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Secondary education

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Original poster

Year 11 Child moved from Scotland to England and content to learn overwhelming - son doesn't want to even try

292 replies

Stressbucket1973 · 22/09/2023 09:16

I have a son in Year 11 - we moved from Scotland to England and the difference between National 5's and GCSE seems vast. He has so much content to learn before the exams. He has mocks in November and hasn't got a clue. He is so overwhelmed that he has just given up. He won't talk to us or even try. He is also dyslexic and the amount of work to get through is daunting. The school are trying to help and given us the areas he needs to focus on. but he has set his mind that he will fail so why bother. I can't get him to sit down and concentrate.

I feel like we are constantly harassing him to study or work or do anything... he just won't sit down and focus. He just want to game or go to the skate park and escape. He says he's thick and won't pass so why should he bother. He doesn't like school and is feeling totally overwhelmed.

The school allowed him to drop one subject but the issue is combined science being mandatory. He only had to do Physics in Scotland so he now has to catch up on chemistry and biology topics that others have been studying for over a year.

I'm at my wits end and my husband and I don't know what to do. We are trying to help and support but I feel all we are doing is making our son feel worse. I really don't know how to get him to want to try. There seems to be a lot going on for him and I'm wondering how we help him to try... I'm desperate and stressed out - any advice would be most welcome.

OP posts:
80sMum · 24/09/2023 23:30

Poor boy! I had a similar experience, though not as bad as moving to a different country.

My father's job relocated to another county and we moved house in the August before I started what is now called Year 11. The new school used a different exam board to the previous one, so the syllabuses were all different. There were no places available on the needlework course, so I had to drop that subject, and the new school didn't offer craft (what would now probably be called Design & Technology) so I had to drop that as well.

It was a bit of a disaster for me, really. I don't think my education ever recovered. I got 6 O-levels, somehow, but it was a struggle.

I would recommend that the young lad either stays in Scotland for his exam year, or drops down to Year 10, so he can start the syllabus with enough time to finish it properly. It's what I should have done.

gingangirly · 24/09/2023 23:38

Flossflower · 22/09/2023 14:12

My parents moved when I was halfway through my O levels. The move was from one place in England to another but in many subjects the syllabus was different. So as well as having left my friends behind I had all this to contend with. Do you ever expect your son to forgive you?

Have you never forgiven your parents? I was in exactly the same boat, my father was military, do you think they would have said 'oh yes of course we'll postpone your posting for year' - hardly!

I survived, my life didn't end, there are ways around anything if you want to look.

Mostlyoblivious · 24/09/2023 23:42

Despite not knowing the reasoning behind the move I think this would be the worse year to have done so.

If there is any possible way he can finish his Scottish education then that needs to happen. At this stage this overwhelm and being set up to fail could have quite a devastating impact on his future psychologically.

Please somehow get him back into the Scottish schooling system - be that distance learning (unsure if that is even an option) or lodging back up where you have moved from for less than 10 months

Exhaustedpenguin · 24/09/2023 23:45

I'm not sure the OP will come back given the unnecessarily harsh comments that have been made. People are forced to move for all kinds of reasons and I'm sure they are already feeling guilty about the situation, without people accusing her of being a terrible parent.

My mum was forced to move us 100 miles away in the summer before I started year 11. The school basically pleaded with her for me to stay at the school, given the disruption it would have caused - and I didn't have dyslexia to contend with as well.
I travelled the 100 mile each way journey for a few weeks but it just wasn't doable. So I moved to my friend's house and lived there Monday- Friday. It was hard for all of us and I missed my family a lot but ultimately, for that year it was the best thing to do. I don't feel any anger or resentment for what I had to do. She had no choice and did everything she could to help me. I then moved to a 6th form in the new town once I'd done my gcses. It was one year of my life (and actually, only 9 months with holidays in between) and just helped me get to the next stage of my education.

WongWifi · 24/09/2023 23:45

Odd timing to have moved. If it’s for your husband’s job or your own, could one parent stay back in Scotland till your son completes his exams?

Woollymonster · 24/09/2023 23:49

What does he like doing OP? What is he good at?
I would look at what is available post 16 at local colleges that he may be interested in for next year, and see what the entry requirements are.
As far as this year goes, it’s best if he can get his Maths and English passed, but not the end of the world if he doesn’t.

