead of combined sciences. The school will object but it is possible to have a timetable for one child, even if it involves him sitting in the back of a totally different class completing work.

lunar1 · 25/09/2023 05:10

What an absolutely heartbreaking post to read. He needs to go back to his one school, or at the very least to a Scottish education system.

WixontheVixon · 25/09/2023 05:17

I would speak to the school and move him back a year if I’m honest. My in laws were constantly moving backwards and forwards between the Cotswolds and Cornwall when my brother and sister in law were at school (they’re much younger than my husband) and my brother in law decided to redo year 10 as even though the subjects were the same, the schools used different exam boards so the content was all different and he wanted to get the grades he knew he was capable of. Good luck!

endofthelinefinally · 25/09/2023 05:27

It sounds as if you didn't do any research into schools or his education at all before moving.
You have had some very good advice, please prioritise following it for the sake of your poor son, who must also be at his wits end.

Pipsquiggle · 25/09/2023 05:36

Genuinely, why did you move him at this critical time?

I am guessing something completely life altering/ huge magnitude must have happened to move at such a crap time?

Sugargliderwombat · 25/09/2023 05:58

Just another person to vote for him going back to Scotland if possible.

To him it must seem like all the work he did in Scotland was just pointless so why bother now ? I expect his mental health must be in the pits, too.

Mummyoflittledragon · 25/09/2023 06:09

Poor kid. He’s also had the pandemic to contend with. My dd changed schools in year 9 to private. I couldn’t imagine doing this to a child unless it was absolutely necessary. Dropping down to year 10 would be a better solution if he really can’t go back to the Scottish system.

MoralOrLegal · 25/09/2023 06:12

Can he stay with friends or family in Scotland?

MiddleAgedAndExhausted · 25/09/2023 06:18

@LiamMK Scotland has always had separate Education, law and health. The education used to be considered excellent until recent years.

OP, a few people have suggested educating your son privately. In Scotland, private schools won't take pupils at this stage (S4) because of all the reasons you have mentioned. So it may be the same in England.

Channellingsophistication · 25/09/2023 06:40

Poor boy but presumably you had no choice to move.

i’d echo what others have said if you definitely can’t go back to Scotland it would be best for him to fo back to year 10

Hayliebells · 25/09/2023 06:40

What did you expect to happen? I'm shocked that you didn't have a plan for managing this before the move. Can he move back to Scotland and stay with friends or family? If not, can he enrol in Year 10 where you live. I'm surprised his current school let him start in Year 11. If non of those things are options, online school seems like the best bet, with lots of extra-curricular activities so he can make friends.

Ilovelurchers · 25/09/2023 06:41

OP (who has left the thread, perhaps unsurprisingly given the pile-on) may have had no choice but to move, if for example the only earner in the family got made redundant and could only find a job in England, etc - these things do happen!

She also may not have anybody who would allow her child to live with them in term time, or he may not be willing to live away from his family. She may not have the money for him to board - most people could not afford that.

What GCSEs (or equivalent anyway - what sort of grades I mean) was he predicted in Scotland? Were you expecting him to get good passes and carry on to A-level or equivalent, and possibly university?

If not, then this may seem a radical suggestion, but maybe don't sweat it? Ask him to decide what he DOES want to do next year (apprenticeship or similar) and focus only on the minimum of subjects he will need for that, and on maybe trying to get some work experience etc.

GCSEs aren't the be all and end all for everyone, much as we tell the kids they are - it's perfectly possible to have a lovely life without a load of grade 8s and 9s, depending on what you want your life to look like of course.....

Hiring a private tutor may well be an option if you can afford it - cheaper than private school! There are some amazing ones out there - I have worked with many excellent teachers who are now private tutors, but also be careful because failed teachers sometimes take this route as well....

Good luck.

SayNoToDoorToDoor · 25/09/2023 06:50

if he’s staying where he is and doing GCSEs he really needs to pass maths and English language as well as he can. Those are the priorities. I went back to do a Masters at nearly 40 and I needed to provide proof of those two subjects.

Helping him to answer English Literature exam questions is going to support him with English language too. I found the essay writing guides (type that in and book man’s he’s studying) you can buy very useful but if he needs content then use York notes may the best. Print past exam papers and answers and learn how they should be answered especially for English literature, History and Geography. If you can do that then explain to him it’ll take a bit of pressure off him.