Ducttapeandcover · 24/09/2023 23:53

First switch him into triple sciences. That way he will still get a pass in physics and fail biology and chemistry. If can also spend the time in biology and chemistry class working on more subjects. As long as he isnt disrupting, it should be fine. Double sciences really hurt kids who are better in one subject than the other two because it averages the mark across all three sciences. You will likely need to be bitch to make it happen, but that is what mums do.

Next, focus on getting passes in maths and english. At the end of the day, those are the only two that matter. 2 GCSE's is perfectly respectable. With maths and english, it means that he can apply for apprentiships and if he wants to go to uni later he can take a year and do the access to higher education courses that only take a year. His entire future will be made so much easier if he has GCSE's in maths and english. The nagging hill to die on is the Maths and English. Everything else is gravy.

Fallingthroughclouds · 24/09/2023 23:57

Bless him. All you can do is support him if and when he fails. Accept that the onus is totally on you for moving him and support him in a future college placement that may be more supportive and fun. Kudos to him for being able to transfer his social life so adeptly. I'd concentrate on supporting that for now.

Sallywheldon · 24/09/2023 23:59

Is it possible for your son to sit the exams that will be set in Scotland? My daughter did that when she moved countries in the Middle East. Admittedly, she had to study the rest of the syllabi herself from the country she was leaving but it might be possible for you to pay for extra tuition?

ClairDeLaLune · 25/09/2023 00:08

Why on earth would you do that to your poor son? One of you needs to immediately move back to Scotland with him and rent somewhere. There’s no way he can catch up on a year of GCSE work in such a small amount of time. That’s so unfair on him. And that’s before dyslexia is thrown into the mix too. Poor lad.

MrsMiddleMother · 25/09/2023 00:12

Get him to focus on Maths, English and science or IT. He will still be able to take courses next year in college and resit maths and English next year if needs be.
I can't imagine how tough it must be for him, for shutting down won't do him any good. Focus on these things, tell him he can still do and be whatever he wants but not if he doesn't atleast try.
Hope it all works out well

MrsMiddleMother · 25/09/2023 00:12

Ducttapeandcover · 24/09/2023 23:53

First switch him into triple sciences. That way he will still get a pass in physics and fail biology and chemistry. If can also spend the time in biology and chemistry class working on more subjects. As long as he isnt disrupting, it should be fine. Double sciences really hurt kids who are better in one subject than the other two because it averages the mark across all three sciences. You will likely need to be bitch to make it happen, but that is what mums do.

Next, focus on getting passes in maths and english. At the end of the day, those are the only two that matter. 2 GCSE's is perfectly respectable. With maths and english, it means that he can apply for apprentiships and if he wants to go to uni later he can take a year and do the access to higher education courses that only take a year. His entire future will be made so much easier if he has GCSE's in maths and english. The nagging hill to die on is the Maths and English. Everything else is gravy.

Completely second all of this.

Mswest · 25/09/2023 00:15

I think ideally stay in Scotland to finish exams, next best move down a year or focus on solely maths and English. I think it's unrealistic to even attempt to just 'catch up' and I'd agree probably detrimental to him and you unless he is extremely bright and motivated. I'm a secondary teacher and even I recognise that school isn't the be all and end all, his life won't be ruined because of not getting GCSEs. Some pupils are much more suited to apprenticeships, college or returning to education later on anyway - or just getting a job! He has lots of options although it might not feel like that just now. I'd sit down with him and come up with a realistic plan, the weight off his shoulders of trying to do the impossible will likely change his whole outlook.

lazysummer · 25/09/2023 00:20

I agree with the triple science option to enable him to focus on physics. Also, focus on English and maths. Ask for some extra sessions where needed. In a good school, teachers will be willing to help. I hope he settles and starts to build some confidence.

miral · 25/09/2023 00:25

Seriously? 1. Scotland’s education system was created long before the act of union 2. Scotland also has a different legal system & different laws 3. Northern Ireland & Wales also have different education systems.

AlexandriasWindmill · 25/09/2023 00:28

I'm shocked any parent of a dyslexic DC would have done any of this ie moving at a key point; not checking the curriculum and choosing a school accordingly; then pressuring the DC to try to overcome an unsurmountable problem that the parents created.
Also surprised at the 'leap' from Nat5s to GCSEs. Independent research states Nat 5s are more academically advanced than GCSEs.

Waffle78 · 25/09/2023 00:41

Couldn't you have waited until he at least got through year 11? Does he have an EHCP?

SheilaFentiman · 25/09/2023 00:48

Good luck, OP.

I assume the move was unavoidable but it
is a heck of a change. Even within England, students don’t move after the start of year 10 of at all possible as eg different exam boards do different books in English lit etc

Someoneonlyyouknow · 25/09/2023 01:29

AlexandriasWindmill · 25/09/2023 00:28

I'm shocked any parent of a dyslexic DC would have done any of this ie moving at a key point; not checking the curriculum and choosing a school accordingly; then pressuring the DC to try to overcome an unsurmountable problem that the parents created.
Also surprised at the 'leap' from Nat5s to GCSEs. Independent research states Nat 5s are more academically advanced than GCSEs.

I would surmise it is the difference in syllabus rather than complexity level that is the problem. Even different exam boards in England may be teaching different topics, set books etc

kittensinthekitchen · 25/09/2023 02:06

LiamMK · 24/09/2023 23:13

Why do England and Scotland even have different education systems?

As far as I'm aware in 1707 they were both united into one country.

Um... maybe you need to go back to school.

Rummikub · 25/09/2023 02:16

First of all take the pressure off him. Then think strategically. Which subjects are within reach in terms of content? Focus on those. He will be able to resist GCSEs also he only needs 5 to progress for most things Incl English and maths.

Doing combined science with chemistry/ biology from scratch is a big ask. I’m not surprised he’s given up. What else can the school offer/ change?

LateAF · 25/09/2023 02:36

The least damaging thing you can do right now is do everything in your power to move your son back to his old school in Scotland and use tutors to catch him up with what he’s missed on the syllabus since he came to England.

This could look like:

  • one parent moving back to Scotland with him.
  • the whole family moving back to Scotland
  • Him returning on his own to live with a family member or friend in Scotland and visiting England on occasional weekends

Unfortunately, any course of action involving forcing him to complete English GCSEs will lead to long lasting emotional and academic damage. It will also seriously dent his confidence. I’m not sure why you didn’t consider this obvious and serious issue before moving but it’s not too late to rectify it since we’re only a month into the new school year .

LateAF · 25/09/2023 02:42

Exhaustedpenguin · 24/09/2023 23:45

I'm not sure the OP will come back given the unnecessarily harsh comments that have been made. People are forced to move for all kinds of reasons and I'm sure they are already feeling guilty about the situation, without people accusing her of being a terrible parent.

My mum was forced to move us 100 miles away in the summer before I started year 11. The school basically pleaded with her for me to stay at the school, given the disruption it would have caused - and I didn't have dyslexia to contend with as well.
I travelled the 100 mile each way journey for a few weeks but it just wasn't doable. So I moved to my friend's house and lived there Monday- Friday. It was hard for all of us and I missed my family a lot but ultimately, for that year it was the best thing to do. I don't feel any anger or resentment for what I had to do. She had no choice and did everything she could to help me. I then moved to a 6th form in the new town once I'd done my gcses. It was one year of my life (and actually, only 9 months with holidays in between) and just helped me get to the next stage of my education.

Difference is you still got to complete GCSEs at your old school. Everyone recognises sometimes you have to move, but to move the y11 child as well and expect them to do anything other than fail in a new country under a different curriculum is unfair.

You had a hard year and so will OP’s child - but his year will be made that much easier if he’s allowed to do what you did and stay at his old school for the rest of y11 to complete his exams.

Ephesus1010 · 25/09/2023 02:52

Who has told you that Combined Science is mandatory? The teaching of all sciences is mandatory in English schools but a student does not have to sit or be entered for Combined Science. That will just be what the school is teaching, and what they are entering other students for. Under the circumstances I would ask the school to make an exception and enter your son for Physics as a Separate Science so at least then he can gain that GCSE. You would need to check whether the content he has studied in Scotland aligns with a Physics GCSE in England but a teacher at your new school could help with that. The exam will be at the same time as the Physics combined science papers but would be two 1hr 45m papers rather than two 1hr 15ms.

i assume your son may have access arrangements such as 25% extra time in his exams if he has dyslexia. Check in with the SENCO about this as he will need to have this approved asap by JCQ, with a body of evidence, if the school hasnt already done so. I believe the deadline for this is either Jan 2024 or March 2024 and he would need to have this extra time for his mocks to show it is his normal way of working.

If Science is the only issue for your son, and other subjects such as English and Maths are not, then this could be a solution.

tillytown · 25/09/2023 04:31

I doubt you'll send him back to his old school, so instead try tutors. He might not study for you, but maybe he will with them?