See the school Senco to get extra time for his dyslexia.

Drop the optional subjects he’s lost all motivation or at least consider doing foundation papers.

He needs 5 GCSEs to progress. What does he want to do afterwards? Check the subject entry requirements of the sixth form /college and concentrate on those.

Remember his dyslexia will mean he can only learn in short bursts then will need a break. When I was at university I found I could read journals for 4 minutes then need 5-10 minutes to process. Doing something physical in that break helped enormously eg running up/down stairs, hoovering, trampolining if you have that, anything to give him time to process what he’s learnt.

Invest in tutors.

ThanksItHasPockets · 25/09/2023 06:52

I still find it extraordinary that Scottish students can drop two out of three sciences.

I assume the move was unavoidable, OP. I would very seriously consider either finding a school that will let him start year 10 (which probably means private) or letting him go back to stay with family to complete his Nat 5s in Scotland.

AngryAndAnxious · 25/09/2023 07:01

PIL moved teen DH from Scotland to England 35 years ago. He still talks about how different the school system was a what a struggle it was.

Beautifulday3 · 25/09/2023 07:06

The school should be helping with extra help. Could you consider a tutor. I would request he be moved down a year. Moving at that point in his education will be really tough for him regardless of the system.

SueDonnym · 25/09/2023 07:08

Can you pay a tutor and sit the exams they sit in scotland either return to his old school or somewhere down south.

Peachee · 25/09/2023 07:09

Can the school arrange for him to continue with the Scottish curriculum and exams given the situation? Surely that’s the best way forward? Or maybe Home schooling for his final year?? GCSEs are ridiculously overwhelming, I remember it well..

Sylvaniandream · 25/09/2023 07:10

Moving schools is horrible anyway if a child is happy. Moving for Yr 11 is pretty daft even within the same system as schools tackle the Content in the order they want and choose the set texts, case studies etc. To move between systems???? I'd be sat in the skate park too, and I can't skate. He needs to go back to the old system, or get a set of private tutors, or take an extra year..... And what an upheaval for any of these.

GreyNomad · 25/09/2023 07:10

I agree with those saying he either needs to:

Go back to Scotland temporarily (if possible - is there anyone he could stay with?) and finish Year 11 in the same education system.

Or find a sympathetic UK school and get him moved into Year 10. I have a child being educated out of cohort (although from start of education). It is possible and I have heard of plenty of kids who has been moved down a year in the UK system. The circumstances for your son definitely give you a strong case in my opinion...

Your poor son. I think you're being unfairly attacked on this thread, but I do agree with others that this was a mistake to move him in Year 11. But I assume you had absolutely no choice and it's done now so I don't agree with the posters being harsh to you.

I hope you can find a solution for your poor son!

Twiglets1 · 25/09/2023 07:14

That was an awful thing to happen to your poor son - to be moved to a different school system in year 11 right before his exams.

If you have any family left in Scotland you need to see if he can stay with them until his exams. Why did you even think this would be ok?

Maireas · 25/09/2023 07:17

Peachee · 25/09/2023 07:09

Can the school arrange for him to continue with the Scottish curriculum and exams given the situation? Surely that’s the best way forward? Or maybe Home schooling for his final year?? GCSEs are ridiculously overwhelming, I remember it well..

The school have neither the staff, resources or time to do this.

Zanatdy · 25/09/2023 07:18

I agree in asking the school to move him back a year. My friends step daughter moved over from overseas and had to start year 11. Totally different education system and English wasn’t her first language. It was a big struggle and she only sat 4 GCSE’s, passing one. Sounds to me like there’s just too much content to catch up on, a whole year Chemistry & Biology and supposed to be revising soon for mocks which he won’t have done all the content for is just too difficult. If the school won’t allow I’d seriously consider a private school or home school. There are online schools now that function like a real school but online so he could start GCSE on there or maybe finish the Scotland equivalent. As everyone’s said it’s a terrible time to move and assuming you had no choice so I’d go into the school and let them know it’s just too much for him being in year 11. Good luck to him

Maireas · 25/09/2023 07:19

You obviously had no choice.
He won't be re-starting in yr10.
The only option is to discuss with the school what can be taken off his timetable (very little).
Private tutoring would be a practical solution. It's very difficult to him, but there's no good solution.